baxxter Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Hello people. I was not sure if I should have posted this here or not, but family thread sounded a little different, so here I am. Please accept my apologies if I am asking a wrong question in wrong place. I recently befriended a man who is my dad's age. He was saying he has two kids a while ago, and today he mentioned that his son is of my age. So I asked him how about the other one, and he said that his another son died 17 yrs ago. I was so confused! He definitely said he has 2, could he be counting the deceased son as well? I could understand if he passed away a year or two ago, but 17 yrs ago? When I said I am sorry to hear that he replied, "Yes, it has been tough." Sounded like he is still struggling with the death... what do you think, please advise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Your child is always your child, in life or beyond. No one ever gets over the loss. You just keep pressing on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agent1607307371 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 He definitely said he has 2, could he be counting the deceased son as well? I would. I don't think you ever get over the death of a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baxxter Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Mmm, I could sort of understand not forgetting part, but he was saying, "o, life is tough with such a busy job, a house, wife and two kids." as if, you know, much happening NOW. Then again maybe it still is very much happening to him now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I had a child die in miscarriage. I always say I have one living child and one in heaven. Yes, people DO count their children who have passed away. Yes he has two kids. No parent ever gets over the loss of their child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baxxter Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I could understand if he said I have one son with us, and another in heaven. It didn't sound like that to me. Can some people be that way, not sentimental, but still live with the shadow of the person after so many years? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Of course. There is nothing worse than a death of your child, it the top worst thing to happen to someone and then losing a spouse. It is entirely possible for someone to be not sentimental and yet carry grief for their lost child forever. I will carry the grief of losing my son forever and he was not even born yet. I can not imagine losing a child I spent time with and got to know. It is something that haunts forever and some people actually become totally dysfunctional after losing a child. I am not saying he is but I know of someone who did. Her daughter died at 43 years old and the mother started calling her granddaughter the mother's name and comparing her to her mother and such and called her her mother's name till that grandmother herself died. She was very bitter about anyone who still had their children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilliesFan001 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 He will always have two children. Maybe when he said it's tough having two kids, that was just him talking without thinking. Maybe it's hard for him to think of his deceased son in the past tense. My aunt lost her son a year ago and she still refers to him in the present. She knows he's dead, she talks about his death frequently, but when she talks about his personality or makes statements about him it's always "Derek is..." and not "Derek was..." The loss of a child has a profound effect on a person and everybody deals with it differently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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