What is for the best?

[notgivingup]

It has been three days since my break up and today is the fourth day. I didn’t talk to him the first two days after the break up until yesterday. I had a seizure yesterday and because my ex was signed onto facebook aim; I wanted to tell him what happened. Our conversation was a short one. We both said hi to each other; I asked him how are you; his response was I’m doing good, and you? I told him that I had a seizure and that my head hurts like hell; his response was awwww I’m so sorry gurlie. I told him I miss you do you miss me too and he said yes. What are the chances that he is lying to me? I told him that I am going to do my best to be your friend even though I do not know if it will hurt me once I find out that you have a girlfriend in the future. His response was I understand do what you think is best. I know that he expects us to be friends again in the future. I am seriously confused as to what the best action plan with him is at the moment. I seriously want to be able to turn to him in the future because that is basically how I feel about most of my ex boyfriends. I was able to let some of them go, but was not able to do that with others as well. I know that going NC will help me to let go and move on over him sooner, but do I really have to go to the extreme of cutting him out of my life altogether? Would keeping him in my life do more harm than good? I am pretty sure that I CAN handle the hurt of finding out he has a girlfriend in the future but the million dollar question is: DO I WANT TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH THAT?

 

I still miss him and I constantly think about the happy times that we had together. The pet names that he used to call me when we were together. Those pet names include "cutie", "sugarmuffin", "sweetheart", "sugarprincess" etc., he used to focus all of his attention on spending time with me and forget about anything else that is going on in his life. And now that our relationship is over, I've come to realized that I was blinded by love and things were never the way I pictured it or imagined it to be at all. I can't even tell you for sure if what he felt for me was "love". Is it true that he still loves and misses me? Or was he lying?

[dramallama]

Only you will know deep down whether you could handle being just friends, and whether you would get jealous if another girlfriend came into the picture. If you're anything like me you wouldn't be able to pretend to be friends when you want more than that. There's a big difference between missing someone and wanting to be with them, so it really doesn't matter that he misses you. You can miss someone like crazy, but never every want to be with them again. Whether he really did love you, only he would know that. But at this point, why does it matter? You are broken up now, and the nice parts of your relationship are just memories. Treasure them, but know that they are just the past now. I can tell that you want reassurance, but you come accross as needy, and your ex shouldn't be your emotional support anymore. I would go No Contact. If your ex cares about you, he will understand that for now, you need time for yourself.

[FlashEng1]

I agree with llama. Go complete NC. Including viewing FB profile updates, as that tempts and hurts things as much as sending a text and wondering why they haven't replied.

 

Does he miss you? Yes. You can go as far as saying he is still in love with you if you want! But that's not THE question to ask. The question to really ask yourself is: Does it matter? Answer: No.

 

There's a reason the two of you broke up. He is now your EX-boyfriend. Your past. Memories. If anything, I would personally aim NC for the sole purpose of selfishly making yourself stronger and independent of thinking of him as well as hurting of him. Realizing who you are and enjoying life without him. He WILL message/contact you again (honestly I have yet to read a ENA post where the dumper didn't contact/ask about the dumpee at one point). When that time comes, will you be ready? LC really hurts things early on IMHO. And if there could be a certain order, why not try full NC for a week, and if he happens to contact you sometime after that week, then perhaps LC moving forward, depending on how you feel that. But "FULL NC" meaning, no FB, no email, txt, calls, posting on friends' walls where he could see or reply, making wall posts about him, etc. If you can honestly go a week without doing anything that could be remotely viewed as contacting him, you will have made a HUGE leap in bettering yourself. Guaranteed

[notgivingup]

Hi Dramallama,

 

You are probably right. There is a big difference between missing somebody and wanting to be with them again. As for my ability to be his friend again, I can probably handle that. I've come to realize some of the reasons why my ex-boyfriend and I are not compatiable with each other and with that said, I can probably be friends with him, after a sufficient amount of time has passed. You are right, it really doesn't matter whether he still loves or not, the truth is he can still love me and decide that we will never be together again. I am trying my best to treasure the memories that we once had, but that makes me sad and has the ability to make me want to cry. I feel so lonely at times like that. You are right, I do come accross as needy, but I am trying to have LC if not NC with my ex-boyfriend. It is something that I have to work on. I believe that my ex-boyfriend still loves and cares about me, and that he will give me the necessary time and space to move on.

 

Notgivingup

[notgivingup]

Hi FlashEng1,

 

I don't know whether I want to go NC with my ex-boyfriend yet. My ex-boyfriend does not sign onto his facebook profile often and I want to keep him in my life. You are right, whether he misses me or not, doesn't matter anymore, so what if he does, it's not like he is going to get back together with me one day. I just want to do LC with him now and give him an opportunity to contact me again in the future. I want to and I am going to do LC with him for at least a few months. I want to give him that opportunity to prove to me that he cares enough about me to remain friends with me (meaning I will not contact him in that mean time). LC stands for "limited contact" but what does IMHO stand for? Last but not least, thank you for the encouragement, that is exactly what I am going to do, go full NC with him from now until he contacts me again. I just have this things against cutting someone out of my life altogether; that seems a bit harsh, I mean I have been able to do that before, but I don't want to do that with my ex-boyfriend.

 

Notgivingup