Hey (particularly guy) tell me what you think!!!

[Usersnameis]

I met this guy and we were talking for about a month or so. First we started off with text messages here and there, you know the "Hi, how are you" but then that progressed to where we were talking twice a day everyday, (kinda like a wake up call) first thing in the morning, during our entire commute to work (hanging up only when one of us was actually at the job) and again before bed. We both work full time, so we didn't actually 'talk' during the day but we would exchange text messages. Between phone calls and text messages we'd see each other whenever our schedules allowed. He even spent a night by me once and while we didn't have sex that night, we did twice earlier that day. We'd spent that whole day together -made breakfast together, talked and watched a movie. The only time we weren't together that day were the few hours when I was at the mall.

 

One night when he was by me he got a weird phone call that set me on edge, the voice was distinctly female and the exchange was short, nevertheless it left me unsettled. I said to him I am not trying to get hurt and there was no response, I didn't pursue because I figure that was confrontation enough. I will say that my last relationship ended after almost 8 years because of my spouse's infidelity, so yes I am definitely scared and paranoid even after almost three years divorced (don't think I can ever completely shake the paranoia that developed after discovering that kind of deception, but it has gotten better over time). Anyway I am aware that is a factor in my unease and I do try not to project the uncertainty.

 

So two weekends ago, we spoke late morning/early afternoon and agreed that we would get together later in the day. I ended up getting home a little earlier than expected so I contacted him and told him, which he responded saying he'd be over soon. I got busy doing some stuff around the house and when I took note of the time it was almost two hours. Now he lives about five minutes from me, so I called to find out what was going on. He said he was contacted by one of his clients and they were gonna have a short meeting in a few minutes - "OK, no prob". Another hour and a half or so goes by and I called him back, this time he's by his 'boy Mike'. I then said something to the effect of 'I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but I would've appreciated it if you'd called to say plans changed. And I really have no room in my life for a lier and a user.'

 

I hung up and he tried calling me back but I didn't take his calls. Haven't spoken to him at all for over a week. His actions that night just came accross as evasive and fishy. Yes, I'd very much like a relationship, but I REALLY don't want to face another episode of an unfaithful partner. I don't doubt that my perception has a part to play.

 

So today I get an e-mail from a social network and it's him sending me an invite (this is the only social network that has my formal name entered in my profile, the others have my nicknames). We had many conversations, but I know for sure that I didn't mention having a profile on this network, so I'm thinking he had to actually do a search to pull up my profile. I don't want to read too much into it, but I really don't know what to think, and I don't know if I should accept it or not. The time we spent together was brief, but it was very enjoyable and we got along just fine, it was very comfortable. You know how it usually goes when you meet somebody new and for the first few weeks/months you're on your best behavior, Ps and Qs...you know But this was just natural and comfortable, felt like I'd know him for a long time and - without me saying anything - he echoed the same sentiment. I'm oh so aware thought that you can't know someone in a month, but what I did know I do miss. I just don't know how to reconcile the evasive type behavior, along with the phone call. So if you guys could give me another perspective on this, I 'd appreciate it.

[kelless]

Usersnameis, don't you think you are jumping to conclusions a little? Just because he got a call from a female caller doesn't necessarily mean he is cheating on you, right? Just because he had to change plans to deal with other things doesn't necessarily mean that he is cheating either. I think you should chill out a little. Afterall you seem quite into this guy, it would be a shame to throw away a perfectly good prospect just because of a little bit of insecurities.

 

I have also been cheated on so I understand the phobia bit, the female instincts can be oddly accurate when it comes to things like this. So, I would still say be careful. However, there is no need to jump to conclusions and with cheaters, the more you confront the harder they will try to cover up their tracks. So I would say don't confront him next time you have your doubts and just observe.

[Usersnameis]

Thank you for the advice Kelless. Sorry to hear about your experience with cheating. That definitely makes navigating relationships a little more tricky.

 

To clarify, what set me on edge was when he said to the caller that he was with 'a client'. On several other occasions , with other callers, he used a more endearing term to refer to me. So I found that rather odd.

 

Does anyone else have a comment, another perspective?!!

[Jd1983]

Honestly, it really depends on who he was talking to, to be honest. It could have been his boss, or for whatever reason.

 

Yes, you were seeing him, but I didn't read anywhere that you were exclusive either. So although you were dating, he still had a right to talk to others and vice versa, unless it was agreed that you would only date each other. Otherwise, I wouldn't say he was cheating.

 

However, the whole scenario of keeping you waiting for 3-1/2 hrs was not cool in my books. The least he could have done was tell you that he wasn't available. That way you won't have to wait around for him. I think you have every right to be upset by this behavior, because if he can't even keep up to his words, what will happen when bigger things come along.

 

Yes, you do miss him, but you have to ask yourself, what it is that you truly want from this relationship. Are you looking for something long term, is he? Would you be willing to put up with this behavior in the long haul?