Seymore Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 So there was a girl at work I went out with a couple of times last year, M. After two dates, said she liked me, but wasn't ready to date, as she has no time to right now with a kid and all. I was kinda down about it because I was really starting to like her, but it was what it was, so I just kept it friendly at work. The other night I was talking to another co-worker, who said she talked to M all the time, and that she's been dating a lot and having fun. I said "That's funny, she told me she wasn't ready to date. I wish she would have been up front with me." She told me "She didn't lie to you - she really doesn't have time, so she's not looking for anything serious, just making out and/or sex." I know I can be naive, but I just felt so stupid. First off, I was always under the impression that nothing serious meant hanging out with someone you're interested in, but just as friends, and just that - hanging out. Second, and if this is what "nothing serious" has meant all this time - this concept is so foreign to me. How can people pull this off? I haven't even kissed a girl in 2 years, but I can't see just hanging out with a girl to make out and screw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TidalWave Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Everybody's interpretation of 'nothing serious' is different. Whether it means sex or only hanging out as friends to you, you are right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piruru Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Not everyone is as sensitive as we are. I've met a lot of guys who don't need a relationship and just sex is enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Ok...well help me understand this mindframe, because I can’t comprehend it. I’m not judging those that CAN do it, but I know I’ve been in situations where I’d bring a girl home and she wanted sex right away, barely knowing anything about me. And I’d just back off and leave because...I can’t explain it, it just felt like something was out of place. But to those who can do it, what is it to you? Is it like blowing your nose and tossing out the tissue? Do you go into it saying “They’re fun to fool around with, but I’d NEVER actually date that person”? I mean, I almost WISH I could pull it off, then these girls and I would have at least had SOMETHING, instead of me having zero for the last 2 years. I almost hate that I have these rules when I hear it’s so easy for others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I've never had a one night stand or FWB benefits situation but I think I could. There were guy friends that I thought 'we'd never work together as a couple but we do respect each other and have fun together, so why not have sex with no strings attached.' Complete stranger? Would have to be one heck of a connection. I know of people who wouldn't continue dating if they hadn't had sex with a partner within the first few dates. Not because they want them for sex but because they take it as no interest. How long do you wish to wait for sex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Nothing serious. LOL My ex used to that on me but I thought he meant like taking it slow. I can't wait to use this back at me if I had the chance to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 That’s EXACTLY what I had thought it meant - taking it slow. Not “Let’s just screw and go get a slurpee afterwards”. I always associated sex with a big step in a relationship, i.e. “serious”, so saying you want “nothing serious” and then having sex is just kinda like a big “Huh?” in my book. How long do I want to wait? Until it feels comfortable. The first girl I ever slept with, I did so out of pressure. There were things about her I was very unsure about, but I did it anyway, and wound up mistaking feelings for just wanting sex. Here I was thinking I was in love with her, when I was just you-know-what whipped and stuck in a relationship with a miserable person. I don’t want that to ever happen again. I also don’t like the idea of sleeping with someone who’s sleeping with someone else at the same time. Doesn’t feel too special to me. There's a girl I know right now who if I walked up to her right now and requested it, no strings, I know I'd get it. And it would have to be no strings because her personality annoys me to no end. Problem is I'm worried not only that I will develop feelings under false pretense, but she's shown signs of instability and there's a good chance SHE would get extra clingy. And this girl, M, I almost wonder what I would have done if I had known that's what she wanted. We got along fine and had fun together...I might've jumped at it. But I had no idea what the heck she wanted. These terms are so ambiguous. "Nothing serious", "dating", etc. Like when the girl I was talking to about M said to me "She's dating a lot and having fun", and the next sentence she said was "She's not ready to date, she doesn't have enough time". That right there - two completely different things meant by the same word. If M would have just said "Want to go back to my place?", I would have been a hell of a lot more clear on it. Sorry, another edit: And it's not like I would go a few dates and be cold as ice. I would be down for some physical stuff to let the person know there's interest, but sex is a step down the line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Oh Seymore you remind me of Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song. That's why I don't give into sex when people are into me because I don't know their real intentions. ;] Players these days. Anyway LOL, getting to the point, for me I rather give into sex to someone special who was patient with me. =] Yea I know people are going to think I'm such an alien if I stay a virgin until marriage. But you know what? It's my choice. I have a human right choice. LOL So does the other person. If he wants sex then he can go get it somewhere else because I already know who I am. I'm damn faithful that's for sure and will stay by your side if you go broke, ugly, etc etc etc. Going on a tangent, take it at your pace. My advice is to learn about the girl you're interested. You don't have to get physical right away. God who knows how many men they have done the same tactics with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Thanks Seeker, although being compared to a Beyonce song makes me feel weird...lol. I just think sometimes: Here I am, going on 32. Friends have been hopping into bed with people, doing the FWB or ONS thing, and it hasn't affected them one bit. Here I am with all these rules and I'm alone, going on dates with girls who want something "not serious" or want a guy with more experience. And these girls will move on to someone like my friends and have a blast. With my rules, I will never get experience. I mean, there were three girls last year alone who just wanted to fool around. What do I have to show for it, other than integrity and that I can't just loosen up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starrgrl Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 It's great you're like that. Not alot of guys are like you nowadays. I always thought nothing serious meant, nothing serious 'emotionally' like no 'relationship' but the physical stuff is still on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 Okay, but after our second date, she said she realized she's not ready to date, there's not enough time, etc., but she liked me, I made her happy and was different from the previous guys she got to know, I was cute and all that. Then she says not to wait up for her because she doesn't know when she'll be ready. So what's that mean? She didn't ask ME to screw around, but I made her happy and she liked me and all that. Not to mention a couple weeks later she invited me to her place for a movie, and when I invited her to sit next to me on the couch, she declined. So was that just her throwing me a line, the whole "I like you" business? Or does that mean I stood out to her and she respected me enough to where she wouldn't want just a "fling" with me? I just wish I knew what she thought of me. I mean, not that it matters now since she's getting hers anyway, but since I found this out, I'm wondering if she ever thought of me as more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I think that nothing serious is going to have a range from just hanging out with a person as friends, to having a no strings attached relationship. I wouldnt feel naive, you just operated under you own definition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Yup. I think "nothing serious" can mean something different to different people, even something different accross different "couplings." For example, when I was in a FWB situation with my ex, we talked all the time, but very rarely saw each other, and when we spent time together it was strictly sex: no cuddling, no lovey dovey talk. I'm now in a similar situation with another guy and we don't talk often, see each other once a week, and when we're together it's very couple-y. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Next time if anyone tells me "Nothing serious." I'm going to bring out the dictionary and look up the definition of nothing and serious. I will say, "Is that what you mean that you're serious about nothing? Later." I keep walking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Next time if anyone tells me "Nothing serious." I'm going to bring out the dictionary and look up the definition of nothing and serious. I will say, "Is that what you mean that you're serious about nothing? Later." I keep walking. Lol that was actually a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Lol that was actually a good one. I'm glad you enjoy my sense of humor. ;] It's one of my special talents. LOL No wonder someone fell for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Oh, boy...easy there, Captain Ego... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClarenceRutherford Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I know you're regretting not being more forward (I too have similar regrets), but do you really think you'd be better off having sex (notice I didn't say "making love"- two diff. things) with a woman like that, a woman you hardly know? I know you're frustrated, but as you observed, something just doesn't feel right. I'll admit I did have two "encounters" in my late 20s (gave me 2X total in my 20s- 30s were diff. but monogomous)- but it's nothing I think I could do again. I didn't feel great about either time. Both were with girls I hardly knew. One I had the oppty to develop a relationship with but didn't. Felt guilty for pressing her. My loss. I didn't get many offers, but I later turned down a couple bec. casual sex is so unappealing. This is solid advice, Seeker. Seymore, you'll do well and will eventually meet a woman that's closer to you in attitude and life. They're out there. Trust me. Seeker is one, so is Jooj and NewWave and others. I met mine just after I turned 30... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Oh, boy...easy there, Captain Ego... ;] Can't help it, Seymore. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Seeker Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 This is solid advice, Seeker. Seymore, you'll do well and will eventually meet a woman that's closer to you in attitude and life. They're out there. Trust me. Seeker is one, so is Jooj and NewWave and others. I met mine just after I turned 30... Woohoo! I make a good wifey then! ;] My ex's lost and my man's gain! Thank you FloridaMan. Great way to boost my ego! I think I'm going to go hang out at coffee shops and develop friendships more. Gotta get out of the house more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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