Alfredo Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 For about a year now I've been living with my family again (due to financial issues), I'm 24, and I live with my mom, my dad, my brother (who is 28), and my little sister (who is 21); all still living at home. Things have been really, really rough since Summer. My mom has been riding my sister constantly. There's been situations where my mom will pick a fight with my little sister in a closed location (like the garage where they both smoke cigs), start yelling/cutting nasty remarks at my sis, and then turn it around, manipulating the situation and playing the 'victim' role the moment my sister starts arguing back; which in due-diligence will cause my father and brother to interfere; go after my little sister, and turn everybody against her (as if she started the fight/argument). My older brother also rides my sis hard, as if he thinks he's some father figure. My mom buys my sister cigarettes (Which my sis is hooked on), cause my sister is unemployed, and my mom uses it as a means to start fights with her (when my mom is an enabler; threatens to cut my sis off if she doesn't regulate her cig consumption). -My sis wants to quit, use patches, but my mom would rather buy her cigs than help her. I don't know what to do, I've tried talking to my mom, but my mom will get self-righteous on me, manipulate the situation, or deny half the argument which happened, when I had witnessed it. My mom also dumps all her problems on my little sister to ad-nauseum, constantly. And when my sis wishes to talk to her about some issues, my mom will barely listen to her, or be extra blunt/callus about her problem. (And if my sis resists talking to her, my mom will take it out on her). My mom on one hand will tell me she adores my sister, loves her, sees her as a close-connection/soul-sister; and then totally blow up on her about something, like find something to pick at my sister about, or fight with her about. My mom will brood about something, something she disagrees with about my sis (or a problem having nothing to do with my sis), or something she has to talk to her about, then she'll just work up and explode on my sister about it, then turn it around and manipulate the situation. (My mom denies saying things she has said, or honestly forgets them... I don't know anymore.) I don't really know what to do, I think my little sister suffers depression (as she shows tons of anxiety-related issues), and can't move out/move-on out of her own will. I worry for her, and I don't know what to do, cause I have to help myself as well (as I'm having a rough time getting back into college). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dramallama Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 It sounds like your whole family is stressed out. Have you talked to your sister about this? She would probably feel better knowing that you have her back and are there for her. Perhaps you could suggest to your sister to go to smoke outside away from your mum, or at least at different times. To avoid being with you mum alone. That way, the only choice you mum would have is to say those comments in front of another family member. You could also tell your sister not to react when you mum says mean things to her. It sounds like you mum could also have depression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfredo Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 It sounds like your whole family is stressed out. Have you talked to your sister about this? She would probably feel better knowing that you have her back and are there for her. Perhaps you could suggest to your sister to go to smoke outside away from your mum, or at least at different times. To avoid being with you mum alone. That way, the only choice you mum would have is to say those comments in front of another family member. You could also tell your sister not to react when you mum says mean things to her. It sounds like you mum could also have depression. Thank you for your response, dramallama. I have spoken to my sis a lot. I have also suggested she smoke outside the garage, although it's a really bad time since we've been getting 30-40 degree winter weather where I live. -In fact I've had her back through all of this. My sis has a quick-temper/easy flare/loud voice so the moment she'll start arguing with my mom, and in following my brother or dad will come in and make the situation worse. Saying things like "what do you wanna do, kill your mom!?" -Or other pugnacious things which are everything but the opposite of cooling a person down. Everytime I talk to my mom about this, she'll turn everything around and label my sister a 'manipulator'. When I've witnessed situations first-hand (in which my mom denies), where she'll be attacking my sister over something, or dropping mean blows (cause she's blunt as hell). And my mom's excuse is "Oh I just want her to be more responsible". But it's almost is if my mom wants to control her (or that my mom is also jealous of my sister because of her youth). I almost feel as if my mom loves all the attention she gets during the blow-out arguments in the house. My mom also seems to have some juvenile favoritism for my brother; she'll scold my sister for her behavior, but won't bat an eye at the stuff my brother does/says cause my mom probably exempts it cause he's defending her in an argument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Are you employed? If you are, maybe you could help your sister find a job and then you could both move out and get a place together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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