ycmanvs Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I have been in therapy for many years. I have tried countless meds. At this point all that work is done and it is up to me to make better choices. However, what may work for you guys, does not necessarily work for someone like me. Hence the frustration and the problems. I am sure I will be fine. I always am sooner or later. I just do not think a nice healthy relationship is in my future. That is all. Not everyone is supposed to get married, have babies and live happily ever after. Some of us are just meant to be alone I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I have been in therapy for many years. I have tried countless meds. At this point all that work is done and it is up to me to make better choices. However, what may work for you guys, does not necessarily work for someone like me. Hence the frustration and the problems. I am sure I will be fine. I always am sooner or later. I just do not think a nice healthy relationship is in my future. That is all. Not everyone is supposed to get married, have babies and live happily ever after. Some of us are just meant to be alone I guess. It is a well known psychological fact that the brain can't tell the difference between imagination and reality. This means that, if you keep imagining a scenario, even though it is contrary to reality, your brain and body will adapt to make it real. This is why I personally, find your situation so frustrating, as the poster said before. Because with all of the negative talk and excuses, you are ruining any chance of a nice and healthy relationship in your future. No one is trying to be judgmental and mean, but there are only so many ways gentle ways to say: you need to get over yourself and do what's right for your life. I realize that things to you may seem different, but this is why we come for advice to the objective third parties - because we see things differently than you do and since we are not caught up in your emotional drama, we can give objective advice. Personally, if everyone was telling me the same thing over and over again, even if I didn't agree with the advice emotionally, I would assume that maybe it's me that is missing something, not everyone else. Yes, overcoming addiction/bad emotional patterns/unhealthy relationships is very difficult. But thousands of people have done it to lead happy lives. You can do it.. but you need to stop convincing yourself that you can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Another thing is - if you TRULY believed you can't do it, you wouldn't keep coming back for advice. I think since I did it you can do it too - but you seem very stubborn. I am not sure you WANT to be in a better situation. Maybe your problem is that you think you don't deserve it. Has your therapist talked about this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Another thing is - if you TRULY believed you can't do it, you wouldn't keep coming back for advice. I think since I did it you can do it too - but you seem very stubborn. I am not sure you WANT to be in a better situation. Maybe your problem is that you think you don't deserve it. Has your therapist talked about this? My therapists do not really give advice or much feedback. I am not sure why that is. I think they believe that I need to make all these choices on my own or something. I deserve to be treated well but I do not believe that nice people exist. Everyone seems so phony to me and this cynicism carries over into all I do, so again it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I come here for attention more than anything else. I need a lot of attention and I guess this is the only place to get it at the moment. I really should focus on my work though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TakingtheBlame Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Another thing is - if you TRULY believed you can't do it, you wouldn't keep coming back for advice. I think since I did it you can do it too - but you seem very stubborn. I am not sure you WANT to be in a better situation. Maybe your problem is that you think you don't deserve it. Has your therapist talked about this? This is a very good point. I saw a therapist for a little while about a year ago and after a few sessions she told me it seemed I ENJOYED being unhappy, and asked me what I thought of that. She had a point...I thought about it for a little while and realized I was more comfortable suffering through old heartbreaks than moving forward and discovering new ones, which I hadn't yet developed an emotional immunity to, if you will. I'm with hike here on exploring whether you are perhaps in some sort of twisted comfort zone here as far as putting yourself into familiar but toxic situations because you know how to deal with them already and fear the unknown.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Applewhite Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 My therapists do not really give advice or much feedback. I am not sure why that is. I think they believe that I need to make all these choices on my own or something. I deserve to be treated well but I do not believe that nice people exist. Everyone seems so phony to me and this cynicism carries over into all I do, so again it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I come here for attention more than anything else. I need a lot of attention and I guess this is the only place to get it at the moment. I really should focus on my work though. So you are here for attention and not advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capuccino83 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 My therapists do not really give advice or much feedback. I am not sure why that is. I think they believe that I need to make all these choices on my own or something. I deserve to be treated well but I do not believe that nice people exist. Everyone seems so phony to me and this cynicism carries over into all I do, so again it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I come here for attention more than anything else. I need a lot of attention and I guess this is the only place to get it at the moment. I really should focus on my work though. Maybe you should find a new therapist? Maybe a cognitive behavior therapist? I had tried several and we just talked about my feelings which did me no good. Then I found one that actually gave me "homework" to do. This one helped me alot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I did CBT. Yes, it helped. Yes, being miserable is familiar territory for me...and strangely comfortable, while stressing me out. I do want attention. I often feel like no one cares about me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredofvampires Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I hope you really stay on top of looking for those women-only sex addiction support groups -- you're right, I think co-ed could be tricky. I think it's really important that you get into one, even if it's an online support group -- because there, you won't feel judged. Saying "no" once is good -- but it's got to become a way of life, to the point you remember how you "used to be" (falling off the wagon and feeling this crappy) and think, "I'm so glad it's past me." But many beliefs about relationships and people are involved in this -- it's not just about throwing out a pack of cigarettes. It's about your BELIEFS which are very deeply ingrained, so much work will still need to be done. The first rule of CBT is that beliefs create thoughts, which then drive behaviors. So the core beliefs are the ones that need to be taken apart and done battle with. Like that some people are meant to be alone, like that people are not nice and are phony, that you can't have a relationship, etc. Even saying these things reinforces them again. These ARE beliefs, not facts. That's the root of it all -- all the rest follows, like cars in a train. It's insufficient to just have the thought, "This time I should say no." There has to be deep conviction behind it or you will relapse (even though the more times you say no, the more your brain LEARNS to do that, which is good -- like training yourself.) And good for you for seeking out the help -- both CBT and DBT (I've considered DBT for myself [not for this issue] and wonder what it was like for you). Is there a reason you've stopped? (have you stopped?) Because clearly, the techniques have not gotten you to a place where you are more able to manage this issue. The goal of therapy should be a sustainable way of life that's better than it was. It sounds like you're due to go back, and explain to the therapist (whether new or the same one as before) that you feel you've backslid enough that it's making a mess of your life, and what now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ycmanvs Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 I was in DBT for about 4 years and it helped get me out of a toxic relationship. That is also when I took that year off from sex. I should try to get back into a group and see if I can get everything back on track. I think I need some female friends in general. I mostly have male friends, so my beliefs/views are a bit off. Thanks again for listening to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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