MissSMcc Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 After my recent break up i have thought of lots of things i want to do to improve my life and happiness, but right now it's still a struggle just to get through the day without letting my mind wander back to the split, so it's more like i'm distracting myself with daily mundane things at the moment. So im wondering if anyone has any advice on taking the plunge to make real changes, and if anyone has any success stories? I know I have to just get out there and do it, and believe me i will, but taking the first step and having a clear enough mind to focus on those tasks is seeming pretty tough right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterPo Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I suppose I started my self improvement with this site. I took the time and read alot of threads. Took some notes, pondered on some situations and from the notes started a fairly thick notebook on the more prominent behavorial issues within ENA. From that knowledge I applied to myself and of course, my situation. I think I'm a better person for it, I know for instance how I will approach a reconcilliation situation with the EX if it should ever arise. I also know that it's okay for me to just walk away and take my hard earned healing with me. Someone will benefit from all this misery. So...there you go. I hope that was what you were looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lechiffre1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Yep - totally agree with MasterPo. Having a read around this website is really useful. And there are some great threads. Really helped me out as well. Secondly, are you involved in any sports or go to the gym or dancing? I've found exercise to be one of the BEST things to dive right into because the feeling afterwards is just sensational and you'll feel better about yourself because you are making a difference! This is particularly important when you're in the early stages of grieving and is all about looking to better yourself! Not for him, FOR YOU! Bottom line, keep yourself BUSY BUSY BUSY! And spend lots of time with your family and friends! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy11 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Hey MissSMcc, I know you read one of my posts about having to distract yourself throughout the day, and how exhausting I've found it to be sometimes. So you know I understand how you're feeling! Well, one of the responses to my post was that I should make a list of goals, both short term and long, to focus on. I did this and set some dates to which I wanted to achieve them. Now I need to get my tush moving or else I won't meet my end dates! Today is just Day 1 of NC for me, but I am off of work today and so I made a list of 10 things I wanted to complete/accomplish throughout the day (such as cleaning my bathroom) and my hope is that checking items off of my list it's going to keep my busy thoughout the day and I'll feel a sense of success once my list is all complete. For the long-term I signed up for a 5k last night. It's not until June and right now I'd call myself a definite couch potato so it's going to be a big challenege for me to train from now until then so I can finish the run. Try something for YOU that will give you something to work towards every day and then set an end date so you cannot procrastinate or put it off because you are thinking of your ex and feeling down. Good luck, I'm here for you if you want to talk anytime. This site really does help and has a lot of people on it that understand exactly how you are feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissSMcc Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 daisy, thanks for the suggestion, thats a great idea. i will definetly have to start the daily list, im doing things pretty much at random just now to keep my mind off it, so a list could be a good way of giving my days some structure. i have thought of long term goals, and will have to sit down and work out exactly when is a reasonable period of time for me to achieve these things. it sounds like a lot of work, but thats exactly what i need right now! masterpo, writing notes is also a great idea, i've read through a lot of posts on this site, but haven't thought of writing them down. that would be good for me, to have a reference to go back to, and some inspirational words and practical advice to go back to when times get tough. thanks all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JEK1110 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I started reading a lot. First some baseball books, then comedy books, then self help books, and it snowballed from there. I've read more books in the last 3 months than i had in the last 10 years prob. I also cut back on drinking a lot cuz it was too hard getting up in the morning without being hungover. The combination of these 2 made me feel more alert and smarter(I've also lost 20+lbs). More recently i have starting writing a lot...mostly poems and short stories. At the moment most of it is about my ex but i'm hoping to broaden my writing sooner rather than later. Writing has helped me improve on showing my feelings which was the main reason she broke up with me. The first month or so is tough. After that i tried to improve for her but then i realised even if she doesnt come back i'll still be a better person. This site does wonders too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace696 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Personally I'm allowing myself to have a phase of just coping day to day for now. I feel like I need to get through this time of just surviving before I can begin to contemplate what I want out of life or where I'm going etc. So little goals are how I'm coping for now, mostly around looking after myself. Baby steps. Like Daisy's suggestion of smaller daily goals. Other than that, the thought of the longer-term future without my ex is still too painful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost Horizons Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Exercise has been my no 1. coping mechanism since my split. I just head out into the countryside on my old mountain bike and blast thru the miles. Totally took my mind off things in the immediate aftermath and made me feel great about myself afterwards. I've managed to drop 30 pounds in the past 6 months, which has boosted my confidence no end. I've also taken time to look at my life - what I like about it and what I don't like about it. This also helped me identify the cause of my relationship breakdown. I would say I've fixed 90% of the things I was unhappy with but still have some way to go. I've found doing things outside my comfort zone has helped also. Made me realize there is a world out there with loads of opportunities that you'd previously not considered. I'm now 5 months out of a long term relationship (15 years+) and am happier now than at the end of the relationship. I'll be honest though, I still miss my ex alot and think about her everyday which kind of sux ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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