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Day 100 something of NC - Extremely Tempted to break it.


okane24

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It's late and I'm tired....

 

Just got back from Vegas. Quick and dirty... nothing really happened except for me goin to a strip club...

 

These don't really help the ego at all. haha

 

So I'm SUPER tempted to BreaK NC!!!!

 

Day 112 or more or something... It's too hard to count right now.

 

I keep wondering why she called me 5 times a few days ago?

 

It's driving me Bananas!!!

 

What is going on in her head right now, that she would be okay to call me.

 

Why now?

 

If I do text her, what do I write?

 

"Hey, just got back from Vegas. SUper busy. I hope you are doing well."

 

I don't know. I don't want her to think that I'm out of her life. I Sitll think about her ALL the time.

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I'm not what that means though... What am I trying to accomplish by holding out longer?

 

I'm conflicted because I really do care about this girl.

 

I'm just worried because I don't want to get hurt again...

 

But I am extremely curious as to why she's reaching out to me... After so long...

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Thanks Yostina,

 

I would Love to be with her again... SOMEDAY.

 

Not now though. It's too un-realistic. She lives in Korean and I live in California.

 

We did not break up on bad terms at all. It was just the LDR and some insecurity issues I had, that I know I can fix if we communicate better.

 

I Know I turned into a Wussy and WAS NOT the man she fell in love with towards the end of our relationship.

 

I acted NEEDY, WHINY, WIMPY and I was not proud of myself towards the last few months of our relationship and I know that is a total turn-off for any woman, OR MAN.

 

On the same token, I don't know if I want to be her FRIEND right now either.

I still love her.

 

I want to know what she's thinking and why she reached out to me.

 

Why now? What triggered her to think its ok to talk now.

 

What does SHE WANT?

 

On the same token I don't want to break NC for something trivial or meaningless.

 

It's been a LONG, HARD journey and I'm not over her yet...

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I'm not sure who broke up with who, but if you weren't on bad terms, and you know where your mistakes were and believe that you contributed to the break-up, then it's not necessarily to stick to NC. Sometimes it's meaningless to stay in NC but we just stick to it because we hear a lot of how it's recommended missing out how different the situation can be. Responding back to her doesn't mean you are accepting her friendship or will be her friend. You can always choose what suits you the best. See what she has on mind, if it's pointless or far from what you want, go back to your NC. Be brief and to the point with her and don't show her any interest until you exactly know where she stands.

 

I hope this helps.

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Thanks everyone...

 

Your input is very helpful. You're right, if goes bad/sour, I can always go back to NC. I am not trying to win an ENA award or anything.

 

I just wanna be happy and get myself back. I think I'm close to getting there.

 

It's a little scary to be honest.

 

It's like opening Pandora's box.

 

I've Kept this part of me CLOSED for a LONG TIME now, and I'm daring to

open it up again...

 

But EVER SO SLIGHTLY!

 

I've been Guessing and Assuming that she's with someone new, AND she may

well be...

 

But I don't know for sure. And NOT KNOWING is actually a little reassuring, because

there is a chance that she is still SINGLE.... And possibly may still Love me.

 

I don't know.

 

I am gonna do it. I don't wanna live my life NOT knowing...

 

I'll Text her later today.

 

I might wait to hear back from CrapAtNC though first. I wanna see what thoughts he might have.

 

Even though NonChalance is supposed to be about everything NOT being a BIG DEAL.

 

This Kinda is a big deal for me...

 

I'll let you know how it goes.

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I agree with yostina and sadchick. NC is for you to heal and move on and we can see you still have feelings for her. I live in Tokyo and I was LC with my ex for 3 months. I found out she's dating someone knew but I'm

glad I know the truth. It's easier for me to move on.

 

I'd call her and keep it brief and light and fun. Keep us updated.

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