Should I/How Do I "Break Up"?

[antithesis]

I've been reading other people's posts all night, avoiding the reason I came to this site in the first place...

 

Long story short, he and I dated for eight years, I was "done" with the relationship, but I didn't know how to end it like a mature adult, so I cheated. Things were all over the place for a while, but we became friends again.

 

Now, we are super close, and we sleep together regularly (both literally and figuratively). It's like we are dating, though we both adamantly deny that we are. I have other friendships that do not peacefully co-exist with this. Yet, despite the pain and the strain, we remain close.

 

There are certain events approaching very quickly that will cause me a lot of stress and him a lot of pain if we are still "together". Yet, I just don't know how to tell him that we can't see each other anymore. Maybe I'm being selfish, but if I wanted to be selfless, I'd go back to dating him, regardless of the consequences to my own well-being. Our friendship is detrimental to us both, and I think we both know that, but calling it off is so tough.

 

For me, I can't stand the idea that it is "permanent". He has become such a part of my life that the thought of never seeing him again just doesn't register. And I just can't bear causing him the pain of calling it off, not again.

 

What do you all think?

[CatsMeeoow]

The bottom line is if you don't want to date him and you don't see a future you are not only holding yourself back but him as well. It will be very difficult and painful - that's life. You need to straight forward tell him you need to cut all ties and then you must be super strong and not slide back into bed with him... then it will show him you don't mean what you say and therefore why ever take you seriously???

 

There is no way to avoid hurting someone sometimes BUT the key is to end it now... how horrible if this goes on for several more years cause it won't get any easier and you are most likely not going to change your mind about where you see yourself long term with this guy.

 

Good Luck

[LillyLooWho]

I'm kind of in the same spot and my friend told me that I need to be apart from him for awhile. She tells me that I should tell him that we need space from one another because things have become too complicated, and that perhaps we can become friends after some time has passed. Maybe you could have a conversation like that with your guy. It is definitely hard to unstick yourself from someone you are attached to. I am there myself. In the end, you know what is best for you and you need to honor yourself by sticking to what your gut tells you. If he is truly your friend, he will be there when you are ready to be "just friends" at some point in the future. good luck.