mdiada Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 For awhile my boyfriend was asking for anal, and it was a consideration but only when the time was right. He knew that. I told him point blank the more he asked for it the less I was willing to do it. So eventually he stopped asking. Well, Monday morning around 5 he woke up raring to go, and while I was nowhere near in the mood to have sex, I went ahead anyway to please him. It was fine, you know, I mean I didn't resist. But in the middle of it he turned me on my stomach. He told me I was going to like it and not to worry. It's extremely unusual for him to say something like that, and I didn't really know what he was talking about so I just kinda laughed and asked what he meant. He just said I'll see in a second. He penetrated me anally. It hurt so bad. Sooo damn bad. And I started crying and told him to stop, but he just kept pushing in and telling me to relax. I tried to push myself up but he pushed me back down and rested his entire weight on me and continued. I told him so many times to stop but he wouldn't listen. Afterward he went about things like nothing happened. He took a shower, got dressed and went to work. He even kissed me goodbye. I missed work though and stayed in bed the whole day crying. I didn't know what else to do. Later that day when he came home, we talked and he laughed at me, saying how in the hell could I accuse him of raping me, because I was enjoying it at first and that I can't just accuse him of rape if I had simply changed my mind during the act. I'm so confused. He's never hurt me before. I didn't want it, not what he did. But I don't want to believe he raped me. I've known him for almost 10 years, half of my life, and he's never done anything like this before. But I feel so violated. I don't know what to think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Yes, you were raped. He did it without permission, with force and continued after you asked him to stop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Yes. That was rape. You told him to stop and he didn't. That is the simplest definition of rape. Even if you had changed your mind in the middle of the act (which it doesn't sound like you did, it's sounds like you were clear from the start of it) at any point that you want things to stop and you ask for it to stop and he doesn't? That is rape. Do you have some place you can stay? This is something he has to understand isn't even close to acceptable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilliesFan001 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 That was rape. I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. Please tell somebody immediately and get yourself away from this man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsThisIt Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Everyone is right -- this was rape. I'm very sorry this happened, especially from a person you loved and who you thought loved you. You should go to the police to file a police report, if for no other reason just so that there is a record that this occurred later. More importantly, you should talk to a counselor at a rape treatment center/organization. Rape is one of the most traumatic experiences a human can go through, so you want to deal with it as best as you can now to minimize the longterm trauma it will have on your life. And if nothing else, leave this man. It doesn't matter how much he apologizes or tries to explain that he thought your requests that he stop were just 'play' or whatever... I don't think you'll be able to dissociated this man from this event. Being with him will keep the experience in your mind, making it impossible to heal. Again, I'm so very sorry, I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to go through that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circe Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Yes, they are right - it is rape. As IsThisIt? says - at the very least, leave him. If you want to make sure he doesn't rape another woman in the future - tell the police. If he laughs at you for calling this rape, perhaps he'll stop laughing when the police define it for him and arrest him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michele32 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Im so sorry this happened to you, this is such a horrible thing no woman should ever be put through......you need to get this man out of your life because things will just get worse from here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
graydarkness Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 That's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't have to say it was rape - everyone else has. Just please talk to someone close to you about it and get out of that situation. It'll get worse far quicker before it gets better. I'm sorry again, and for your lost love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pennyloafer2 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Leave. You will be okay. When you say no and he doesn't stop it's rape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myperfectworld Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I'm so sorry that this happened to you. And all I can say is the same thing that everyone else has. Leave. Report it. This is absolutely a rape. And if he did it once, he likely will not take your feelings into account the next time he decides he wants to. I'm not saying that to scare you. Leave him. This man is not someone you need to be with. I wish you the strength and courage to get through this. Be strong, you can absolutely do this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 He did it once he'll do it again. Yes, it's rape. Don't let him laugh at or belittle you. I suggest leaving him and going to the police so he won't do this to another woman in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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