Sad Lisa Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 My BF is 20 yrs older than me. We have very good time and endless topics thru emails. I express my feelings in an explicated way. I share with him all my thoughts. In opposite, he is the most laid back person I have ever met. Sometimes I feel that he has not opened his heart to me yet. I always fear of losing him if I don’t get his email. He told me that he is not ignoring me and just has some family and work commitments that are pressing him. I feel like an outsider, excluded from his family and work. I know he loves me a lot. Otherwise we cannot have maintained on-off-on for over 5 years regardless lost of struggle. I don’t know if he loves me. Can someone give me ideas? Should I tell him my true feelings or just give him time for his own issues? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 It sounds like it's all online....have you guys ever met in person? Is he married? Sorry I just need more info here. It sounds like he's a very laid back person....I can't say whether he loves you or not, I don't know, but he may not be the sort of person to spill out his feelings like you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterPo Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 He's comfortable with your situation, no need to rock the boat in his mind. I would have a talk with him and express how you feel, if he thinks it is not big deal and blows you off then maybe it's time for you to go. I don't advocate ending a relationship but if all resources have been exhausted and you still feel the way you do, then take care of you first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 If he loved you a lot, he would have made you part of his life by now. You are a glorified pen pal. Like Fudgie asks, have you ever met in person? Have you exchanged numbers? Know anything about his "real life"? Maintaining contact "on and off" is a cyber cheater give away. Also, disappearing and breaking contact for "family reasons" whenever he needs some distance. This sounds very troubling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Lisa Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 1. He was my daughter's teacher 5 years ago. Then he left and started teaching in another school. We met in a coffee shop accidentally when I drove my daughter to school. He asked me out. By the time, both of us were living with another partner because of family obligation. I refused to see him first. He was hurt. But I couldn't help to see him after six months. We always had argument when I asked to formalize our relationship. We have been in on-off struggle for four years. I love him deeply. I went to another city after he refused to see me and felt devastated as he determined the four-year relationship was a myth. I tried to keep myself busy and avoid touching anything about him. But I just cannot get over the break-up. I could not help to send him an email at Christmas Eve and told him that I missed him very much. He replied immediately and said he had been thinking of me at the moment when my email was through. We started email to each other again. My question is how I can go about getting a bit more communication and understanding between us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaintWithLight Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 More communication and understand could be challenging because of the distance. You are still both in different cities now, right? Could you arrange to meet together on a semi-regular basis. Perhaps someplace midway and neutral, at least for coffee and a chat? Are you both still in other relationships as you mentioned? Again, that could make increased contact more difficult since more contact increases the chance of discovery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Lisa Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 Thank you for being honest to a stranger. I ended another relationship. When we're together he was really affectionate. We cuddled all of the time and very intimate. I have been suffering from shyness and been fighting with the fear of being an outsider. I like adventures or apply a sales job because I want to overcome these fears. And it becomes a way to cover up my cracks. I tried to impress him rather than taking a chance to know him or really communicating with him until now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sad Lisa Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Hi Guys, he asked if we could talk again and I could talk about myself to him without worry. I was thrilled. On another hand, I am nervous what we should talk about. Should I tell him that I check my email 50 times during the day. More communication and understand could be challenging because of the distance. You are still both in different cities now, right? Could you arrange to meet together on a semi-regular basis. Perhaps someplace midway and neutral, at least for coffee and a chat? Are you both still in other relationships as you mentioned? Again, that could make increased contact more difficult since more contact increases the chance of discovery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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