Springs Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I've been with my guy for over a year now, and we went through the typical honeymoon period where we couldn't take our hands off each other, and we'd use any excuse to get it on with each other. Now unfortunately, it often feels like he has any excuse to not get it on with me. It's strange because I know he still finds me attractive (eg when we see each other, he gets erect etc) but I feel like he is not that interested in me anymore in a sexual way. Sometimes I even think he would be just as happy if we never had sex at all. We cuddle and kiss all the time and are both very much in love, but the sex is just nowhere near how it used to be. The past few times we've done it, he hasn't finished or we end up in an argument about which position to be in or something. Sometimes, I will initiate it and he'll say 'not now' or 'we'll do it later'and then later comes and we're too tired. I feel like it's a constant string of excuses and it makes me feel so upset I've asked him about it but he says that's just how relationships are at this stage and it's nothing to do with me, but im not sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C07746 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I go through this with my GF all of the time (recently broke up). I am 22m. The reason being for me is that when i first got with her she was good looking, then she blew up to about 275 lbs... i am 205, therefore my sex drive (for her) died. But there is more to it than just that... i'll keep thinking and respond back inna few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Sex can lose it's dynamite after a while in a relationship, so you try new things to make it more exciting. It can't be explosive every night and dazzling every morning and that doesn't mean that because it's not that you just stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C07746 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Yea but then it could be her personality after a while that is just annoying, or she constantly aggravates... maybe its like a mental immaturity she perpetuates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finallystrong Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Springs: Unfortunately, he sounds like he isn't in love with you anymore. Once the fire burns out, you HAVE to keep it going by adding more fuel. Switching it up, not keeping it repetitive. A healthy relationship is always about keeping it different and not monotonous. He most certainly still loves you, but it doesn't sound like he's in love with you. I'm sure you can decipher the difference. It's very probable he has interests elsewhere, which is why he doesn't feel "in the mood" anymore. Sex is a big part of the relationship, and if the sex isn't healthy & strong, there is definitely a problem. You seem to be in a different mindset than he is, and I suggest you to confront the issue before you dig yourself deeper into this hole. Whether it's him being depressed from issues he is not telling you about, or possibly another girl he is thinking about, he does not feel the same and it's affecting the way he feels about you. My advice would be to confront him. Stay strong, and don't be a push over. If you are willing to add some fuel to the fire, you might need to think outside the box, sexually. Do things he's never experience from you. Control the mind with the body. Unfortunately, men are weak when it comes to that. Take control, or move on. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkelephant Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 You cant attach his desire for you to sex. It doesn't work that way... The guy's sex drive isn't as high as yours. That's probably all there is to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think I agree with the "love" but "not in love" thing. But the question is - How do you get him/her to be IN LOVE with you again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finallystrong Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think I agree with the "love" but "not in love" thing. But the question is - How do you get him/her to be IN LOVE with you again? It's all about the spark. Every relationship, as well as people who define being "in love", is different. Different encounters can cause a spark. Trying new things. But even so. Sometimes once it's gone for a person, it's gone for good. When you realize different things about a person that turn you off, it tends to be a detriment within your mind. And sometimes you can't see past it, no matter how much they try to re-kindle the fire. There's really nothing specific to do in regards to creating a new spark, because as I said, every relationship is different. It might be the case that a person cannot see themselves with you in 5 years, so their feelings start to slowly fade naturally. Maybe you seem to have no career? Too many mental issues? No goals, wants or needs? All people want a partner who is compatible with them in as much areas as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus90 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I've been with my guy for over a year now, and we went through the typical honeymoon period where we couldn't take our hands off each other, and we'd use any excuse to get it on with each other. Now unfortunately, it often feels like he has any excuse to not get it on with me. You pretty much answered your own question. That's why they call it a honeymoon phase. It's unfortunate, however there are ways to bring the "spark" back. If I were the guy, then I'd want to do it more, if you weren't initiating it all the time. Once you'd stop, I'd immediately catch on and initiate myself. Human nature buddy Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swampyankee Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Hey Springs, sounds like we have alot in common. J/K, but I hear what you're saying. Even if it is just the waning of the honeymoon phase, it causes alot of insecurity and questioning when one of you is ready to cool things down before the other. IMHO, whether it's a year or 2-1/2, it's still too early in the game to be having these kinds of conflicts. In your case though, I would get some dialogue going and see how he feels about the subject. If it seems like he's just not on the same page as you, then you need to decide if you can adjust and live with a little less intimacy than you'd like. That's where I'm at right now. I'll keep you posted... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyberchick Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I say that you should stop listening to the stories in your mind and the stories on here that you need to make your relationship better than it is. Your mind is telling you a lot of stories about how things SHOULD be --- that you SHOULD be having more or better sex, that things SHOULD be different than they are. Well, no, they shouldn't be, because they aren't. How about trying to love your relationship the way it is, instead of trying to change it into something else, thinking that that will make you happier? You don't know that it will. We struggle so much with issues in our relationships because of the way we think about those issues. THe struggle is often with our minds, not with what is happening outside of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightbulbSun Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Sex is an important part of some relationships. Obviously, if it's an important part for you, then it's important. I disagree with loving your relationship as it is. Some people want bigger and better things than others...or at least different things. If that's a dealbreaker, then maybe you should consider re-evaluating the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyberchick Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 I think that what we often think is so important to us is often a story that our minds are telling us. Same with wanting bigger and better things. Why do we want them? Often, it is because our brains are telling us that we want them. Or more to the point, that our relationships SHOULDN'T be what they are, that we should want more, that we are entitled to more, etc. The feelings we equate with wanting something else are thoughts that are being reflected in the body. And we jus assume the feelings and thoughts are true, so we follow them. We think the end of our struggles will be acheived by changing our external circumstances (ie. find a relationship that gives us what we want) when really it is a change in our thinking. I"m not saying that this is definitely the case in this young woman's life. But maybe if she actually investigated her feelings about the relationship further, she might uncover something that could change her feelings about the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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