iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 (note: i am using a friends account to write this as my account wont let me post anything from my new computer, it says proxy access denied even though i am not using a proxy and wont allow me to post..sorry) I could write a book on this, but ill try to be breif. I am 23, he is 26. Boyfriend of 2 years says he doesnt love me and is not sure if he ever did, this has been going on for the last 4-6 months. The reasons are ridiculous, petty and unfair. I dont really want to get into the specifics. But he is a cold, cruel, very ignorant,egotistical blind person. Very foolish and niave. And angry. I am treated like a worthless braindead piece of Theres nothing i can do, ive already lost my soul by trying to get him to wake up to himself. He just wont allow himself to even begin to care to think that HE could be wrong. And the fact he couldnt care less about me, he puts down my very existence. He may not even be aware, in which case it is much more of a lost cause than i though. He sees NO fault in himself, instead its some sort of competition and attack on me when i try to talk to him about it. He is compassionless. Never has been there for support, warmth or understanding in my times of need. Instead his typical reaction is angry, angry that HE doesnt understand, therefore what i am going through is just a joke and im not to be respected. His mentality undermines the whole point of a relationship. But pointing out what he is like doesnt make him think, doesnt make him listen or care, doesnt make him realise, doesnt do anything. I could be einstein and it wouldnt make a difference. He is too self absorbed, thinks he is ever so wise, and thinks he is so above me. I have never met someone who is more wrong in my life. How can i let go of this?I cant leave while he still thinks he is right and i am wrong. It is leaving me so powerless and in despair to the point of throwing up. He isnt attracted to me anymore, acts like im doing something wrong when i try to get intimate, puts me down all the time, says i have as much credibility as his dog, says im an airhead, says im an embarrassment. etc etc. He doesnt even talk to me. He says he is only still with me because he is weak. Ive tried to leave but cant, when it suits him he'll act like there is nothing wrong and takes back what he has said and because i love him i fall for it. But he ends up saying all the same stuff again not long after. I feel belittled and embarrassed im allowing this to happen. He laughs at me when i talk about this, and says i am like a teenager. I really dont understand. Is he even aware of how lost and wrong he has become? Has he even got the capacity to see? Or does he know but really doesnt give a damn, and is playing me? It seems like he expects me to say nothing and be happy with the way he treats me, and wait around until he decides what is what. So what should i do? I am really hurt and not strong enough, to be honest. It is really surreal, why do i think i would be acting silly if i left him? Have i lost myself? He is abusing the power he has over me? if so is he even aware? does he even think about what i say? He cant really think he is right to be like this, does he? is any of this even important?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Why do you love him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Read your post again and again. Then leave him. You get nothing from this. Lifes too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Why are you with him and why is he still with you? What is the fear in leaving someone who treats you on the same level as his dog? Are you afraid of coping in life by yourself? Or are you going to use the emotional abuse as manipulative and the reason why you stay? This BS happens all too often. Women shacking up with some dude who is not scared to flirt with them and be the cool interesting guy at the start then retire the charade when it all gets old. End this situation or carry on being treated less than human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I know what you are all saying, i agree its not logical. Its just surreal and i feel like i dont know anything anymore. Im doubting myself, as in maybe i should just stay a bit longer and i think things will change. He tells me its nothing that cant be worked on. But i dont know why there is anything to work on to begin with. Ive been nothing but a wholesome loving person. I havent done anything wrong. I feel so trapped and enraged.. How do i make him realise? Then i will leave him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireNoir10 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 You know what you have to do, and you know you need to walk away. But you'll only do it when your ready. also. Your not trapped. Truthfully, things wont change unless you get out of there and start respecting yourself and your self worth again by not taking this treatment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 How am i meant to put him in his place? To shock him back into reality by making him wake up? I need this power back, i cant just walk away with him thinking like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 He just makes me feel like i am wrong, im too afraid that i might be making a mistake and i should wait longer, if i better myself and be more like how he wants. Like i am missing something. I really cant do this. It is so surreal i cannot fathom me leaving him at all. I just cant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 By walking away you will get your power back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 I dont want to leave if he isnt aware of what he is doing... You can understand right? He is sending me messages right now saying he wishes he could hug me. How is it possible to say such cruel strong things, then take it back, then say your not sure if you meant it, then act like everythings ok, then say it can be worked on but do NOTHING to work on it. what does this mean and what is he doing? is this on purrpose, ?? i have to know. I just cant walk away powerless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 It's possible because you allow him to be like this: only giving you the bare minimum to stay with him, without requesting proper respect from him. As long as you don't show him there is a limit to what you are willing to swallow he will continue his game Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Ive really lost myself, i am so afraid of everything, so negative, and i sound like a lost fool. what has happened to me? how do things so cruel sneak up on you, for no reason, then its too late. Why am i always the victim, why am i so weak. Why dont i know what to do. I just feel in my intuition it would be wrong for me to leave. I believe he is genuine when he says he thinks we can work it out. But what should i think about all the bad things he says? is it just anger or him being emotionally unintelligent. Say i leave, what if he shows he doesnt care and leaves me even more ripped off and powerless. I know what i technically need to do, but theres something else telling me otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Is he playing a game though? i dont think he even is.. am i that blind? i really believe everything he says. But he says and does things from both extremes. I am really confused. I could tell him everything you guys are telling me, and he would laugh and dismiss it. I just dont understand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Its like i feel he is right and i am wrong. therefore i would be wrong to leave. Is he right? is there any excuse or extenuating circumstance to be like this to someone? Is there some reason i do deserve this and i just cant see? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Blind? Yes. Love does that. Pisses me off. Making things they do to us seem like they aren't all that bad. Poorly rationalizing their actions. Turning a blind eye to what insulting thing they said. Love does that. You are the one who needs to initiate the change. He will indeed laugh and dismiss everything because he knows he is doing it and you are going to believe him when he does dismiss it because you love him. After a while love can go beyond all rational reasons and usually does. Leaving us in situations like your own. You can try take the power back by getting the guts to leave him but if his behavior does indeed change, it may only be temporary and will gradually become who he is now. You can only try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 says i have as much credibility as his dog Doesn't sound like he has much use for his dog either. Poor dog. At least YOU have the choice to leave him...his dog is stuck. Of course your bf understands that what he is doing is wrong and cruel....he just doesn't care because he has no empathy, compassion and conscience...it doesn't faze him. So you don't have to teach him anything...he already knows and just doesn't care. Why not save yourself the misery and leave him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 In The Dark: I just want to pour my heart out to you and expect you to give me all the answers. I just need to know if he KNOWS he is doing this on purpose. If he ever thinks about this, does he realise what he is doing? He cant really be actively doing this to me can he? I dont believe it, he cant be lying to me. I trust him and believe him. But at the same time i have so much doubt. He wouldnt lie to me... god im sorry for being so useless and posting on here.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Doesn't sound like he has much use for his dog either. Poor dog. At least YOU have the choice to leave him...his dog is stuck. Of course your bf understands that what he is doing is wrong and cruel....he just doesn't care because he has no empathy, compassion and conscience...it doesn't faze him. So you don't have to teach him anything...he already knows and just doesn't care. Why not save yourself the misery and leave him. This is what is killing me. How can i be sure? Because the way he reacts really makes me think he just cant see. I have a really hard time accepting that he could be lying to me. I cant fathom it. I had a really really hard time trusting him in the beginning and he made such a genuine heartfelt claim that he wouldnt lie to me. I am so confused. I wish you guys were here with me now so we could talk in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 It all comes down to: What if i am wrong? Does it seem like i am wrong? Is it possible? I am so worse off than i thought. I never knew what a fool i was until this, i am so blown out. He acts like he still does love me..and i supposed to be the better person and realise this and make things work? i really feel i can... BUT WHAT OF ALL THE THINGS HE HAS SAID AND DONE TO ME SO CRUELLY? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 He has brainwashed you so much, that you totally buy into that he is always right and you are always wrong. Of course he is never going to admit that. So what if you leave him and he he truly shows you that he doesn't care? He already doesn't care now. He doesn't care about your emotional or mental well being. He doesn't care about your self esteem, your self respect. He doesn't care for your individuality. All he cares about is having someone around that he can terrorize. Because that is what he is doing. It's a truly cruel game. One minute being all nice to make you still believe in him, only to be mean to you for hours on end. I understand that your gut reaction is to want to stay in a situation that you are familiar with, however life outside is not as scary as you think. It might not be easy at the beginning, but there is help if you want Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 It doesn't matter if he is cruel itentionally or not, the simply fact that he is cruel to you is all that you need to know. You need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of anyone else. I think you have neglected yourself for far too long! I am glad you are here and posting about this. I hope it will help you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRCfem Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Leave!! You have the power, an he will always treat you like his yo-yo, for as long as you allow him to. You're just wasting your precious time with him, but you'll only realise this once you're out and enjoying life, and once you'll meet someone else, 10000 ways better than him. Anything is better than being someone's yo-yo, guess what, even yo-yos have power whey don't behave like the passive yo-yo anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 You're not useless. You're posting here trying to find the answer and conclusion to what you need to do to stop what is emotionally abusive. What most likely happened during the relationship is he started losing respect for you. Why? Because you show him that he is the only one for you. He maybe one of those characters which will keep up the good behavior as long as he knows that you are being chased by someone else and you are showing signs that you may leave. Is he treating you like this on purpose....maybe. Maybe he does not know how severe his actions are towards you and how much more they hurt since you love him. Maybe he is doing this to keep your confidence down so you stay "In your place" and become to emotionally crippled to think of leaving him. Maybe half and half. I will repeat what the other posters have been saying because it is the most effective action to take. Leave him, no threats, do it. Just go for it when he starts belittling you again. Then you can show you have a reason. Sure there may have been some great memories shared between you and him but you are the one with the memories of him treating you like an idiot which spoils all the great memories you two have shared. He does not shared the memories of verbal/emotional abuse you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 penelope: what u say really speaks to me. Yet i just cant make the wrong choice. He really does say things that make me feel so special, things no one else notices, things i didnt even notice. Even recently he makes me seem like i am really amazing and special. But what of the horrible things? How can he say such nice things, but then say he might not love me over petty things. Im not sure is he is doing it on purpose, i think he just is a really stupid person. Let me ask you this, he saw me cry earlier today. he is aware of how things are and how i feel, i left his house at 8pm. its now 2am. He sent me two messages saying, have sweet dreams and he wishes he could hug me. But knowing how i feel, how can he just go to sleep now and leave it. I have had my MSN on all night and he hasnt contacted me at all, and i just saw he is offline. If he cared honestly, would all he send is those two messages saying that then leave it and go to bed..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamtrying Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Wouldnt it be selfish of me to leave without knowing for sure? I cant bare to hurt him if i am wrong. I just keep saying the same things over and over. i really am in for alot of pain because i am clearly stupid. I really appreciate your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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