Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I just don't know what to do guys, even when I'm not thinking about him or doing something else there is still this intense feeling of loss that becomes anxiety and panic! I can't cope with this, it's affecting my ability to function properly, I am not wanting to eat anymore, I feel as bad as I did the first week, I can't do this, I don't know what to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JS1106 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 How long has it been? I felt like that for about 3 months after the break up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Just over a month, the last time I saw him was Dec 6th, these feelings have been getting worse and worse over the course of this week, if they get any worse I don't even know how I will manage, they are so bad that it makes you feel that death is preferrable you know? I started the ball rolling on counselling which islikely to take a good few weeks, I'm feeling so desperate right now that I'm considering just calling one tomorrow for an appointment asap rather than wait for the other option...I've never taken a breakup this badly before, I'm at a loss as to why... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterPo Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm sorry you are feeling that way, most of us have been there and yes, it still happens. You are stronger than you know, just take care of you for right now. I suggest something physical to get the endorphins going, a long hour walk or up and down the stairs for awhile. Drink ALOT of water and eat well even if you don't want to. You need to flush whatever "love poison" out of your system. It worked for me. I'm at 16 months and I still experience at times what you are going through. Don't be alarmed we all have our timeline as to when things are truly over. I'm stating that because I do the above and it passes. Come back later and read some stories, this place is amazing and gives strength in the darkest hours. If all else fails, give me a holler and I have no problem listening. Be strong it will pass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geekgirl4 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Hang in there! We've been in your place and understand how dark it is. Trust us, you will come out of this stronger and better. Stick to activities that take up your mind - work out, have a movie marathon with friends, or better yet, do something incredible for yourself. Buy yourself a beautiful bouquet of flowers, cook yourself an amazing meal, treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure, etc etc. In the end, you have to love yourself the most if you want life to be good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thankyou Po, I wonder if this a result of..well for want of a better word NC, we have been very LC since I came back to my own country last month but he seems to have dropped off the face of the planet this week, I don't know if this is common in this situation but my guess is that it is. We actually broke up in beginning of Nov I think, but we still lived togther and he supported me for the 3 weeks before I left, it actually felt like we were still together which is why I tend to count the breakup as starting from the last time I saw him, even though I went through the first week hell actually during the first week... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d24 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 you're in the right place, i'd never have managed to get out of bed today if it weren't for the kind words and support ENA has been offering me, and it's not even been 2 days yet. I know I'm in for a few months of absolute pain, and I hope that you find a way to cope. If there's anything you can do whihc you think will make yourself feel better, like getting an early appointment someplace else, then do it. That's some advice lifted straight from my friend 30mins ago and I am going to try so so hard to implement it over the coming weeks. All the best, I really hope you feel better, I honestly feel your pain Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thankyou Geekgirl, d24 thankyou so much, I've been reading your posts and your situation is just horrible, I really hope you start to feel some improvement sooner rather than later, I wish that for myself too and for all of us that are living this hell right now *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny2112 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm sorry you are feeling like this Aether! Believe me, I have been there, too! The first 3 months after the break up were the worst... What helped me though was reading in forums, crying (yes, it made me feel better) and talking, talking, talking with my friends and family!! Like you, I felt like doing nothing, I couldn't get out of bed, the daily work, everything was just too much for me, I felt so weak, had no energy for nothing... but this will pass! Whenever someone told me, time is a great healer, I didn't believe them, but it's true. As you know, I'm far from being over my ex, but I'm much much better today compared to 4 months ago and I know, I'll be even better when 4 more months will pass... just be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself! Losing someone you love is one of the hardest lessons in life and it's totally normal to be sad and to grieve about that loss!! Take all the time you need for your healing!! I bought myself flowers, bought my favourite cookies, had a hot bath, just did things for myself...even if you don't feel like it now, you will get there... I know it!!! Stay strong...the bad days will get less and less and you'll be happy again... HUGS!!xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thankyou Destiny I really do appreciate the support I get here, I'm not sure that I hurt anymore when I see anyone type ENA (ENA = one in Greek) like I used to, it's the brand name of a Cypriot juice company that we always had in the fridge...I used to hate seeing it so much so that I stopped coming here for a little while, silly right? It doesn't bother me as much as it did, that is a tiny baby step forward right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GotMyLifeBack Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I'm another one who has experienced what you're going through. It's a living nightmare. I know how badly it hurts. You'll gradually have fewer bad days and more good days. There are no shortcuts - but use your time well as you push forward through the pain. Here are some suggestions, some of which have already been mentioned: 1. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up - anger, sadness, etc. If you feel like crying, do it. 2. Follow through on your plans to see a therapist. 3. See a psychiatrist - meds may help take the edge off of the anxiety and depression. 4. Exercise. Really. Do it. 5. Eat healthy food, even if you don't feel like it. 6. Read. Two popular books are "Uncoupling" and "The Passion Trap." 7. Write. Journal about your feelings, thoughts, and dreams. 8. Go to Al Turtle's website and poke around. He has a wealth of wisdom. 9. Connect and spend time with your family and friends. 10. Try a new hobby. I started dance lessons and they have freed my mind in unimaginable ways. 11. Buy new clothes, try a new look. 12. Post here. Help others on here with your own insights. 13. Volunteer, for an animal rescue organization, for example. 14. Plan a short or long trip with one or more friends. 15. Don't drink too much. Alcohol is a depressant. 16. Never ever forget how wonderful and priceless you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thankyou for your suggestions, I think the crying will come back at some point, I will call a therapist tomorrow and try and see her asap, I will ask her about meds and what she thinks maybe, I've been thinking about seeing my GP about that anyway...I will see how the rest go in time, I don't really drink anyway and I know about the dangers of it coupled with depression...the posting here is already underway, I like number 16 I know in time it will come, I actually know that I'm a good person, I have many qualities that I love about myself. One thing that I really need to make myself do is write, I'm a poet and I have always written my best when I am in the darkest places, I know how cathartic it is, it's saved my life once before...I have to force myself to sit down and do it I know once I start I won't be able to stop... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny2112 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thankyou Destiny I really do appreciate the support I get here, I'm not sure that I hurt anymore when I see anyone type ENA (ENA = one in Greek) like I used to, it's the brand name of a Cypriot juice company that we always had in the fridge...I used to hate seeing it so much so that I stopped coming here for a little while, silly right? It doesn't bother me as much as it did, that is a tiny baby step forward right? ...oh, I know so well, what you mean and I know, how hard it is and that is not silly at all For example, whenever I'm in town and hear Greeks talking to eachother (since many Greeks live here), I get very very sad... or when I see happy couples, kissing or holding hands...immediately I have to think of him and all the memories pop up again and I start missing him like crazy again and feel loneyl again I wonder myself if the thoughts of my ex will ever stop, when I hear certain songs in the radio, songs that we used to hear together, watch a certain movie, that we watched together... You can be proud of yourself for every step you take in the right direction, no matter if it's baby steps... each baby step is a progress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Luckily we don't have a big Greek community here, we do have a local Cypriot family (ex is actually Cypriot), they've been here for a long long time, my family actually knows them, but I don't have to go through hearing the language. The radio yeah I have it on at work and today there was a string of songs that reminded me of him, only because they'd been on the radio when we've been in his car, I don't even like them...but they bring it all back, one after the other! So far this has been the week from hell I can't wait for it to get better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 So I've decided the radio is staying off at work today, just silence and my book. I'm thinking about going to see my GP on monday to see about getting medication. I'm feeling pretty much the same as yesterday, hopefully with the radio off I won't end up the way I was last night when I got home... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny2112 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 How are you feeling today? A little better? In my daily routine, there are still so many things that make me think of my ex immediately, when I do certain things, pass certain places... all the wonderful (but now very painful) memories pop up again... all the history we shared together... I hope that will fade one day, too It hurts, that I still think about him every single day and I guess, he is so busy with his new life and his fiancee that he doesn't even waste a single thought on me anymore... that hurts the most, I'm still struggeling and he doesn't care anymore, since he has moved on... hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiz4tggr Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 My BF of 20 months and I just broke up yesterday. I was soooo tempted to call into work. I feel sick to my stomach. One of my close friends said the end of a relationship is like someone you love dieing. There are five stages of grief. 1. Denial and Isolation. 2. Anger. 3. Bargaining. 4. Depression. 5. Acceptance. Allow yourself to cry and let it out. These are normal feelings you're having and it will, as others have said, get easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 How are you feeling today? A little better? In my daily routine, there are still so many things that make me think of my ex immediately, when I do certain things, pass certain places... all the wonderful (but now very painful) memories pop up again... all the history we shared together... I hope that will fade one day, too It hurts, that I still think about him every single day and I guess, he is so busy with his new life and his fiancee that he doesn't even waste a single thought on me anymore... that hurts the most, I'm still struggeling and he doesn't care anymore, since he has moved on... hugs xxx I'm feeling much like yesterday sadly hun the anxiety and panic is still there and just like you yeah, everything seems to remind me of him which is bizarre since the UK is nothing like Cyprus...it doesn't seem to matter how small they are or what I'm doing, the scary thing is that I don't ever think I've felt pain like it, I have never found it so hard before with a breakup, even my 5 year relationship in which I was enagaged for 3 years, I never felt like this even when that ended...I just can't fathom this, it's beyond me, I just want to wake up and feel okay you know? I need my serenity and peace back so so badly, like we all do *hugs* Mine has fallen off the face of the earth since monday, that could be why I am feeling so bad, its something that I'm still trying to figure out... Thanks for th replying tiz, I've read about the stages of grief but I just can't work out which stage I'm at I'm sorry you're going through this too, this place helps, the people here are great..I feel so bad for you being on your first week *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 So I just got a call from my assessment counsellor, Tuesday morning at 10 I'm going to see her, she better get ready because I'm like a book that no one has read..it's just as well it will take 1hr 30mins, she'll need it with all the crap that I need to get out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 That's great. Now is the time to focus on you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny2112 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I'm so sorry you are feeling like this Heartbreaks are horrible and you feel so helpless...time is the only healer and we have to be patient - not my best quality though... I just started reading a book and as far as I can say, it's a good one (I'm at page 30 now ) It describes our emotions after a break up pretty well and it's some kind of guide, showing up certain techniques, trying to help us getting rid of the painful thoughts and memories of our ex's and trying to help us healing and mvoing on. Maybe it will help you feel better, too? It's called "I can mend your broken heart" by Paul McKenna. Do you know it? I hope, it'll help me stop blaming myself and thinking about my ex all the time... My ex has fallen off the face of earth as well, I haven't heard a single word from him since October, I know, how hard it is, when you love someone with all your heart and they just decide it's over and disappear completely. It's hard, since you shared a history together and now, you have no clue anymore, what they do, how they are, nothing... since my ex moved to another country and has a new job there, I can't picture his daily life anymore, it still feels weird, when I think about it For 3,5 years, I always knew, what he was doing, how he was living, how he was spending his time and now, I don't know anything at all But we have to stay strong, I know, it can only get better for us!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Yup, it's the worst part, I'm guessing that is why I'm feeling this way this week? Neither of us initiated NC, he just...disappeared, whether thats for my benefit or his I'll never know, he knows how I still feel about him, I think he is just trying to get on with things, but I'll never know how he is feeling...I've been trying to force myself to see that and accept it but it's so hard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I just went out and brought that book sweety, lets see if we can't beat this crap together eh? *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destiny2112 Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 I just went out and brought that book sweety, lets see if we can't beat this crap together eh? *hugs* GOOD I hope you like it and I hope reading it will help us both ...I'm forcing myself to accepting the situation as well, sometimes I'm more or less OK with it other times I'm struggeling again... it's very hard, but we don't really have another choice, do we? As much as we want them to love us, we can't change the situation...unfortunately xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aether Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 I've tried a couple of those exercises, the one where you take the colour from a memory and shrink it until it's a little black dot is good, but like this morning I found that, when I woke up there were no thoughts or memories, just a horrible feeling...not quite sure how to overcome the feeling when there is no memory to adjust...odd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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