lizzie_S Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Ok, so I don't really know how to word this but I'm in a relationship with this guy and it's both our first real relationship. He is 20 and I'm 18. We've been dating for a couple months now and he's moving really quickly for me. We're both virgins and he's really into exploring things. I wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't so unsure about us. I have strong trust issues and he tells me he loves me and wants to have sex but I've told him I'm not ready. He said he's okay with that but I'm not really sure. That's beside the point tho. My real problem is that I've told him no to bj's and I've given him my reasons and he says it okay and won't force me but he keeps bringing it up over and over and I feel like I was guilt tripped into giving one. He kept asking to give me oral until I caved and he said that now he feels like he's not getting his fair share because even tho he said it was okay at the time that I didn't want to he still brings it up and now that i've caved I feel like I was pressured into doing so. He really is a nice guy but he moves so fast that I don't know where I stand anymore and I don't want to regret going too far. Can anyone out there give me advice on my situation? I would greatly appreciate it. I guess what I really want to know is if it's normal to go this fast? Am I weird for not really wanting to do anything sexual with him? I mean I Really like him but anytime I do anything to him like a hand job etc. I feel creeped out/scared/nervous . Is this normal for women or am I just weird? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Bottom line is you aren't ready and he's pressuring you to do things you aren't comfortable with. Dump him before you do something drastic you REALLY regret later in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jooj Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I agree with optimisticgirl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 There is nothing wrong with having good reasons not to want to engage in sexual activities and he should not be pressuring you. So I agree that you should dump him. I wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't so unsure about us. I have strong trust issues Having said that, I also think you should analyse why it is that you don't want to be sexual because if this is going to be a problem for you in the future, when you do want to get into a long-term relationship, it would be as well to address any issues now. Some people have an aversion to sex that goes beyond not being ready, or not wanting to with a particular person, or being too young and if that applies to you it would be as well to be aware of it. So dump Mr. Insensitive, and then do a little self-analysis. Has this occurred with other boyfriends and do you think it might occur in the future? Why do you have these trust issues? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 p.s. I see from a previous thread that you are a Quaker - could that be the reason? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StopandStart Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 When you say "We're both virgins and he's really into exploring things" im not really suprised by his eagarness. Thats quite natural for guys that age. However you need to learn to stand your ground. When you say no it should mean no and dont let him force you in to something your not completely ready for. If he loves you he should be happy to wait. If he cant then perhaps you should move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzie_S Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 Thanks for your advice everybody. I really do like him a lot I just I don't know what feelings of mine to trust because I've never been in a relationship before so I dont know which ones to rely on, if any. I just dont know if I'm ready for a sexual relationship, we're both new to relationships and he is my first real relationship. I guess I didnt expect my first relationship to be so serious, I didn't think I was the type to fall so hard and now I'm scrambling trying to figure out what to do... I recently talked to him and he says he feels bad for pressuring me so much and that he'll wait because he cares about me but at the same time he says that he's getting bored of waiting too, which scares me more than anything (To DN I dont think my trust issues have to do with my religion unless its on a subconcious level. I think my trust issues are just based on the fact that I'm terrified of being hurt and letting my emotions get the better of my logicistic side. does that make sense? Its kind of hard to explain but there isnt really a concrete reason for it...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 That makes sense to me. As far as him saying he will wait but is getting bored - that makes sense too. I think it is a way of saying he won't wait forever. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait to have sex until you are comfortable and that may include until after marriage. But there is nothing wrong with someone wanting sex on their time scale as well and if the two time-scales are different enough it may be there is an imcompatibility that cannot be overcome by compromise. That doesn't mean anyone is wrong - it is just that there is a difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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