Bluesman89 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 So... more dating site complications.. I'm thinking that, as usual, things are too good to be true here. Basically a girl I messaged recently (who lives abroad), responded and said she'd love to get to know me and if I could get back to her at her email. So that's just what I did, and quite promptly at that. It was a short email and I just asked what life was like in her country. Anyway a couple of days later she replies and starts giving me a heap of info about herself (including her height, weight, city, living situation, job etc.) and even includes a few new photos of herself... which I have to say were breathtaking.. I responded to that email, in which I thanked her for telling me a bit about herself and that I liked her photos.. Ending with a question about her job. Now her response to that email was quite strange. After talking a bit about her job she brought up coming over to me, saying that she could work or if I wanted she'd stay at home.. Then ended her email, asking if I had plans to meet with her! I replied saying that I'd love to meet her, but that I was currently living at home with my family and would that bother her. So I guess if she doesn't respond to that I'll know her real motives. Would do you think about this? It's hard to tell myself she's a gold digger because she'd have seen on my dating site profile that my job does not reel in the big bucks, in fact it's probably the most unstable line of career there is (self employed musician) and she would have far more options surely.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theankh Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I don't think gold diggers bother with 21 year old musicians. If she were after someone with money, you don't exactly fit the sugar daddy stereotype. However - could you imagine that she might be after a green card? Her saying that she'd either work or stay home when she comes to you suggests that she's not expecting it to be a short stay. Where is she from? What are her current living conditions like? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I don't think gold diggers bother with 21 year old musicians. If she were after someone with money, you don't exactly fit the sugar daddy stereotype. However - could you imagine that she might be after a green card? Her saying that she'd either work or stay home when she comes to you suggests that she's not expecting it to be a short stay. Where is she from? What are her current living conditions like? Yes that is exactly what I was thinking. She is from Eastern Europe, does not have a well paid job (though she went to college for it), and lives with her parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iBroken Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 There seem to be some redflags here. She is already talking about meeting when you guys just met? Not to rain on your parade but it sounds a bit suspect. And I know that fraud has moved to the online dating world. So keep an eye out for her wanting to come see you but having you send her some cash etc etc........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Yes, she sounds suspect. Bluesman, why do you keep talking to these far away girls? Why not only look either locally or in your state or even neighboring states? Stop looking overseas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velvette Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I find it funny that she replies with heaps of info about herself like height, weight, photos... if you found her via dating site I imagine she copy+pastes this info to all potential bachelors, and goes with the best catch she can find. you're probably one of many. seeing as she replied you several days later, perhaps you're not even high on the list (due to your job?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I won't be offering or agreeing to send her any money, that's for sure. There's no way. Unless we got to know each other better over skype or something (is that something I should suggest btw?), but even then I'm not going to let myself fall into a scam. Fudgie, I've mentioned before the reason I do this, it's because I seem to have little luck with maintaning the interest of girls I talk with online in my own country. velvette, I've actually checked and it seems it was actually 1 day later when she responded to my first email (i was convinced it was two for some reason). But anyway yes, what you're saying could well be the case.. it would be nice if it wasn't though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Yeah, I think this girl is likely preying on you to be her sugar daddy, regardless of the fact that you don't make any money. As several of us have spoken about in your threads, I think your posts (and likely your profile) betray your pretty intense insecurity, and people can sense that from a mile away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 She sounds like a total scammer. I don't want to be stereotypical but my family is directly from Eastern Europe, one of the former soviet bloc nations, and no matter how badly you think you are doing financially, OP, a lot of the Eastern European nations are doing a lot worse right now. So sounds to me like she's looking for someone to get her out of where she is and over to Western Europe. Run far away from this woman, it sounds to me like her messages were more of a sales pitch to you rather than a normal "getting to know you" type of thing. If you insist on searching for women outside of your country, at least look for girls in nations closer to yours economically and geographically (again, sorry if this sounds really stereotypical, but in my experience these are very real concerns.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 But bluesman, you have to keep looking. You're wasting your time with these women. The reason why many of them reply is because they are scammers. You won't find true love and acceptance there. Many men get rejected many times before finding someone online. Goes for women too! That's just how it is. These women aren't looking for what you are and you will be dropped once they find that you're not willing to get them a green card/money. Sorry but that's the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Well guys I got a very interesting response back and I could use your thoughts on it. Hi honey no it is fine that you live with your family. i am not rich at all, so i got used to worse conditions on living. Sometime my sister sends me good cloth and cosmeticks, so i am fine, my parents buy food. I can't afford to go out evento the cinema, so i got used to that don't worry. It's hard not to be reassured by that email that she's genuine, but once again I could definitely use as many opinions as possible on it. Also another thing to mention is that so far she has not asked me any questions about myself. I suppose she had info on my profile, but still it makes me wonder. Although then again I have found that it's been rare for any women I have been in contact with on dating sites to ask anything about me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 So any thoughts on the response? I'm thinking of asking her if she'd like to go on skype with me, as that would be another way of determining if she's genuine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Even if it's not a professional scam, I would be wary of someone who is already making plans to come over after a few emails. Why aren't you looking around for women in your own area? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Even if it's not a professional scam, I would be wary of someone who is already making plans to come over after a few emails. Why aren't you looking around for women in your own area? Yes, I know I am naturally wary about her. That shocked me too, but when I think about it there are 100's of better (more wealthy) suitors if she's after money and someone to support her. And I am looking out for women in my area, but ones I am attracted to are few and far between. And when I do get talking to one, they usually always just suddenly stop responding despite there being good conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Whoops sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Yes, I know I am naturally wary about her. That shocked me too, but when I think about it there are 100's of better (more wealthy) suitors if she's after money and someone to support her. But it may be a situation, as others suggested, where she just needs a contact in your country. Somewhere to stay and someone she can lean on so that ultimately she can find someone who does have what she needs. At the very least she can get a green card from you and then look for someone to support her financially. I find it interesting that you are not having luck in your immediate area, so you go all the way to an eastern european country? Why not Belfast or Dublin? There's tons of people there. Or another western country, like England or Scotland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Well guys I got a very interesting response back and I could use your thoughts on it. It's hard not to be reassured by that email that she's genuine, but once again I could definitely use as many opinions as possible on it. Also another thing to mention is that so far she has not asked me any questions about myself. I suppose she had info on my profile, but still it makes me wonder. Although then again I have found that it's been rare for any women I have been in contact with on dating sites to ask anything about me. How exactly is this being "genuine"? So she intimated that she wants to come visit - or even LIVE - with you, and you implied that she wouldn't like that because you live with your parents and don't have money. Her response is "oh hey, that's okay, I still want to come." I don't think she still wants to come because of you - she barely knows you. She still wants to come because she wants a sugar daddy/a way to leave her country. I think you're looking at this in a too optimistic and positive light. This girl is trying to use you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theankh Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Why does that response somehow make her seem genuine to you? You realise if she is a scam artist trying to work her way into your life, she's not exactly going to act disinterested or tell you it's not cool that you live with your folks. If anything, her response just makes me even more suspicious - all her talk about not being able to afford so much as cinema ticket could be leading into persuading you to lend her money. Believe it or not, sometimes people who aren't super rich are better to target for money. People who are rich are normally pretty smart to have earned that money, and they didn't get where they are by giving loans to foreign chicks. Whereas guys like you are far easier to tug on the sympathies of because of exactly what you're doing right now - convincing yourself she must be genuine with no real evidence, and telling yourself she'd never go after a guy like you if it were for money. Bear in mind, if she is after something then she may not outright ask for it either. That's too obvious. But she could play on your sympathy, talking about how difficult things are until you're feeling awful for her and offering to help. And then before you know it, you're sending her money. If you post on here about it, you'll justify it by saying 'but she's never asked for it, I wanted to give it to her!' Well yeah. Because she's manipulated you into it. I don't see why having to make some effort to meet women who actually live near you and are unlikely to be after your money/green card is somehow worse than constantly meeting girls who are interested in you because you can get them out of a bad living situation. Very romantic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Right you guys have certainly giving me a lot to think (and be cautious) about. I'll keep it all in mind, and I will be sure not to fall into a trap if this is one, but for now I don't see the harm in trying to see what she's about. Anyway so I sent her an email asking if she has skype and if she'd like to talk on there. Well just now (within 10 mins) she has responded saying she does not have a cam or a mic but asked if we could talk on the phone. She also included a photo of her at her computer (weird I have to say). She attacthes photos to every email you see, do you find that odd? Thing is she is so stunningly beautiful, and that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to not continue this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Right you guys have certainly giving me a lot to think (and be cautious) about. I'll keep it all in mind, and I will be sure not to fall into a trap if this is one, but for now I don't see the harm in trying to see what she's about. Anyway so I sent her an email asking if she has skype and if she'd like to talk on there. Well just now (within 10 mins) she has responded saying she does not have a cam or a mic but asked if we could talk on the phone. She also included a photo of her at her computer (weird I have to say). She attacthes photos to every email you see, do you find that odd? Thing is she is so stunningly beautiful, and that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to not continue this. Everything about this screams scam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bulletproof Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Right you guys have certainly giving me a lot to think (and be cautious) about. I'll keep it all in mind, and I will be sure not to fall into a trap if this is one, but for now I don't see the harm in trying to see what she's about. Thing is she is so stunningly beautiful, and that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to not continue this. How do you know the photos she's sending are of her? I do find it a little odd that every cheap laptop comes with a camera and mic now, but she can only manage to get a phone call. That would make me wonder if those photos are legit. There was another thread around here not that long ago that involved a guy getting involved with a girl long-distance, which culminated in her trying to say she was murdered, then it turns out she wasn't murdered. She was just trying to get out of meeting him. I couldn't find it, but the whole thing was sort of similar to what you are saying, in that you don't know who is on the other side of the keyboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Right you guys have certainly giving me a lot to think (and be cautious) about. I'll keep it all in mind, and I will be sure not to fall into a trap if this is one, but for now I don't see the harm in trying to see what she's about. Anyway so I sent her an email asking if she has skype and if she'd like to talk on there. Well just now (within 10 mins) she has responded saying she does not have a cam or a mic but asked if we could talk on the phone. She also included a photo of her at her computer (weird I have to say). She attacthes photos to every email you see, do you find that odd? Thing is she is so stunningly beautiful, and that's one of the reasons it's hard for me to not continue this. That's exactly how you fall into the trap. Especially since you've been convinced she's so "stunning". I highly doubt the pictures are of her. She has mentioned going to LIVE with you after one email and zero phone calls!!! Any guy who would welcome a complete stranger into their home with no other information than their height weight and picture is vulnerable at best and those are the guys these girls prey on. Tell me this.....if she can't afford to go to the MOVIES, exactly how is she getting all the way to the United States?? I can give you a hint.....(starts with y...ends with u). As for why she'd pick someone with not a lot of money.....a self-respecting guy who has a good thing going, has some money saved and is relatively confident would not need to search Eastern Europe for a girl and then pay for her ticket here. He would know that "too good to be true" is too good to be true. He WOULD "see the harm" in keeping this up, would probably be turned off that the girl wants to meet him knowing nothing about him whatsoever other than that he lives in the US and would wonder why a girl like that can't find anyone on her own continent. So, in other words, *that guy* isn't offering what these girls are looking for so they go for the kind of guy that can't find someone, is unlucky in love, wants to believe that a raving foreign beauty chose "them" to get to know (even though they're not getting to know them at all and not asking them any questions to get to know them). Because that guy WANTS TO believe that this girl is interested, "doesn't have a webcam", is x height and x weight, and that the girl could do better than him so he best be thanking his lucky stars rather than questioning reality.....he is the better choice for a scam. Hands down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I agree with the others, bluesman. She's a scammer. I suggest looking elsewhere, somewhere local. Think of it this way, which is better: waiting a long while on those dating sites for a GOOD local woman, who you can meet, date, and be happy....or contact the girls wayyyyyy out of the country who are giving you fake affection because they want something from you (greencard, etc). You do have insecurity issues, as we've discussed before. I have no doubt that these women can smell it a mile away and they are preying on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wsim Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 This is a trap/scam. Absolutely. Run away from this one, do not let your attraction get in your way. The responses are major red-flags, such as being extremely interested in meeting without knowing much, if anything about you or talking in person, pictures on every email reply, talking about how she does not have much money, even to go to the cinema, even going to say she is willing to move and live in with you? If things seem strange/fishy or too good to be true, it most likely is when it comes to the online dating world. I've read some recent articles about the rise in online dating scams, so you have to be extra wary and vigilant. Especially if they are foreign girls from another country. I have encountered many profiles with women having amazingly stunning and model-esque pictures, however with very generic profile information that tells me nothing about them.... I automatically assume that those profiles are fake or women just playing around. Remember that these women or "profiles" prey on the insecure, weak and desperate. They know that there will be men out there that are vulnerable and will fall for these tricks. Next thing you know, this girl will ask if you could pay for her airfare from Eastern Europe to Ireland, house her, pay for her daily expenses, clothes, entertainment, etc. This is all under the guise of an alibi or excuse (i.e. - poor background, family emergency or something out of the ordinary) You really need to contact women that are local. At the very least, from a Western European country. I do not ever trust foreign women on online dating websites, way too many scammers, risks and unknowns here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluesman89 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 My head hurts... I don't know what to do. Your concerns all make sense to me, but at the same I don't want to pull out and and be left to wonder if I could have possibly misread the situation and lost out on an opportunity.. I'm in a frustrating situation here.. I think I'm going to leave it till to tomorrow before responding.. so I decide if I want to continue contact with her. Thanks foir the advice, more is welcome. Here was here latest reply (in response to me giving her my number, and suggesting we text instead of calling eachother): my phone is but i can't call or send sms as it s too expencive for me if you want you can talk. yes i know that skype is free but how will we talk if i don't have a microphone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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