headwreck Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 This has always bothered me… Myself and my ex were work acquaintances for years, then we started to work closely together on a project and got friendlier and friendlier. He was really sweet. He knew I was stressed about stuff so he tried to lighten my work load, told me I could work at his house if I liked (quieter), would proof read my stuff, told me if ever I needed to rant that he was there for me and I could talk to him….etc etc he was my rock during a really difficult project. Anyway after a couple of months one thing led to another and we started seeing each other. He thought I was perfect when we were seeing each other, and we grew even closer. Then after 5 months ish he got a job abroad for 6 weeks, freaked out and dumped me. He wanted to stay friends….I reluctantly agreed, but I had so much respect for him and thought he had a heart of gold so I agreed to try. For the next year I tried. We ended up working on the same type of project again and my rock was nowhere to be seen. On some occasions he could be mean, but mostly he just didn’t care how stressed I was and on one occasion when I was really stressed got me to work for him (I thought he was snowed under too) but then I realised he was working on his own project. Anyway basically, my head cannot work out, if he is the person I went out with or the selfish spoiled brat he is now. I know I can’t expect the same attention as when I was seeing him but he often doesn’t seem to care at all. I would never have fallen for this guy…is there any way of telling these guys from the off!!?! It would save a lot of heartache… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Sounds like this guy had a relationship with you, went away dumped you either because he could not trust himself or he could not trust you for some reason with ldr. Possibly insecurities while abroad. And now he is just plain not in to you. He maybe looking else where and his behavior is how he is to people when he has no interest in them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveTrump Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Don't think there is a way of telling. Perhaps he was being TOO nice? That might be a sign of a false person. It might be worth mentioning that both men and women are on their best behaviour/presentation when pursuing a relationship. It's only a bit further down the road when you start seeing their flaws. You now know the real him. A word from the wise would be : DON'T GO FISHING OFF THE COMPANY PIER! Forget him - he's a douche! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misssmithviii Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 There are a few tells, but it's so difficult to decipher since every human being is different and I don't really know how to even answer your question. A nice guy isn't always nice, and guys who are nice to you aren't always nice to you either. This man in particular got what he wanted or just can't continue a relationship with you and has probably lost a significant amount of respect for you (perhaps by remaining his friend after what's happened while he doesn't even act like a true friend). I would say don't associate with him anymore, and when he comes crawling your way for attention; be politic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headwreck Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 We broke up over a year ago - He's seeing someone else now but only since I stopped being friends with him a couple of months ago. I know that he treated me like that cos he wanted something from me, but I genuinely thought we were friends and that I meant something to him, so I can't understand the turn around - yes I didn't expect the late night phonecalls anymore (though got a few) but I expected him to stick up for me and tacke my side during some fairly stressful work stuff. I did that for him. I just miss the friendship I thought we had. Plus it scares me that he can be so rude and selfish and I didn't see it because he wasn;t that way to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misssmithviii Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Unfortunately life doesn't always add up but that's because people change, their behavior and motives change and their attitudes change, sometimes so frequently or so abruptly we think to ourselves that it can't be true... But we must realize that it is what it is and we have to roll with the punches. I think of it like a list of tally marks, like an investment if you will. People in my life make little investments with their words and actions. The more good investments, the more I feel like I can say they're a good person and vice versa. Different things have different amounts of importance too of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headwreck Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Don't think there is a way of telling. Perhaps he was being TOO nice? That might be a sign of a false person. It might be worth mentioning that both men and women are on their best behaviour/presentation when pursuing a relationship. Thanks, yes I think he was prob too nice in hindsight! I suppose it's the fact that we grew close as friends first. He said that when he kissed me first it was a shock to him and said that he hadn't even thought about me romantically before then - so becoming friends wasn't a premeditated game... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveTrump Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 sorry to hear that. it's sad because he used you not just physically but for work too. what goes around come around! Be strong now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headwreck Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Unfortunately life doesn't always add up but that's because people change, their behavior and motives change and their attitudes change, sometimes so frequently or so abruptly we think to ourselves that it can't be true... But we must realize that it is what it is and we have to roll with the punches. I think of it like a list of tally marks, like an investment if you will. People in my life make little investments with their words and actions. The more good investments, the more I feel like I can say they're a good person and vice versa. Different things have different amounts of importance too of course. Very true, thanks I suppse it is/was......is difficult to get over because i never got to get irritated with him as a boyfriend. I went from being perfect to dumped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaveTrump Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Thanks, yes I think he was prob too nice in hindsight! I suppose it's the fact that we grew close as friends first. He said that when he kissed me first it was a shock to him and said that he hadn't even thought about me romantically before then - so becoming friends wasn't a premeditated game... There you go! False people try too hard. So if he was a false person, then all the lines he gave you were probably false too. In time, you will see it for what it was, and that realisation will help you heal so much easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headwreck Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 There you go! False people try too hard. So if he was false person then all the lines he gave you were probably false too. In time, you will see it for what it was and that realisation will help you heal so much easier. The thing is I said that to myself for the first couple of months - if he used to say nice things - like I was the most beautiful girl - I used to smile at him and tell him to pull the other one. I fought against what he said. Then after 2 months I started to believe him and thought well maybe this is what a good relationship is supposed to be like. I guess I never questioned whether the closeness was fake....because that just seemed too calculating. I'm not a fool, I know men tell you stuff to get you into bed - but they rarely call you to tell you that they are constipated...but I guess he needed to tell someone that ! I'm not sure it was though - it was just one sided. This year, whilst we were broken up - he rang me for 3 hours once, to talk because he was depressed. He was always doing stuff like that. And because i wanted to be friends I was there for him....grr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Lol I learned that after my first breakup. Any bad boy or nice guy keeps telling me they're nice I tell them I prefer a gentleman and peace out. I'm happy I got one. Haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Lol I learned that after my first breakup. Any bad boy or nice guy keeps telling me they're nice I tell them I prefer a gentleman and peace out. I'm happy I got one. Haha! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 What you do to tell is spend enough time around the person to be sure. A phony person can only keep it up so long. A real person is GOOD. Good to you and good to everyone else. Some people are downright good people, and in this day and age sometimes that can be misconstrued as trying too hard. Like I said, spend time. Focus on their actions, not their words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Anyone who wants to seduce you will be on his best behavior, but one way to weed out flakes is to question whether he uses good judgment. Seducing a coworker, IMO, is not good judgment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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