SilentSnow Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 The title explains it all. For the past 2 months my underwear were disappearing. I asked my fiance about it and he said he doesn't know where they went. On top of that when my underwear reappears it's stretched out. Again I asked my Fiance about this and he swears up and down that he doesn't know. I was starting to think he was cheating on me. So I decided to put a spy cam in the bedroom to figure out what's going on. Well the good new is that my Fiance isn't cheating...but he's the one who's been wearing my underwear. He puts them on and starts jerking off in them. I...I don't know how to react to this...should I be pissed that he's been wearing my underwear or flattered by this? I really don't know! It's been over a week since I've found out and I still haven't told him about it...I don't know how to execute this...please help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Why not just talk to him about it? If you're planning to get married to him, I think that you should have a talk with your sexual preference before taking things to the next level. He should be upfront and honest with you. Perhaps he doesn't know how you would react if you knew about his fetish? If you can accept this, perhaps it can even spice things up in the bedroom? To each their own. However, definitely have a talk with him about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterPo Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Some guys are into weird things like that. If he was urinating on them I would be concerned. Sounds like a "this is mine, let me show you by marking it" type of deal. I'd just buy him a pack of his own and tell him to take it home once he's done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 lol? i wouldn't confront him about it. he'd be way to embarrassed to give you an explanation. also, you putting up a spycam is a little deceitful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 What do you want the outcome of the conversation to be? I think you should figure that out before talking to him... Making him feel ashamed or embarrassed is not going to help ANYONE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think its a harmless kink. i that's what makes him happy, let him do it. although, he should have his 'own' set - and not always be stretching out yours. i would talk to him about what kinds of sexual things he wants to try, and suggest you do them together. maybe he'll fess up about the panties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misssmithviii Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I'm a firm believer of openness in a relationship. I'm concerned that he so easily lied to you, multiple times to the point where you had to follow up with the evidence. If he's willing to marry you, he's going to have to understand lying is unacceptable. Taking your underwear to fulfill a fetish and lying to you about it is ridiculous - tell him about the camera, tell him you had to follow your gut and you won't accept lying in the relationship and that you want to know who you're marrying, and that you're ok with it (if you are). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 well, yes he lied - but she put a hidden camera in the bedroom. there's some lying and distrust all around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misssmithviii Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Agreed, so I suggest cutting that all out by just plain talking about it (hence explaining the camera thing) - perhaps I take honesty to an uncomfortable level, but IMO full honesty shouldn't be uncomfortable at all between two people venturing to become married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
commpro11 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think you should just talk to him. I love putting on woman's underwear from time to time...and I was soooo embarrassed until my fiancee caught me once. We talked about it, and I found out that she doesn't think it is that big a deal and understands that I have this "fetish", and was willing to work with it while having sex. If it makes us happy behind close doors, who cares what others think.....so if you are ok with it, I say talk to him, say you are ok with it....and have fun! My 2 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMP2CPM Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 It's definitely a fetish. I guess the question I would ask if it's a heterosexual fetish or something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetkisses22 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Idly no one has mentioned the possibility of him being gay? There's a difference between jerking off IN underwear and jerking off holding the underwear. Wearing it suggests that he has cross dressing fantasies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 well, cross-dressing doesn't have to mean gay. some straight men like to wear women's clothes. and i know gay men who wouldn't touch women's clothes with a 10 foot pole. now, i did date a guy who was bi and i walked in on him one day wearing (and stretching out!!) my bra! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
antithesis Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Agreed, so I suggest cutting that all out by just plain talking about it (hence explaining the camera thing) - perhaps I take honesty to an uncomfortable level, but IMO full honesty shouldn't be uncomfortable at all between two people venturing to become married. Agreed! What's the point of "'til death do us part" if there are secrets, if you can't share everything, if you can't talk about things? This should be the one person you can talk to! I also agree that you need to be very careful when talking to him that you don't make him feel embarrassed or ashamed (and apologize for spying!). Maybe share a naughty fetish/fantasy/etc with him to break the ice? Then you both need to set boundaries, ie: you tell him he can only jerk off into certain pairs; if he tells you this is a private thing, then let him have his privacy; etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 For the past 2 months my underwear were disappearing. I asked my fiance about it and he said he doesn't know where they went. On top of that when my underwear reappears it's stretched out. Again I asked my Fiance about this and he swears up and down that he doesn't know. The fact that he's lying about it is a big issue (would be for me, anyway). Not only once, but several times he strongly denies knowing anything. Then you find out that it IS indeed HIM, and he still lies about it. Not good. Not only that, but what would also make me really angry is the fact the he's stretched out the underwear, basically ruining it, meaning you have to buy new ones to replace them etc. HE should be buying you new underwear, or even better, get himself a whole bunch which he can use as he sees fit. I have no idea how you should approach this, but I think your biggest warning flag here is his lying. It makes one wonder what else he lies about and so on. When couples are about to get married, there shouldn't be any secrets between them (imo). If he has this fetish, he should let you know about it. Good luck! Wish you well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilliesFan001 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 It has nothing to do with being gay. Cross dressing =/= homosexuality, at all. Just talk to him about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Sounds like a fetish than anything. I highly doubt he's gay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I am amazed that the spy cam worked so well. You might have a future in home security systems.... It is time to cut through the secrets and lying. Granted he may have shame about his habit but you are going to be his wife. Did he really imagine he stay secret squirrel with this secret through an entire marriage? Address it head on and tell him that as his partner, you do not want to have secrets like this. Give him the chance to unburden himself and trust you 100%. The only danger is this might uncover other secrets that he has been keeping. Tell him this is a one-time amnesty to get it all on the table. You really need to know who you are marrying, all the quirks, good, bad and kinky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snny Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Capricorn beat me to it. I would be so PISSED that a guy lied and ruined my own clothes. Women underwear can be expensive, especially if it's Victoria Secrets. A guy jerking and cumming in my own underwear is beyond disgusting. I would not be cool with it for the same reasons Capricorn expressed here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velvette Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 he was lying because he was embarrassed, it's probably his darkest little secret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foxfire21 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I know that everybody here is saying that it was wrong for you boyfriend to lie and say he doesn't know about the underwear, I understand. But you should also understand that he might have been embarrassed to tell you about it. it might also be more pressure to tell you since your family is a bit conservative and doesn't know how you would react to this fetish. Just talk to him. Tell him he can keep the ones he stretched already and buy you new ones. Tell him it's okay to be open with you about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greggie Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Ok, there seems to be a lot of differing opinions on this one. Here's mine: I know relationships (especially marriages) are supposed to be based on honesty and openness, but honestly, if I were you, I would not say anything. There is a reason why your fiance has not shared his women's underwear fetish with you: he is embarrassed. Maybe one day he will be comfortable with telling you about this fetish, maybe he never will. Either way, I think you should wait for that day, even if it may never arrive. Let me explain my point of view. I have fantasies and turn ons which I am embarrassed for having. Once, while I was in a serious relationship, I drunkenly confessed some of these fantasies to my boyfriend. He was completely cool with it, and attempted to fulfill them for me. The real thing did nothing for me, as my embarrassment completely ruined it. My point is, there are things I fantasize about while masturbating which I will never tell a boyfriend about, because I will not be comfortable with sharing these fantasies. I am not saying your boyfriend will never be comfortable with telling you his; I am simply saying that HE should be the one to make the decision when or if he wants to share with you his fetish. A fetish is a personal thing. An inner most fantasy. Let it be his call when he wants to divulge something so personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StopandStart Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I don’t think this is something you should be so disgusted/ concerned about, perhaps more amused. You should probably think of it as an act of marking is territory in a slightly fetishy way. Either you can keep it a secret that you know and save it for a rainy day, if you generally both like to be open about things or you should confront him about it. If you do that he will be highly embarrassed as its probably his dirty little secret, and you might have some explaining to do about the camera so be ready for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 My only concern would be if this leads to future cross dressing or deeper issues. A common starting point for cross dressing is masturbation in clothing of the opposite sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredofvampires Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 We don't know this man's past with being honest about this -- perhaps he's disclosed this to women who freaked out on him, and as a result, he feels terribly ashamed. Normally, I'm hugely taken aback about any sort of lying, and I would be very disturbed about this, but I see this one as more a lie borne out of wanting privacy in a matter that won't affect the relationship but will only humiliate himself, than a lie borne out of wish to hide a behavior that defiles the relationship. So, the type of lie it is, is somewhat mitigating in my view. I know this sounds a bit facetious (since I'm a huge fan of directness and honest talk), but I actually think I'm serious about this: if I were in your shoes, I'd find another place for my own underwear just for a while. And I'd buy a generous stash of ladies' underwear that are a few sizes too big, and put it where you usually keep your underwear. So next time he does that, he'll have a perfect fit. Then I'd just wait to see what comes of that. If he doesn't initiate something discussion-wise in the next few weeks (getting more worrisome), then I'd bring it up by asking if the new underwear has been kinder to his bloodflow in the crotch recently. If he keeps playing dumb, then I'd find that quite telling. I'd really call him out on it and give the whole run-down of how he's gone to these lengths to cover this up, and say you'd like to know why. Does he not trust you? Does he have bad experiences around being truthful about this? And is there anything else you should know that he'd treat like this, because you NEED trust and openness in a relationship and this worries you. Try to see if this is one isolated thing he feels humiliated about and if it is, I would probably forgive it, as long as he expresses regret that he hasn't been able to bring himself to tell you before, can account for why it's taken so much teeth-pulling and can assure you this is an isolated thing. But depending on how long he pretends nothing's going on, the more concerned I'd be. I know this sounds kind of gamey and tricky, which is why I said I don't normally advise like this, but in this case (which I do take seriously), I think it might give him a chance to "come clean" on his own initiative first, without feeling browbeaten right off the bat. It might make him feel he's been found out, but that it's okay to talk about. But I would ask him to replace your underwear. Edit: good point by DW. I would tell him now that you've established that you know this much, is there more? (though I have to say, he'd be pretty stupid to keep returning the underwear stretched out, thinking this secret would go completely unnoticed and unsuspected -- so perhaps he unconsciously wanted to let the cat out? And he's using HER underwear, not just any underwear, which if he intended to live a double life of totally clandestine cross-dressing, he could have done much more furtively and effectively.) How IS your sex life and life as a couple otherwise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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