RainDrop 2911 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 My bestfriend from swimming training has started trying to involve herself more with my boyfriend, by that I mean, she makes a point of saying goodbye to him, loud enough for me to hear, and always situating herself between me and him. She has also started doing that thing girls do where they put their friends down by being sarcastic about things they say, maybe trying to make boys like them better? I'm quite good friends with her ex, although i'd never take anything to the next level with him, and she knows that, seeing as he's a player and i only see him as a friend. but he confides in me with his problems, and even though he is always finding trouble for himself, i encourage him not to do stupid things. He sort of see's me as some perfect girl, which i'm not, but my bf has told me that the other guy "still holds a torch for you." (the other guy once asked me out and when i said no, he said he'd go off girls for two years to wait for me)... he lasted two months.. but even i can tell he still looks at me as the girl he'll never have. Im wondering if my bestfriend has suddenly become jealous of me, as I always seem to get the better end of the deal... having one of the most wonderful guys for my boyfriend, and still being friends with the other guys at training, including her ex. Her ex, was friends with me before they went out, so i know she cant think im only being friends with him because im trying to take him away from her, but could she be jealous of my bf, and maybe want him for herself now ? I love my bestfriend so much and i don't want to lose her as a friend. we always have a great time together and usually confide in each other with our problems, but i dont want to question her about this if it really is nothing and she's just being friendly or making a joke when she acts sarcastic. i wouldn't want to hurt her feelings or our relationship.. i'd love your guys opinions ? (: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauxly Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 If she's your best friend you should be able to rationally and lovingly talk to her about this. Don't accuse her of being too flirty with your boyfriend or anything, just ask her how she feels about everything. She should be able to have an open conversation with you. If she gets dismissive, defensive or catty, then she might be playing a game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainDrop 2911 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 thanks mauxly, i agree about the no accusation part.. that wouldn't help at all.. if she is playing a game, should i just let our friendship go, or continue trying to sort things out ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauxly Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 thanks mauxly, i agree about the no accusation part.. that wouldn't help at all.. if she is playing a game, should i just let our friendship go, or continue trying to sort things out ?? If she's playing a game, run for your life. Our girlfriends are the ones who stand beside us and save our arses when the going gets tough. They absolutely do not make the going tough to begin with. When you've had a few super strong relationships with women, you'll never be tempted to deal with female drama again. True best friends have each others backs no matter what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainDrop 2911 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 okay, that would be a hard thing to do, seeing as i have to see her morning and afternoon every day, but ill talk to her and see how it goes.. thankyou so much for the advice anyway . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauxly Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 First of all, talk to her. Don't jump to conclusions. This all might get sorted out over a bottle of wine. But if you do wind up having to end the 'best friend' part of it all, it doesn't have to be drama. Just emotionally distance yourself and set boundaries. You don't have to be harsh. Just don't invite her around your boyfriend, make time for yourself etc. I know there are times when you'll have to be around them together, watch how your boyfriend responds to her. At this point its between you and him and her actions are irrelevant. If hes digging the attention and flirts back, you need to address HIS behavior not hers. But this is all moot right now because you havent talked to her, you don't really know what's going on. And it could all be a misunderstanding. One last point...do into others as you'd have them do to you. If you suspect that your friendship with her ex makes her uncomfortable, maybe its time to scale it back a bit. What's more important to you? Your friendship with her ex, or her feelings? It could be that you are both playing a bit of a sexual power trip with each other. Guys have a saying, "Bro's before Ho's" Women should have something similar...maybe, "Chicks before d1cks" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainDrop 2911 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 dont worry, i will talk to her before i make any judgements whatsoever ! i know what you mean by emotionally distance yourself, sounds like it would be the right thing to do if it turns out wrong. my boyfriend is not the least bit interested, and i think this bothers her aswell. she is trying so hard, yet having no effect as me and my boyfriend were bestfriends before becoming bf and gf. as to my friendship with her ex, i can see what you mean. ill dile it down with him, and see if that makes any difference. maybe she is just trying to be close to my bf like i am close to her ex ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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