I'm truly ready to let go. I just don't know how.

[floridagirlal]

I want to let go of my insecurities. I'm tired of feeling distrustful and waiting and snooping for my fiance to do something wrong. He is worthy of my trust and does not deserve for me to assume the worst in him.

 

I can tell myself repeatedly that he is with me because he WANTS to be. Why can't I embrace the fact that he loves me now regardless of who he has loved in the past? Why can't I just be happy that he is wonderful to me and he is choosing to be with me? And if he wanted to be with someone else, he could be? And his ex-wife is an ex for a reason? Why do I feel like his feelings for me are not as great as what he felt for her? Why do I think that everything we do isn't special because he's done them already with her? When we go somewhere and I think "I bet he brought her here, maybe she held his hand like I am now, what makes me special to him when I am just repeating the same things?". I hate that she was with him longer than I've been, way longer. I hate that she knew a part of his life I never will. I hate that I can't stop myself from snooping around looking at their old photos and trying to determine if they were happy or not or trying to decide if he thinks she is prettier than me. It's like I want to erase what he had with her when, in reality, she played a strong part in making him who he is today! I don't want to suck the life out of him but I'm afraid that's exactly what would happen if he were to give in to my insecurities. No amount of "I love you's" would be enough. He could never fill the bottomless pit of neediness that I feel.

 

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? I'm a very grown woman and should be more mature than this. But whether I am or not is not the issue because I'm ready to let go of this. I'm ready to embrace the love that is there and live in a mutually trusting relationship.

 

I just don't know how......

[Cheetarah]

You're correct in saying he could never fill your pit of neediness. Because no human on this earth can do it, except you and you alone. He could tell you everything you need to hear and then some, and you would undoubtedly still feel the way you do.

 

And until you learn to meet your own needs and feel secure on your own two feet, jealousy and insecurities will not dissipate.

 

The thing is, you CAN stop yourself from snooping, ruminating, etc. I've found that doing things like that(because I used to do them) are like compulsive behaviors. I don't know about you, but I actually used to feel something of a withdrawl/panic when I didn't do them. Thoughts about doing them would invade my mind all day long. So I think with these sorts of behaviors, you must learn to first - Cold turkey yourself. No snooping. Practice thought stopping. Ride out all your obsessive, uncomfortable feelings. Make it tougher for yourself to access those items.

 

I would even consider therapy. Not because something is direly wrong with you, but simply because I think therapy is GREAT for everyone. And therapists have so many tools readily available for you to utilize.