BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I had lunch with the ex today. I picked her up at work, we went to lunch. Seeing her was incredible. It was like the first time I ever laid eyes on her and I was instantly infatuated again. Bad sign. I didn't show it though and kept very cool, calm and collected. Well, as we're eating, she starts bring up old stuff and she sounds WAY bitter. Se swears shes not but she sounds like it. I tried to change the subject and that didn't last long. She was COLD man. I was stunned. She proceeded to tell me how she was 100% over me, moved on and has been purposely avoiding seeing me because she didn't want to unless I was also completely over her. I'm not. Told her I'm moving on though. She took little digs at me here and there and offered up the fact that she was dating a guy and has been for three weeks. My heart rate must have been close to 180 bpm at this point but I did my best to brush this off. She told me she wants to be friends and wants me in her life but also doesn't want to be unfair to this other guy or me by hanging out with me while I have feelings for her. I was completely shell shocked. Here's the worst part. She tells me that she emotionally checked out of our relationship back in early June! I wanted so bad to throw her salad in her face for using me for 6 months after that. I mean everyone she knows knew, except me. Omg! I still played it cool and the conversation after that, like almost two hours total was a lot deeper than I ever intended. She steered it all though. She made it a point several times to tell me that the guy she's seeing isn't serious and they havent slept together and blah blah blah. I feel so used and worthless. Saddest part is I still love this worthless, no good, sneaky, lying piece of trash. I wonder if the other guy knows that we were sleeping together while he was pursuing her. NC forever. I will not bend or break. She wants to see me Sunday and past that she wants to be able to talk a d have lunch here and there. I'll be damned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Why does she want to keep seeing you - just to make you feel even worse? I agree NC is the way to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 She's evil. I would of thrown a cucumber at her face and said " You might to use that for spa on your face." Dang she did used you! I'll make sure you don't break NC. Goodluck, Soldier! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Its so bitter sweet man. I have closure to move on but this girl deserves an academy friggin award. If she checked out of our relationship that long ago, why were we house shopping in september??!!!! I have never in my life laid hands on a woman but I wanted to slap the steak out of her mouth. I'm more lost now than I ever have been. We broke up the last week of September. She moved out in October and until two weeks before Christmas I thought we were good!!! I stayed at her apartment more than my own. THREE days before crap hit the fan she was begging me to stay even though I had work at 5 am and had no clothes at her spot for the next day. I bought her a damn engagement ring for Christmas!!! She used me so much and when she had this other guy lined up she threw me to the wolves. And she knew what she was doing the entire offing time. How did I fall in love with someone like this? Why won't she leave my head!? I need help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 If I never wanted the person back, I ask that and got up and left and pay half my portion of the bill and leave the restaurant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doiiiieeezie Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 If you really look at it... how was the relationship in june? october? december? surely you noticed a difference then. Yes she is evil and toyed with your emotions... until she found someone else. However, when we truly look at ourselves and the relationship you will start to understand where and why things went wrong. Sell the ring, re-organize your space, lick your wounds and let this be a brutal lesson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
22n32 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 sorry to hear that.. u deserve better then that.. i fear hearing this from my ex one day.. none of us wanna hear this.. hopefully gave u some clouser and a greater push to move on.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyMolly Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I feel so used and worthless. Saddest part is I still love this worthless, no good, sneaky, lying piece of trash. I wonder if the other guy knows that we were sleeping together while he was pursuing her. NC forever. I will not bend or break. She wants to see me Sunday and past that she wants to be able to talk a d have lunch here and there. I'll be damned. Ouch. That DOES hurt. Understandable. But know that while you were used, you are NOT worthless. You approached the relationship from a pure sense of giving. She decided to take. As for still loving her, you really are still loving who you THOUGHT she was, and that's normal. I am still completely in love with the guy I was involved in a year ago - HE was WONDEFUL! I am most definitely NOT in love with the guy he turned out to be 6 months later (and still is today). So the hard part is separating those loving feelings for the person we were intially involved in, with the person they turned out to be. Be in love with that girl. The one you adored in the beginning. She's no longer around, so mourn her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I've typed up a seriously blunt and nasty email. I mean, it's honest but if she's in any way shape or form open to feeling anything at all, this letter could really hurt. Should I send it? I want to make her hurt like she hurt me damn it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I've typed up a seriously blunt and nasty email. I mean, it's honest but if she's in any way shape or form open to feeling anything at all, this letter could really hurt. Should I send it? I want to make her hurt like she hurt me damn it. Uh no. Just print it and burn it and make smores out of it. If you send it, she'll think you're pathetic loser blah blah blah. Come on now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I totally understand that sense of betrayal. I think some of us would never "check out" of a relationship. We work on it instead. Work on ourselves. We don't bail. We choose to love. Not so for the weak takers. It's a matter of principle. And theirs are just not on the same level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Remember what one poster wrote: give your ex the gift of missing you! Go away. That will be your best move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissyMolly Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Should I send it? I want to make her hurt like she hurt me damn it. Proceed with caution here. ONLY ONLY, ONLY if you are prepared to absolutely SHUT THE DOOR on this relationship should you send it. If you are, then by all means, dump all her toxic crap in her lap, but YOU MUST WALK AWAY. You must NOT allow a response, or any form of further discussion. If you DO send it, and then are not in a position to back up your bold move, she will never ever take you feelings seriously. And you have then just given her permission to continue to screw with you. Just think it through. Think it through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Proceed with caution here. ONLY ONLY, ONLY if you are prepared to absolutely SHUT THE DOOR on this relationship should you send it. If you are, then by all means, dump all her toxic crap in her lap, but YOU MUST WALK AWAY. You must NOT allow a response, or any form of further discussion. If you DO send it, and then are not in a position to back up your bold move, she will never ever take you feelings seriously. And you have then just given her permission to continue to screw with you. Just think it through. Think it through. True. Lt me think about this. I'll do openly with you guys since you're all so awesome. She stopped loving me in the first of week of June. She then used me for a place to live, someone to love her and take care of her and then when she was ready she moved out. Then, she used me to cushion the blow of living alone for the first time all the while sleeping with me, begging to see me, acting like we were together, only to drop a bomb on me right before Christmas subsequently ruining my holidays. It also just so happens that her timeline of starting to talk to this guy runs parallel with her shutting me out. Me. The person that taught her to fly, if you will. I taught her to fly and then she flew away and laughed at me. While I, a grown man, cried like a little girl and couldn't sleep for two weeks she was off starting to date another man. Then, while I planed a casual lunch today with no expectations or intentions of talking about the past or her current love life, she twisted the knife more and more. When I asked her why she was even seeing me today, she responded, "I know it's shallow....but I kinda wanted lunch." Lemme tell you something. This woman is lucky that I didn't poke her eye out with a freaking straw and pour bleu cheese dressing into the socket. So, if I send this letter and walk away and then set her belongings on fire in front of her house...she truly may never want me back. Hmmm...what to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 lol middle school kid aren't you? Want her - Don't send her the email. Don't want her - Send her the email. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbsx Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Uh, I don't know how your mind was blown at all. This turn about shouldn't have been that unexpected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rbsx Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I totally understand that sense of betrayal. I think some of us would never "check out" of a relationship. We work on it instead. Work on ourselves. We don't bail. We choose to love. Not so for the weak takers. It's a matter of principle. And theirs are just not on the same level. I've found it hard to make the changes that are necessary while in a relationship. For me it requires a lot of time being by myself, a lot of reflection and solitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 When I asked her why she was even seeing me today, she responded, "I know it's shallow....but I kinda wanted lunch" Hmmm...what to do? Whoa! That was... Evil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 When I asked her why she was even seeing me today, she responded, "I know it's shallow....but I kinda wanted lunch" Hmmm...what to do? Whoa! That was... Evil ;] Call her a Gold digger and excuse myself to go the bathroom and walkout of the restaurant. ;] She can pay for the bill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I know...it's such a shame the feelings that I'm having. It actually just makes me feel worse. I don't harbor any ill will toward anyone in this world and I obviously have a soft spot the size of Texas for this girl but jeez...I feel attacked. I feel engaged in this ugly, dirty, little war and my initial response was to laugh it off and play it cool. Never show your cards. The more I thought about it though I was like wait a minute, this girl just figuratively took an elephant size crap on my entire existence. Do I let her get away with this? The obvious answer is this though. If she's truly, 100% over me then why did she feel the need to continuously tell me that along with emphasizing that her and this guy are ONLY talking...its nothing serious. Why need to validate your actions with someone you're done with? And why make it a point that you would like me as a friend? You know the saying. With friends like that.... On the flip side of that coin, let's say she is truly over me and is 100% moved on. What I have to say won't affect her at all and I'll only look childish and unable to let go. Essentially, I would have forfeited my soul, yet again. I'm torn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Uh, I don't know how your mind was blown at all. This turn about shouldn't have been that unexpected. The turn of her dating? Yeah, I totally expected her to be doing that. I didn't expect her to just offer that information and then deliver it in such a cold, callous way. Also, the thing that blew my mind was her voluntarily telling me, "oh hey, by the way, I knew there wasn't a future after our trip to NY". Dude, that trip was over memorial day last year. She cut me off in December. Mind blowing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 If it helps at all; you do have a great way with words. "took an elephant size crap on my entire existence" That is actually great stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am learning that the hard way too now on the work on self Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauxly Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Whatever you do, DO NOT send the email. The hateful ramblings of a tortured soul will only make her feel better about all of this. Just cut off all contact. Delete her phone number, and have your phone. company block all txts and calls. Delete her email address, block her emails. Block her on Facebook. Completely delete her from your life and don't look back. At all. Any contact you have with her at this point is a win for her. She gets to gloat about how her ex isn't over her, or she gets the attention and drama of dealing with her psycho ex boyfriend. No matter what she wins. An angry email won't hurt her at all. There's nothing that you can say to her that will make her see her evil ways. All that you'll accomplish is making her glad that she's not with you, and make her think she made the right decision. The only way that you win in this situation is to walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BirdOnAWire Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am learning that the hard way too now on the work on self Sucks being hard headed right? I mean, I seen the signs of her distancing herself from me when she began to do it. The way I'm wired though, walking wasn't an option. I was raised to not move from one person to the next, leaving damaged or broken relationships in my wake. At 22 years old, she became my first girlfriend. Why? Because I tried my best to learn from others mistakes. I swore to be selective in the giving of my heart and wouldn't settle down unless I knew it was for real. That parachute failed to open, ay? If she would have just been honest all those months ago then I'd be well over it by now, that's what gets me. I wasted time, energy and my love on her. I missed my aunts funeral because my ex didn't want to be alone for the weekend!!!! That was the end of August. The same time she got in a car accident and I almost lost my job because I stayed home and took care of her. The list goes on and on. Stubborn, I am. Failed here, I did. I knocked on the Devils door and he answered. The hard way is my only way of learning though. LOL @ thinking you can change the world and anything in it. Tis what it is folks. Jersey Shore is on soon (stop! It's a guilty pleasure damn it). Thanks for letting me vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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