My long break up story

[ericm1990]

The following is an insane (but true) story about the relationship I had with a certain girl:

 

1. We started going out during the first half of my 8th grade year.

 

We were in the pep band together at school. We didn’t get to see each other much at all, as I was in the 8th grade and she was in the 7th grade; however, I would frequently see her in the library in the morning and she would flirt with me. For example, one day in the library she passed me a note that said she liked my haircut. It wasn’t many days after that, that she gave me a note asking me out. I honestly didn’t know if I should say yes. I thought she was a cool girl. At the time, however, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go out with someone a grade below me. I ended up saying yes to her, mainly because I didn’t want to say no.

 

I had learned early on that she was a muslim. This knowledge was actually one of the main reasons I was in doubt about accepting her request to be my girlfriend in the first place. I was just embarrassed about what my family might think about me dating a muslim. After all, my dad was a pretty Christian guy. Another thing I learned was that she had a brother in my grade (8th). I had known this guy before I had even known her. It was actually surprising to me when I learned that I was dating this guy’s sister. I sat with him pretty much every day at lunch.

 

It was because of these two things that we had to keep our relationship a secret from the very beginning. She really did not want her brother or mom to find out about us dating. She told me she knew her family would not approve of her dating anyone. We ended up being very bad at keeping this secret. Eventually all of our friends knew about us and it was only a matter of time until her brother found out. He did eventually find out, but he never directly confronted me about it. The situation was just extremely awkward for both of us. So, naturally, we just completely ignored it around each other. My girlfriend was still worried, however, about her mom finding out. One day she actually decided that she wanted to just go ahead and tell her mom about me. She wanted to do this by bringing me up to meet her after school one day. I told her I really didn’t want to do it because I knew it would be really awkward meeting her mom, but she ended up convincing me it was for the best. She said she thought that her mom had disallowed her previous relationship with a guy (another guy in band & her grade level) she dated because she tried to hide it from her. So, she was hoping that if she didn’t hide me from her mom then maybe her mom would accept us being together. It actually seemed to work. I was introduced to her mom, and her mom was actually quite nice. Afterwards, she ended up telling me that her mom really liked me! Well, this was obviously good news. We no longer had to keep our relationship a secret from anybody.

 

At our school, there wasn’t any talking allowed in the library in the morning. And since that was one of the few times we got to see each other every day, we developed a system of communicating through handwritten notes. I would spend almost every bus ride to school writing a note to give her when I saw her in the library in the morning. She would write me notes just as frequently and I would really enjoy reading them. The main time we actually got to talk to each other was during band class. Despite being a grade ahead of her, we still shared the same band class. Also, I remember several nights, after playing pep band for a football game, where we would walk and talk with each other for hours around the stadium. It was over this time that I grew to really like her – maybe even love her already.

 

At some point early on her notes to me began to take a darker turn. She would complain to me about being horribly depressed about things. She would tell me that her mom never appreciated her. She would complain that she did all the chores in the house, yet her brother got all the attention. I would respond to these notes as well as I could. I truly cared about her and tried to encourage her through anything that was depressing her. Also, she would often explain to me how sad she was over the death of her father. Her father died when she was in around the 2nd grade. He died of an unknown cause (they did not request an autopsy) in the middle of the night. She would even write to me about the day she discovered him dead. I felt tremendous sympathy for her over this. I too had experienced a loss in my immediate family such as this. When I was in the 4th grade my older sister died. My sister had juvenile diabetes and went into cardiac arrest one day when her blood sugar was out of whack. I didn’t tell her about this though. I guess I just didn’t like talking about it. Though, she did find out later. It was when we were on a school trip with the band. Both of our moms were chaperones on the trip and they talked to each other a lot. I guess at some point my mom told her mom about my sister, because after that trip she knew about it. She wrote me a special note saying how sorry she was for me about it and everything. I appreciated it, and I felt we bonded even closer after this.

 

I really believe I helped her through the bout of depression she had that year. In the beginning of the year she dressed almost like she was a “goth” kid every day. She would wear the same black hoodie almost every day. A couple months after we started dating, however, she was different. She no longer dressed like a goth and, overall, seemed to have way more confidence and joy. She made me happier, too. Every day I would look forward to the times I got to see her. Anytime I was with her was simply the best part of my day. I don’t think I was ever without a smile when around her. I really loved her.

 

We began to consume each other’s thoughts more and more. She was all I ever thought about. Our notes to each other got even longer. Even though her mom seemed to be ok with us being together, we were still not aloud to go on any sort of date with each other. The only time I really got to see her outside of school in 8th grade was one time when I was invited to her birthday party. Over christmas break we knew we would not get an opportunity to see each other. So, she wrote me a series of notes to read each week of christmas break. Also, I gave her my email address. She didn’t have an email address of her own at this point but she thought she was visiting some of her cousins over the break and assumed she’d be able to use one of their email addresses. This turned out to be true. I got several emails from this point on - at most once a day, as she seemed to only be able to write them in secret. On this point I am still a little bit confused myself. Maybe she just thought it would be awkward if her mom or brother saw her writing an email to me. I guess I can understand that.

 

2. She broke up with me at the end of my 8th grade year.

 

Well, everything seemed to be going great, but near about 2/3rds through my 8th grade year. She started to never respond to my notes. She even began to avoid me. I could never find her at our normal meeting spots throughout the day anymore. Of the few notes she did write me during this time period, one of them concerned the difficulties she was having dating me because of her religion. She told me that she shouldn’t be “an item” with me because of her religion. Also, she said her mom had told her to stop dating me. I responded that if she wanted to pretend to break up with me and we could just be “friends”, I would be ok with that. I told her, “We would be friends who just so happen to still love each other.” Well, one day soon after that I saw her in the hallway and she told me, “We should just be friends.” She hugged me and then she walked away.

 

After this, however, we did not truly remain friends like I had thought. I could tell she pretty much wanted nothing to do with me. I still wrote her an occasional note to give her on the occasion I saw her at school, but I pretty much never got a response. I was really confused why she wouldn’t remain friends with me. If the only reason she gave for breaking up with me were true (her mom), she should want to remain my friend..because she would still love me; however, what I found was that there was another reason she broke up with me. It became obvious to me that she just used her religion and her mom as an excuse to break up with me. The reality was that she had stopped loving me. It was a harsh reality to deal with for me.

 

Somehow I still felt like maybe there was hope for a future though. After all, I still saw her (briefly) almost every day. I remember on the last day of school she even hugged me goodbye, as we knew we would not see each other for a while, because summer was starting and the next school year I would be going to a different school than her. I would be going to high school, while she would still be going to the middle school. Nonetheless, she remained on my mind a lot. I (foolishly) began to convince myself that maybe we still stood a chance together, maybe her excuses for breaking up with me were truthful, and maybe she still loved me.

 

Near the beginning of the summer, however, I went to a party this girl I knew was having for her birthday. At the party I found out something about my ex. She had started dating someone right after she broke up with me! I had seen this guy before, too. I had often seen him sitting with my ex and her friends when I would see her in the library in the morning. This news really hurt me. It was like she broke up with me a 2nd time. I had brought myself to a successful state of denial over her breaking up with me. I told myself things like, “She only broke up with me because her mom told her to.” This news shattered all those feelings. I did, at least, hear that they broke up pretty quickly. Apparently, the guy randomly kissed her one day, and she didn’t like it so she broke up with him. Regardless of the detail, at this point one thing was clear to me – her true reason for breaking up with me was that she didn’t love me. None of her other excuses were honest. I was heartbroken.

 

3. We started going out with each other again the beginning of my 9th grade year.

 

I still got maybe a total of 5 brief emails from her during the course of the entire summer. They were just enough for me to still cling on to some bit of hope for “us.” She even ended some of the emails with “love ya.” Of course, I was still upset about her lying to me when she broke up with me; however, I was still, unfortunately, in love with her.

 

When my 9th grade year started, I actually got to see her a lot more than I thought I would. Her brother was in marching band with me in 9th grade, so she would come to every football game and competition we had. I even got to see her after practices and band camp, because she would usually be with her mom when her mom picked her brother up from the band practices. Naturally, I usually had a note to give her when I saw her on days like these. Surprisingly, she actually responded to all these notes again. I started to feel really happy again, I could truly tell she was starting to like me again. In one of her notes she even told me how much taller I looked and stuff, in a good way.

 

So, one day after a football game I was talking with her and I asked her about why she broke up with me and then started dating another guy. She basically just told me, “I am so sorry. I was just really stupid back then. I didn’t love you then near as much as I do now!” I believed her. We then officially got back together.

 

We really didn’t get to see each other too often because we went to different schools, but we wrote each other really long notes to give to each other each time we knew we’d see each other. Also, she still seemed to not want anybody to know we were dating, but everybody still found out again like last time. Regardless, we still always attempted to keep things on the “low down.” Similarly, she told me her mom still wouldn’t allow her to go on any actual dates with me. Other than that, things actually went pretty good between us. We had a definite attraction to one another, that’s for sure. I 100% believed she loved me again, and I was happy.

 

4. She broke up with me again the middle of my 9th grade year.

 

Things continued as expected until about halfway through the school year. I was going on a marching band trip to another state to march in a parade. It just so happened that her mom was going to be a chaperone on this trip and she was going to go WITH her mom. So, she would actually be going on the trip with me even though she wasn’t in the high school marching band yet. We were both pretty excited about this because we knew we’d get to see each other a lot during the trip.

 

She completely consumed my mind during the trip. The whole trip all I wanted to do was be with her. Nothing else mattered to me when I had the option to be with her. For example, I remember, at one point during the trip, the whole marching band went to an Italian restaurant to eat dinner. The seating in the restaurant consisted of a lot of tables with about 8 seats each. I remember there was one table filled with a lot of my good friends and another table with a bunch of moms/chaperones sitting at it. I chose to sit at the table with all the chaperones, simply because that is where she was sitting. She was sitting there with her mom. The dinner was a little awkward sitting around all the chaperones, but it was still my favorite part of the trip. We got to talk a lot with each other during the meal, and it was just nice to sit and eat with her.

 

Later on during the marching band trip she gave me a note. It was a pretty long note. She told me about how she couldn’t stop thinking of me, and many other things. Near the end of the note, however, she talked about how she was lying in a bed wearing nothing but shortshorts and a spaghetti strap shirt. The most we had done together at this point was hug and hold hands. So, obviously, this was pretty exciting to me. I gave her a long response to that note on the last day of the trip. At the end of my response I told her that the thought of her in shortshorts made me horny. It was the first time I had said anything like that to her, so I was really nervous about how she would react to it. I felt it was the right time, because (judging from the end of her last note to me) she was clearing wanting me to say something like that. At least that’s what I thought.

 

I kept waiting anxiously for a response to that fateful note I sent her. A response never came. After this trip she completely stopped contacting me. Of course, it didn’t help that the end of this trip marked the end of marching band season. After all, the main time I got to see her was during football games where she was there with her mom to watch her brother in the band or marching practice where I would see her because she was with her mom picking up her brother from the practice. I now had no way of contacting her. I saw her once or twice on the few times we had an after school practice for symphonic band or something, and I gave her a long note asking her why she was ignoring me. She continued to ignore me. Until, a guy I barely knew came up to me and gave me a note he said was from her. (This guy had a younger brother who went to the middle school, so apparently she gave it to his younger brother so he could give it to the guy who gave it to me.)

 

In the note was basically what I expected, but it still hurt just as much. She broke up with me. I honestly do not remember what reason she gave for it in the note, but I do know it was not truthful. Regardless, it put me into such a state of depression. I could barely even eat for weeks. It was all I could think about. I couldn’t believe she didn’t love me again. I had made her my everything, and now I had nothing. I suspected the actual reason she broke up with me to be due to the note response I gave her on the marching band trip – that, coupled with the fact that we never got to see each other (again, being that it was after marching band season) caused her to “fall out of love” with me.

 

The information I am about to tell you in this paragraph I did not find out until much later, however, I am still going to put it here for the story’s sake. I found much later on from a friend that still went to the middle school, that she actually cried over the note I sent her where I said she made me “horny.” I guess it was just a shock to her because she was raised in such a conservative muslim home. Also, I found out much later on from a different source that she actually dated somebody else during this time period. It was a guy who was in her grade. I don’t know exactly when she started dating him, but my guess is that it was really soon after she dumped me. I actually think she might have dumped me to start dating him, but I do not know for sure.

 

5. We started going out again the summer after my 9th grade year.

 

Near the end of my 9th grade year of school I started getting emails from her again. They weren’t anything special, just forwarded chain emails; however, some of the chain emails had certain romantic implications to them; for example, a couple of them went along the lines of “get kissed by somebody you love if you forward this email.” Whenever I got one of these types of chain emails I would really hope she sent it to me to flirt with me. Regardless, I knew these chain emails meant she was thinking about me…and I was certainly thinking about her.

 

Her mom taught at a local elementary school. This is significant because right before summer started her brother told me that their mom was moving classrooms, and he asked if my twin brother and I would come with them after school to help all the stuff from one classroom to the other. My twin brother and I both agreed, as it would be able to count as community service hours; however, my main reason for agreeing to help was to be able to see his sister. Also, my twin brother coming along to help worked out nicely. He had no interest in my friend’s sister and was also a friend of my friend, so he talked with him enough that I was given plenty of opportunities for private conversations with her throughout the day. I was so happy the entire day being with her and talking with her. I could tell she enjoyed it too. By the end of the day I was certain she was in love with me again.

 

Over that summer we were back in a relationship with each other again. We would email each other and exchange notes all the time; however, her mom would still not allow her to go on dates with me or anything. Also, she still preferred to keep us a secret from her mom and brother to prevent them from getting upset. I remember several nights though when we would get on the computer and IM for hours. She would sneak out of bed in the middle of the night and text me that she had gotten on the computer usually around 3am or so. This would wake me up so I could go to the computer and we could IM the rest of the night. I remember I loved every second of it.

 

I did get to actually see her several times over the summer for various reasons too. For example, one day over the summer I was invited to help her brother build a patio at their house. She was pretty good at thinking of whatever way possible we would be able to see each other. I was too, and we took advantage of every opportunity we could over the summer. The best time was during the end of the summer, during band camp: two solid weeks of band practice with her. Haha..I remember out favorite part of practices was when the director would have us march accross the field holding hands to make sure we stayed aligned correctly while marching. We would always make sure we were standing next to each other so we could hold hands.

 

When my 10th grade year in high school started things got even better. We were able to see each other almost every day, as she was now a freshman in high school and I was a sophomore at the same high school. I would get to be with her every day at school in the morning and during band class. Also, I would see her every day after school during band practice. Also, I would be with her every Friday night because the band played at all the football games. Marching band was so much more fun with her there with me. We spent every possible second with each other.

 

6. She broke up with me halfway through my 10th grade year.

 

Suddenly, half way through my tenth grade year started behaving coldly towards me. Sure enough, a day or so after I started noticing her acting distant, she broke up with me. She claimed her reason was due to her perceived inability for us to ever get married because of her religion; however, we had discussed this topic several times before and always decided we would get around it. It was clear she just made up another excuse to break up with me because she no longer loved me. Her breaking up with me for a third time was still (somehow) shocking to me. I took it really hard. It literally made me sick to my stomach. I could almost never eat and I threw up all the time. I ended up spending the rest of that school year just trying to ignore her, because I quickly realized she would use every opportunity she could to show me how over me she was. I succeeded in ignoring her, despite the fact that I sat right next to her in band; and, for the most part, she left me alone too. It was still near impossible to get over her. Even by the end of my 10th grade year I still cried some nights thinking about it.

 

7. We almost got back together again the end of my 10th grade year.

 

At the end of my 10th grade year, one day when I was out hiking in the woods, I got a text from her. She told me she still thought about me and still loved me in the text. It was a dream come true to me. I was so happy to receive that text. I immediately (and foolishly) forgave her for breaking up with me. We continued to text each other and even called and talked to each other that weekend. I felt like we were pretty much back together again. Then, (as I found out much later) she took seriously some sarcastic jokes I sent her through text and got really mad. I guess I should have realized sarcasm doesn’t convey through texts very well. Anyhow, she soon became very cold to me again and sent me some of the most hurtful texts I’ve ever received. She told me that I had changed, that she didn’t like anything about me now, that I was lazy, etc. Almost in the same second as I got those texts I started crying and even threw up multiple times. I couldn’t realize how she could say things so mean. I even told her I was crying and throwing up over it, but she didn’t care.

 

It was like being broken up with again all over again. I had to start back from the beginning in my goal of trying to get over her. It was a hard thing to do because I still knew that, pathetically, I would still take her back if she started to love me again. We completely ignored each other the last few weeks of school and the following summer until band camp started

 

8. We got back together the beginning of my 11th grade year.

 

When band camp started I was still not even close to over her; however, I still knew it was best for me to continue to ignore her as best as I could. Soon after band camp started she began trying to cordially talk to me. I let my guard down and stopped ignoring her. I felt good that at least she was the one that broke the “no contact.” So, we ended up talking a bit during band camp, and one day during practice she told me she still liked me. This is when our relationship began again. I was extremely hesitant to start a relationship with her again given how many times she’s broken my heart, but I wasn’t strong enough to resist.

 

This time I really felt like things were different. I had real hope the relationship would last. We had plans to go to the same college after high school and everything. We even talked about getting married. We were both completely in love with each other again. We were both completely happy. Her mom was even more accepting of us now. She even let us hang out with each other over weekends a lot.

 

9. She broke up with me halfway through my 11th grade year.

 

We spent a lot of time with each other over the first semester of the school year and even during the beginning of Christmas break. Halfway through the break, however, she left to another state to visit family for a week. Her mom even gave me keys to their house so I could feed their cat and dog while they were gone. I was happy to do them the favor. I missed her a lot while they were gone and we texted each other constantly. Everything seemed to be fine and then, with 5 days of her trip left, I stopped getting texts from her. I probably sent her about a text an hour for each of the 5 days I got no response, and each hour I got more and more worried about why I was getting no response. I feared she had stopped loving me again. My fears turned out to be true. The 5th day I noticed she had even been on her facebook, but still had not contacted me. I sent her a facebook message and she finally responded, only to break up with me. It broke my heart all over again.

 

I couldn’t believe she had honestly broken up with me again. I begged her to reconsider and asked her what had changed. She didn’t give any good responses. Coincidently, I went to the hospital the next day for emergency surgery because I had appendicitis. I guess she felt bad for me, because she texted me and even came to visit me with her brother after my surgery. I was clinging desperately to at least maintain a friendship with her, but I was just too heart broken. For the rest of my 11th grade year we fell back into ignoring each other. Every once and a while I would break no contact by texting her something. She would always respond in a ridiculously cold manner that broke my heart even more, so I slowly stopped with the random texts.

 

One day after sending her a random text I got the feeling she was seeing somebody else. So I asked her. I was pretty upset when she coldly told me she wasn’t and I responded with something along the lines of “I can’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth anyways.” She obviously was angered by this because it caused her to tell me the truth. She very harshly told me she was in fact seeing somebody else. She told me she liked this guy before she even knew me, and that she only ever dated me because she thought she didn’t have a chance with him. Ouch. This absolutely broke my heart all over again. Also, she told me she never cheated on me, but who knows. I realized my only chance of getting over her was seeing her as little as possible. This is why I made the decision to not sign up for band the next year. One day halfway through 11th grade I officially signed up for courses for the next year without band being one of the classes. I knew it was for the best.

 

10. We almost got back together the end of my 11th grade year.

 

. I almost hated her at this point for how many times she had done this to me, but even by the end of my 11th grade year I was not over her. This is when we had a band trip to an amusement park in a different state to play in a parade. Over this trip she was on my mind more than normal just because I saw her so much. It had been a long time since I had broken no contact with her, but over the trip I did it again. I sent her a text. She responded in a friendly way and we actually began to have good conversation. We even started to hang out on the trip together. I could tell she liked me again and I was really happy about that, but I was still hesitant about starting another relationship with her.

 

This is when, near the end of the trip, one of her friends sat next to me during the awards ceremony for the bands in the parade. I was getting the feeling that her friend was interested in me, and I realized I kind of thought she was cute too. We talked a lot the rest of the trip and I even got her phone number so I could text her over the bus ride home, as we were assigned to ride on different busses. We texted the entire hours long bus ride home, and was even told by her friends she was interested in me. We continued to call each other, see each other in school, and text after the trip. We both really enjoyed being around each other.

 

During this I was also getting texts from my ex. She told me she thought she was over me, but when she saw me sitting with her friend at the awards ceremony she got really jealous. I was pretty happy about this, because I still wasn’t over her; however, I was extremely hesitant to stop flirting with her friend and start another relationship with her. Regardless, we continued talking and hung out together some. I could tell she really wanted to get back together with me, and she made it no secret. She flirted with me a lot and even told me she still loved me, and I even flirted back with her. I couldn’t help it. I still loved her. One day she asks me the question: Do I want to date her friend? My ex basically told me to do whatever made me happy. She even told me I should probably give this new girl (her friend) a chance, and that if it didn’t work out she would still be there. I told my ex that I really loved her. I told her I definitely loved her more than I liked her friend; however, I also told her that she’s broken my heart so many times I don’t know if I can start another relationship with her. Basically, I ended up telling her I just couldn’t make up my mind on the subject.

 

So, for a week or so I was talking with both my ex and my ex’s friend, unable to make up my mind. Then, during band class one day my ex flirtatiously took my phone to mess with it. While she had my phone a text from the other girl popped up. It was a flirtatious message and it got her really upset. In fact, she told me she didn’t ever want me to talk to her again, and to just continue my relationship with her friend. So, it was clear to me at this point that when she told me she was ok with me “trying things out” with her friend, she was no serious. I always knew she was going to get upset if I chose her friend over her though. Obviously, she wasn’t just upset with me. She was upset with her friend too. I felt really bad and apologized as best I could. I explained to her that she’s just broken my heart too many times. I couldn’t risk it again. This was a really hard decision to make. After that my ex just ignored me and her friend for the rest of the year.

 

11. I start dating her friend.

 

Meanwhile, I am now continuing a relationship with her friend. I would go to her house for dinner, sit with her at lunch, go to movies with her, etc. Sometime over the summer I ask her if she wants to officially be my girlfriend, and she says yes. I was pretty happy about it. This was the first girl I had ever had feelings for besides my ex. I had questioned so many times whether I could ever love somebody else, and now I knew I could. It was a pretty freeing feeling. I did notice, however, that when we changed our relationship statuses on facebook my ex removed both me and her exfriend from her friends list. I had hoped that maybe one day we could have still been friends and didn’t like being defriended, but I did understand.

 

12. Her friend broke up with me.

 

Things with my new girlfriend went pretty well until the end of that summer. She would go days without calling me or answering my texts. It was a feeling I knew all too well. She was falling out of love with me. A few weeks into the first semester of my 12th grade year of high school she broke up with me. She told me it was because she just realized she wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. In retrospect, I feel like I probably pushed her to this by being too clingy. For example, I probably texted her too frequently.

 

I actually took the break up pretty well. Since we had only been dating a few months it really wasn’t that big of a deal; however, I did notice something I didn’t like the day we broke up. I noticed her and my last ex became friends on facebook again. It made me almost certain they were talking about me, as two ex’s would. I didn’t appreciate this, but I accepted it.

 

That last time I’ve gotten upset about her was at homecoming my 12th grade year. She just so happened to win the homecoming court thing. I was pretty annoyed at my luck with that. After all, who wants to see their ex be on their homecoming court. It was just completely unexpected. Also, she won homecoming queen this year, but I don’t care anymore. After all, I’m away at college now and will likely never see her again. I’m actually happy for her even though we still haven’t talked in over a year and still not even facebook friends.

 

So, that’s pretty much the end of the story. I’m in my freshman year of college now, and I’m completely over her. I just felt this was a pretty epic and ridiculous story that needed to be written down haha. I always thought I could write an entire novel on all this stuff, and now I know I actually could. Even though it is so long I still left out a lot of details. Well, I hope this ridiculous relationship story was at least entertaining to read.

 

If you have any questions or comments, please post them.

[ericm1990]

update: Its been almost a year since I posted this so I figured I'd give an update. I still have not flirted with the idea of starting another relationship. The thought of starting another relationship seems stressful and I don't think I am capabale of handling the added stress at the moment. I'm currently working on a chemical engineering major w/premed and its taking a considerable toll on my time and energy.

[Tmania]

Wow, Never let your heart be broken by the same person twice. I hope you've learned that lesson.

[Klokwurk]

Damn that was a lot of writing! Enjoy college.