meinwoman Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Long story short, I met a man, fell deeply in love with him and found out he has a LOT of personal ads on different dating websites. I have asked him and he says he doesn't. I then told him about a friend of mine who found out her BF had sites still open and he vehemently said, 'This guy is still trolling" - looking for something better. Tell her to end it with him.......he doesn't know I know he has these other sites open My SO has 8 different sites still active. I know he at least checks them out - I don't know for a fact that he responds, but he does still check them. I did see one email where he told a woman (he has never talked about this woman with me) that he will meet up with her when he is in her country in 4 months. Two weeks after I read the email, (he doesn't know I saw the email) - he informs me instead of coming home for the full 'leave' period, he's only going to be here for 1/8th of the time he is on 'leave' - because he wants to go see/visit other people and NO I am not invited...NOR do they know about me....he lied to them all (family, friends) about where he was spending the holidays...... I believe he is committed to me - we did just buy a house together- but so many other things aren't adding up. Do I cut and run? Tell him what I know and let him try to lie his way out of it? or just keep my mouth shut, do my own thing and let him continue to make the mortgage payment and talk/see these other women? What would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sara-pezzini Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 i would confront him....let him explain it,especially if you bought a house together, what if you live together and you find out he indeed cheats, the trouble you get into them with selling the house, splitting the stuff and all the drama, better to know now.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I believe he is committed to me - we did just buy a house together- but so many other things aren't adding up. After reading so many horror stories on here, I would never purchase a home with anyone other than a spouse. Although there are no guarantees, you at least have a leg to stand on if the relationship fails. I definitely would confront him, but expect him to deny, deny, deny. I'm sorry to say, but if he's obviously looking elsewhere, he is not committed to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Very nasty situation, the outlook doesn't look good. But you can't just let things carry over and not do anything. Be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear and have confirmed what you never wanted confirmed to begin with. But better now than never. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Why is he away? School? Military? Work? I agree with Agent, I would not buy a house unless it was with my SPOUSE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misssmithviii Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Bottom line, he's lying to you which means it's safe to say he's lost respect for you. He's choosing to spend time away from you, for whatever reason; he's active on dating sites, he's seeing (or planning to see) one (at least!) other woman, and he's keeping things from you. This isn't a relationship honey. If you want to stick around, then you're going to be accepting his behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 You think he's committed to you but nobody knows about you and he's spending 1/8 of his leave with you? *That* kind of thinking is what doesn't add up. What *he's* doing adds up perfectly and he's told you himself what its called....still looking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meinwoman Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 He is ex military and is now a private contractor to the military. He is over there for 3 months, then he gets a one month leave to come home. He has been gone now for one week. He has promised three different times in this past week that he will call and talk to the kids (my kids-not his) and each time he was supposed to call, he hasn't. There are a myriad of issues and I just don't wanna do this anymore. I think, though, that he isn't due to come back again until April. I am just gonna hang out til some time in March and then let him know this isn't working. THat way he can make other plans for the month of April and go see the other woman the whole time instead of pretending to have any kind of relationship with me. Hurting me is wrong, but hurting my children is unacceptable. And yes, I know he's working for the military but his isn't a gun-toting type of job, his is like a desk job and he knows what his schedule will be, so making promises to call the kids and not doing it is just wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamanne Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 i've been in the situation and what I did was to confront him. and of course, as expected he denied it.. and then I was forced to show him a print out of his own profile and again he denied harder. the funny thing is that, the password he used on those sites is the same password to his yahoo email that he gave me so i logged in and showed it to him. he tried to turn the table against me but he didn't succeed. i stepped back as advised by his own siblings until I became emotionally detached. so when the break up finally came I was no longer affected by it and I didn't even shed a tear. I moved on in a week's time. When he found out Im happy, he crawled back, begging, crying and telling me he made a mistake, he was being stupid and told me the same old lines that a*holes usually say "i was so afraid coz when i first saw you, i knew right then you were the one, i got so scared and i wasn't being myself that time. im so sorry" ... i gave him another chance... and now he blew it again and im moving on and definitely not gonna give him his 3rd chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 What would I do? I would definitely confront him. He sounds like a hypocrite. How is it that you just bought a house together, and his family and friends do not know about you? I would figure that making the decision to get a place together is a huge step, and yet he seems to be keeping you a secret from the world? How can you "assume" that he's committed to you when he still has 8 sites opened? How long were you together? Were all these sites opened before or after you've gotten together? Secondly, emailing a woman telling her that he will meet her when he's in her country is clearly not being committed. Please have a talk with him and see what you should do. Don't sit around pretending you don't know anything and getting played like a fool. You deserve better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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