dani_katze Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Do you think that is possible to change a male mind, when he tells you directly that he's not looking for a relationship? I ask this question, because I have just finished a self-help book with advices about dating and the writer, who is a man btw, says that if this sentence appear in his mounth when his dating a girl and the girl, instead of pressure him or to get upset, just relax him telling him that she's not asking for a commitment and continues dating him but doesn't invest much time in him, to let him know who she is and what she offers... so that he could possibly changed her mind about this issue... But I have also read that when a man says something like "I'm not into a relationship right now" he does mean it exactly this way and is not possible to change the mind at all... and is better to move on and look someone else. Therefore, in my opinion, what I read in the book I just finished could possibly work for some men, that maybe don't know what they really want or that deep deep down he wants something different, but it's just a little afraid of commitment. But, most men that says something like this won't change his mind. I would like to have your opinion... specially men please Thanks dani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I think it is always better to take people at their word over things like this. It saves time and heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takkforalt Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If someone tells you the truth, you better believe them. People always show us who they are, but we sometimes prefer our own truths. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ForumGuy Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Whether I am looking for a relationship or not, when the right person comes along, I am looking for a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I think it is always better to take people at their word over things like this. It saves time and heartache. Agree. Anything is possible but why waste time trying to change someone's mind (and potentially getting heartbroken when you can't) when you could be spending that time looking for someone whose mind is already on the same page as yours? There are way too many fish in the sea to be putting one person on a pedestal that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 If you're going to think of this in terms of gender then a man will sense (like all people would) that you're far too focused on stereotypes over individuality - not a turn on for sure. I agree with DN otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 yes, agreed with DN. Furthermore, a lot of times men will say "i am not looking for a relationship" when they really mean "with you." I've seen guys who have said that they 'don't want a serious relationship' engaged 6 months later when they meet a new girl they consider the girl of their dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 In my experience, when a man says that he's not looking for a relationship, it means that he's not looking for a relationship with YOU and you can nag him as much as you want or be as relaxed and casual as you want - it ain't happening. He's giving himself a way out when he wants to bail or finds someone better and you have been warned, so you can't blame him for anything. It has also been my experience that guys who are not sure about the relationship or the ones that can be persuaded to be in one, don't really say anything. They don't say they are looking for a relationship specifically, but they don't exactly put that warning sign out there right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 In my experience, when a man says that he's not looking for a relationship, it means that he's not looking for a relationship with YOU and you can nag him as much as you want or be as relaxed and casual as you want - it ain't happening. He's giving himself a way out when he wants to bail or finds someone better and you have been warned, so you can't blame him for anything. It has also been my experience that guys who are not sure about the relationship or the ones that can be persuaded to be in one, don't really say anything. They don't say they are looking for a relationship specifically, but they don't exactly put that warning sign out there right away. Agree with the latter paragraph but just wanted my opinion on the former on the record. In my experience, the guys I've dated who have said they didn't want a relationship in general have always been completely broken and emotionally unavailable and years later continue to be single or in toxic, casual relationships. I've never seen a case where "I don't want a relationship" clearly meant they didn't want it with me. Most guys who didn't want a relationship with me specifically said it straight up: "you're not what I'm looking for." Which I guess goes to show you that it could really mean anything, depending on the guy saying it, but unless one can read minds there's no sense in interpreting it one way or the other, or taking it personally (e.g. he doesn't want ME.) The important thing is putting yourself first and saying, I don't have time for this one guy in a sea of guys saying no to what I'm looking for, so on to the next one. Fin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlabu2 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Dani_Katze. I was reading one of your older post. In the post, u mentioned that you suffered with Bi-polar. I'm in a relationship with someone who is suffering from depression i'm dealing with it now. I was hoping you could give me a little advice. if so, let me know. Thanks Dani_katze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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