tripped Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months and everything has been absolutely great. However, one thing that has become a SLIGHT issue is the consistent changing of plans on her part. I am someone that finds this incredibly annoying and a letdown, while she is someone that feels like canceling our plans is better than being together when she doesnt feel like it and creating conflict. Both make sense, but are somewhat opposite. Last night, she told me she wanted to hang out tonight, but then this afternoon I call and she says she doesnt feel like coming. I tell her it's alright, but obviously my tone of voice was not happy. She starts saying that I'm making her feel bad, and that she thinks i'm being unreasonable and not understanding. Well, long story short, we go back and forth for awhile about why we thought we were right, and after about an hour, she says that she sees my point and we should keep our plans. Cut to a couple of hours later, I get another cancellation explaining that she is feeling very sensitive tonight and just really feels like she wants to be alone. I tell her that I am fine with that, and that I trust her to make the right decisions for herself. In her sensitive mood, she said the whole thing just pissed her off, especially when I brought up a similar situation I had with an ex where I learned the importance of giving people space (we have both talked extensively about our past relationship, understanding the importance of the lessons learned), and that she didnt want to talk to me for the rest of the night. She said it was mainly just a "mood," and that it in no way meant that she didnt wish she could be with me tonight. I understand that most women are slave to their emotions and hormones, but it is very hard for me to not feel like it's an issue. Do any of you have similar experiences or advice to offer? Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Well, I'm a woman and I don't usually cancel plans so I'm not sure it's a gender thing necessarily. However, I would say that in order for you to remain in this relationship, you will have to accept that this cancellation thing is a part of who she is. So anytime there are plans, I wouldn't count on them happening. Imagine everytime she says "yes" what she is really saying is "maybe". If you can get into that mindset, then your expectations will be lower and when she cancels, you will already be expecting it, and if she doesn't cancel, you'll be happy. I don't think you can get her to change since this seems to be a pattern. So you need to decide if you can live with it or not and then go from there. I wish you luck. Link to comment
tripped Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think you're right. I have been trying to do that lately, but it's kinda become an issue of "I need to say something and get it off my chest or it will fester." Now that I've told her it's an issue, hopefully I can except her pattern. But still, I'm interested in anyone's additional advice. Link to comment
tripped Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Oh and also, do you think it would be a bad idea to reschedule on her next time I'm feeling in a blah mood? I get into these moods as well, the difference though is that I hold myself accountable for the plans I make whether I feel like doing them the day of or not. Sometimes this leads to be being a pretty big downer during that time, so I definitely understand her point. Do you think canceling on her next time I feel this way will show her how annoying it can be, or just make things worse. An example I gave her during our conversation was for her to imagine me telling her I would take her to dinner one night, then calling a few hours before and saying I felt like staying in and playing video games. Not cool lol. Link to comment
cursedgirl Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I generally don't like people changing their minds,especially just a couple of hours before the plan. if you promised me you should have kept your words.and i dont like moody person. im not responsible to cope with your . so i dont think you did anything wrong,OP Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Learn to be flexible, the world doesn't always run according to plans. If you don't feel up for a date, don't go. Its rude to the other person to be subjected to a date with a person that doesn't really want to be there. Link to comment
BMP2CPM Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Don't tell her you're OK with her bailing out on you. When she was a teenager, how do think her father reacted to that kind of stuff? He probably got pretty mad at her. She's going to love the man who most reminds her of her father. So, don't pretend to be someone you're not Otherwise, she'll leave you for the first jerk she finds. Stop trying to be something that women tell you to be. Be yourself and you'll do better with women. Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Oh and also, do you think it would be a bad idea to reschedule on her next time I'm feeling in a blah mood? I get into these moods as well, the difference though is that I hold myself accountable for the plans I make whether I feel like doing them the day of or not. Sometimes this leads to be being a pretty big downer during that time, so I definitely understand her point. Do you think canceling on her next time I feel this way will show her how annoying it can be, or just make things worse. An example I gave her during our conversation was for her to imagine me telling her I would take her to dinner one night, then calling a few hours before and saying I felt like staying in and playing video games. Not cool lol. If you agree that it is a good idea to postpone plans when either of you are in a bad mood, then of course you should cancel next time you feel blah. However, if you are doing it only as to "one up" her, then it is not a good idea. You are just trying to get back at her if you do that and that is not good for the relationship. You are taking out your anger and resentment in a vague way. It would be better to tell her how you feel and be direct. But like I said, if you two as a couple decide that you both have the option of cancelling if you aren't in the mood to go out, then I think that is a healthier way of dealing with it (so long as you are both on board). Link to comment
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