AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 So basically, my ex gf if youve read in my other posts is supposedly pining after me a bit, or she wants me to think that. Her best friend that I introduced her to is inviting my friends to go to the club (probably in assumption that I wont be there). Tomorrow night, there is a mutual friends birthday party. Up until now, my ex has been brooding etc, and not getting out much whereas I have been the exact opposite. My friends/Mom/Brother/Everyone I have talked to think I hould go to the club with my friends tonight like it doesnt matter to me that she is there because right now I hold the upper hand between us, If I do not go, it will look to everyone that I didnt go simply because she was there. This makes me look bad etc, and although it may drive me mildly insane being there I think it will (as with other situations that you put yourself in where you are forced to adapt) make me grow. Up until this point we have been NC, she broke it last night to try and talk to me because she knows we will see each other Sunday, I responded and she went and told one of my friends I was being "Short" with her which he told her I wasnt. My friends are not sure what the night will hold tonight the club is our second option but the other one is a far drive for a party with a lot of friends. If I end up going to the club I will risk seeing her act like a "harlot" to make me angry (I wont let it happen) and dance with other guys, where I will have the opportunity to do the same thing. I have decided I will be the bigger man and not be overly promiscuous, but if an attractive woman approaches me I will not decline. Lately she has been showing signs of regret, but I feel that by me showing up at this place it will A) Blindside her, and B) Not allow her to have any kind of control in the situation Sunday night (IE: people being comfortable with her or control over what the group does) By me not going tonight I will show people that I am not progressing through this and she is ready to be single again (which is basically completely swapped in this situation, creating me as an unknown attitude on Sunday and ehr as an established one) I know this seems thoroughly over thought, It probably is, but wish my good luck because I have a funny feeling I;m gonna end up at that club tonight pretending I dont care at all. My brother who is 2 years younger than me put it the best: "you know what shes been saying to your friends, If she does nothing, shes in pain still. If she does something, she looks immature, and you know shes faking it based on what shes telling everyone in 'her world' so whatever the outcome you still win, you just have to go" Oh and the things she was saying to my friends: "I feel horrible because I feel like Zak thinks I'm having fun without him in my life and the fact is I'm miserable every day" "I'm so nervous school is starting again, I'm gonna have class with Zak too..." (And some kind of repeat of the above statement) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Please people I need help I'm supposed to leave in the next hour to go.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 well go.. be nice to her and dont make her ur center of attention.. have fun around her and let her see life is great without her in it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm3 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think the onus is entirely on you... you have to decide what's more important to you: showing her that you're unaffected by the breakup and moving on brilliantly or securing your emotions by avoiding seeing her getting dirty with other guys it seems highly unlikely she 'wont do anything' all night, I'm sure she wants to show you that she's unaffected too. it's a big risk I think more importantly you should start to focus on how to be happy regardless of her actions or opinion of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 I guess yea....I dont think she or her friends know I'm going...this could be very very interesting. -_-" Its just gonna be weird especially if she starts paying ME attention because I am transferring schools in 6 months so if she tried to start over with me it would be impossible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 I think the onus is entirely on you... you have to decide what's more important to you: showing her that you're unaffected by the breakup and moving on brilliantly or securing your emotions by avoiding seeing her getting dirty with other guys it seems highly unlikely she 'wont do anything' all night, I'm sure she wants to show you that she's unaffected too. it's a big risk I think more importantly you should start to focus on how to be happy regardless of her actions or opinion of you Youd have to know the girl, part of the reason I have embraced the breakup is because she is weak and unadventurous generally. I'm getting dressed to go now... Maaaaan, I keep hearing it wont be as bad as I think but it looks very bad from where I'm sitting lol And at that....yes I feel like my emotions are NOT going to be very secure tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justaglimmer Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Just go if you really want to, really it seems like you've already done your homework on this. Do like you said and act as if you don't have a care in the world. Keep that upper-hand! Stay confident and try to have a good time. I like your brother's advice too. Then again (just a thought here) if you DONT go, she may be looking for you, and you may hear back something like "yeah she was really bummed that you weren't there, she was looking for you" etc etc... But thats just a thought, GO if you want to, just truly have a good time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Just go if you really want to, really it seems like you've already done your homework on this. Do like you said and act as if you don't have a care in the world. Keep that upper-hand! Stay confident and try to have a good time. I like your brother's advice too. Then again (just a thought here) if you DONT go, she may be looking for you, and you may hear back something like "yeah she was really bummed that you weren't there, she was looking for you" etc etc... But thats just a thought, GO if you want to, just truly have a good time. I'm honestly intimidated by the thought of going. Clubbing was never my thing. I'm going to prove a point....and she wont be looking for me because she doesn't know I'm going at this point as per my knowledge. I don't even think she thinks im invited. She thinks shes going clubbing with friends from work, her friends, and my friends that she is sort of friends with because of me. I'm just worried because its only been a month, and it was a 14 month relationship and we were together almost all the time. I was very invested in her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justaglimmer Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 In that case, be very cautious tonight. You're doing a pretty gutsy thing by going to this club so please make sure you're ready for something like that before you go. Do whats best for you, no matter how it makes you look. You may be put through a lot of torment by going and seeing her purposefully make you jealous and try to be center of attention. Proceed with caution, and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 I dont think she has the guts but....if its a competition she ends up wanting, yes, its easier for girls but I will manage to make her feel the burn haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AloneAgain19 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 My wingman bailed, so I had no real way of having fun so I decided not to go, somehow she found out I was going and started freaking out saying to my friend "Omg idk if i should dance with other guys or not" and all this stuff. I texted her saying "Hey I was gonna come out tonight but something came up, go enjoy yourself, I hope we can enjoy more outings like this without any issues She responded with "I'm not going either so you go if you want and thank you for telling me I appreciate it, see you tomorrow I think that put us off on a good foot as friends and nothing more for tomorrow although based on her response to me going, I think she mays till have a thing for me. I got a lot of info out of this exchange and I dont feel like I lost my footing for breaking NC, she broke it yesterday anyway lol. I have realized now that this enxt semester will only come with 2 main challenges with her and I have solutions for each: 1) She wants me back, I simply tell her it can't happen because I am making huge changes to my life within the next year (be nonspecific I dont want her to know I am leaving) 2) We hook up drunk ( more likely me drunk and her not ) I tell her it cant happen anymore and then am forced to reveal my relocation plans (not a huge deal) If she persists then it looks to me like I have a friend with benefits until I leave? If none of the above then I guess I'm all set for recovery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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