pinkycat Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Hi, I was seeing a guy for about 2 months, and first, he told me that he is not looking for anything serious, and just wants to hang out, have fun and would see what would happen. I agreed with him, so, we started to see each other, but, first it was good, but, i was upset sometimes cause he sometimes changed plans, and i didnt feel i was respected...but,every time we talked and were working it out. However, he started to be distant little by little, he told me that i was pushing him, so, every time i pushed him, he felt pressure and wanted to postponed the plans, which later, i realized that he warned me at the time. But,he kept saying he still wanted to hang out with me since it was fun. But, on new years eve, i ran into him in a party, though he told me that he would go to a trip...he was with his ex girlfriend...well, first of all, i should have got angry at him. cause he told me that it was a casual dating but, he still wanted to see me after the holiday...he said that his plan was changed, so he stayed in town. and i asked about his ex, he said he would explain the situation...and he just told me that she was visiting from her country and he doesn not like her any more and when he saw me at the party, he felt happy.....but, i was too emotional and kept asking him...then he said that he would talk to me and explain the situation to me later....I was too shocked and basically, i was annoying him on the night...then, i txted him quite many times that how i felt, and i told him he was a big liar and i was totally disappointed at him. Next morning, he txted me back that he doesn not want to see me any more since i make his life stressful...and he didnt like the words i said to him: he was a big liar and I was totally disappointed at him...i didnt argue about the break up, but, i asked him since he said we would talk, we still would talk? then, he said, last night he was thinking to talk to me, but, after the txts i sent, he decided not to, cause no point since he didnt want to see me any more. he also said i pushed to his limit, and it is not like he found someone, but, the problem was me..and he explained to me that situation; he got a call from his ex one month ago and she asked him if it was cool to see each other since shewould be in town..he didnt take it seriously but they saw each other...and, later he said, if i want, we can talk, but, it would not be the date when i asked for, and when he wanted to do so, at the moment, he didnt know when, so, he asked me to give him a space...and he txted me have a happy new year...and i ddint txt him until 10 days later, i just txted him how have you been? free to meet up? but no reply, i havebeen thinking what went wrong and i started to realize that i made big mistakes...so, another 5 days later,i txted him one messsage; "I have been thinking about it and finally realized what i made him mad. i gave him a lot of pressure and ruined his nye..now i understand what he was saying..but it was true that i really had fun to hang out with him...i am sorry..." it has been 3 days but no response yet...I understand that he is looking for anything serious, but, now, i am ok with it, i wanna see him again and take a day at a time...what could i do to get back with him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyDate Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 You need to know what you want. Are you sure you OK with him casually dating you now? You said you were OK last time but the real you, was not ok, actually. I think the damage is too deep, even if you call back later he will not answer your call. Find a new man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkycat Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I kinda started to know what I want...anyway, I am not planning to be his friend...well, I will be ok with what he wants....But, first I gotta figure out how I can talk to him again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snippot II Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 This guys is hung up on his ex. Plain and simple. You didnt do anything wrong. After his ex got in touch he started to pull back, and you sensed it as anyone would. Naturally it probably caused you to freak a bit, as anyone would. This happened to me a few years ago, and it wasnt until I tore myself in knots trying to figure it out that I found out it was the ex's presence and not me that was the issue. Please dont beat yourself up on this one. My guess is he will resurface as soon the ex thing doesnt pan out, which most likely will happen. He was honest with you about not wanting anything serious, so its really on you at this point. IMO, its not worth the effort with someone still pining over an ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkycat Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 oh, I have never thought that way....maybe thats true too. If so, and if I still want him, what would be the best way? give him a space? or tell him I wanna see him again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snippot II Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Give him space and let him sort it out. Thats really all you can do. Let him know you are interested and leave it at that. Let it unfold naturally and you will be much better off for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkycat Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 True that...until he contacts me or just set a timelimit and contact him again if he doees not contact me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snippot II Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I wouldnt say too much. If there was some percieved pressure from you in his eyes, nothing you really say now will come accross as anything more than more pressure. Your actions will speak the loudest of any words you could say right now. But I dont think its a bad thing to send him a simple message that you understand his situation, and would like to pursue something down the road if things change. That sends the message without any pressure implied. Then you must go on a live your life as you were prior to meeting him. I've done a lot worse in my past and they still found a way to come back once they felt the pressure was off. Dont sweat it too much... you are doing great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SillyDate Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 yes, give him ample space. You have sent him a message you want to be with him. Now you need to sit and wait, as in giving him space to decide whether he wants you or he does not want you. You should wait till he contacts you because he got your message you want him. Then why need to chase again and again for his reply? If he wants, he will contact you . If he does not want, he wont contact you. If he doesnot want, nothing you can do to force him want you or force him contact you. Forcing, just never works, in dating or relationship. But you need to know even if he comes back he just wants sex. if that is ok for you, not having him committing to you, then by all means go ahead for such game plan. But still even only for sex, you need him to decide by giving him space. If he does not want sex, does not come back at all, you cannot force him to doing that. I find that in this forum, people usually advise to give space or apply the no contact rule. But Pinkycat you need to know these are just advices, they are not guaranteed. It ain't money back guarantee thingy. Ultimate rule is what the guy wants. he may not come back and again if that happens, you canot force him, tie him up and pull him back. No such thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkycat Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Yea true. I apologized him for what I did, ruined his holiday and gave him a pressure, in the last txt, but, I didnt mention anything else. so, I guess its ok to send him one last message to tell himthat I want to be with him again...then, will need to go from there, if he contacts me or no.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mistrall Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 This guys is hung up on his ex. Plain and simple. You didnt do anything wrong. After his ex got in touch he started to pull back, and you sensed it as anyone would. Naturally it probably caused you to freak a bit, as anyone would. This happened to me a few years ago, and it wasnt until I tore myself in knots trying to figure it out that I found out it was the ex's presence and not me that was the issue. Please dont beat yourself up on this one. My guess is he will resurface as soon the ex thing doesnt pan out, which most likely will happen. He was honest with you about not wanting anything serious, so its really on you at this point. IMO, its not worth the effort with someone still pining over an ex. i couldnt have sead it better my self, he may really like you but if hes still hung up on his ex then hes probly all over the place himself jugling his emotions. hence shutting down and being distant. you have two choices, let him work out his stuff and posably get hurt in the prosess or move on and mabe heel come back one day. that is unles you are truly fine with the cashual side of things. gl X M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkycat Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Yea...well, I was thinking and he told me that the problem was not something else, but, me; i pushed him too much and gave him a lot of pressure....he told me earlier that he still talked to some of his ex gfs cause you never know what will happen in a future...he was willing to talk to me about what was going on before I created a mess...the last txt he sent was that if I want, we would talk, but, he didnt not know when at the moment, and so, give him a space...also,he said dont expeect it would be too soon.....I am thinking what I did wrong, and now started to miss him and I know if we work things out, I know what to do...no pressure... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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