Am I just the back-up?

[Daisy11]

I have posted a few threads in the past. My fiance` broke up withe me over the summer and I had a tough time with it, he played the "push pull" game and eventually started dating someone else and cut me out of his life complelty, or I did him. Then after dating this girl for a month he "realized" that he had no feelings for her and his heart was with me, then he spent the next three weeks trying to get me back when I finally agreed to try dating again.

 

We dated for about a month and it was great for the most part, a little tough trying to learn how to trust again but it was going pretty well. Long story short I had drank too much one night and got into an argument with his brother, which ended the reconcilation with my Ex. He chose family over me, which I understand.

 

About two weeks after that he called to apologize and said that the argument I had with his brother wasn't a reason for he and I to stop trying to reconcile our relationship. He said that he over-reacted and that he would do anything to try dating again. I was uneasy so I tried to keep my distance for awhile, after about two or three weeks again of him trying to convince me that he wasn't going to lose his temper again and just walk out of my life again, I agreed to go to dinner with him and try this one last time. We had a great night at dinner and had good coversation. He proceeded to call me every night that week and we had plans the next weekend. Well the day of our plans, he called and said that he wasn't sure if he could trust being in a relationship with me again and that he didn't want to see the person I was when we broke up all over again. I have anxiety/depression issues and have been seeking counseling and am feeling much better and am on a path to recovery, to ensure I will not be that person again, I just wish he could see that and trust me.

 

So now it's been a week since he broke our "date" and he keeps sending me texts that say he doesn't know what to do. What the heck?? He is the one that begged and pleaded me to come back into his life. He was constantly contacting me on a daily basis telling me how much he cared for me and loved me and so when I finally decide I can give him the chance and open my heart to him again, he pushes me away. I just don't get it! Do you think he is just using me and keeping me on the back burner until something better comes along? This is so hard on my heart, I fall in love with him all over again just in time for him to abandon me once more.

[BirdOnAWire]

I'm starting to see that this a real reason to not even seek reconciliation, 99% of the time. I wanted nothing more but my ex to come back to me and ask to try again. After everything (for a recap, feel free to check out the Mind = Blown thread I started in the healing section), hell, I still want her back. I realize though that who I want back doesn't exist and I fear that this is mostly the case with everyone. I won't assume anything or pretend to know anyones situation but my own but logically, if they broke your heart once, they are perfectly willing and able to do it again. Don't let them.