stevejonez987 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm about a year divorced - and I'm back on the dating scene. Was in a relationship for over 10 years. I never had cell phones, Facebook, etc when I was dating - so a lot of the use of those things have been throwing me off my game. With all this constant contact of today's devices, the "no contact rule" seems to be blurring slightly - but I'm not sure. Case in point - I met someone while out of town this past weekend. We had a great time, and found out we live relatively close to one another. So we hang out throughout the weekend. In the end, we leave it that we'll be meeting up sometime in the near future, but leave it very vague. At one pointthrough the weekend, we talked about hooking up on Facebook. Now she's younger than me, so her opinion of Facebook might be different, but I always saw it as more of an address book to keep in touch with others and make jokey comments. So - once I got back to my computer the next day - I sent out a friend request (with a short flirty remark and a 'talk to you later') to be sure we stay connected. And I do have her number as well - and yes, I'm 100% positive it's good. But it's not even been 24 hours since it was sent - so I'm not sure if she has even seen it yet. Here's my issue: after sending it - I worried I shouldn't have done it so quickly - like it broke the "no contact rule" - but becaue everyone has a different approach to Facebook, I'm not sure. So I need help in how to proceed from here. Is it a non-issue? How long should I wait to contact her now? If she doesn't add me but has no Facebook activity at all - should I contact her via phone as I normally would or wait for her to add me first? We did make plans to have another date when I'm "in the area" - so with things as they are - when should I be "in the area"? Damn technology makes dating even MORE confusing now. Thanks for your help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IsThisIt Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Don't worry about it -- adding someone as a facebook friend is a pretty trivial interaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeepMe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Well if you guys have talked about meeting up on Facebook, you would have to send a friendship, right? If she seemed to agree with meeting up on Facebook then I would say you are okay. In fact, Facebook is a little less up front than on the phone. If a guy messages me on Facebook first I have the time to figure out "do I want to reply to him? Did I like him? And when should I meet him again?" As to where a guy who may call me when I'm least expecting it may put me on the spot, of course to each their own we all feel very differently. Really it's just a waiting game to see if she adds you, and responds. If she doesn't respond to you I would try one last time, it is a good chance that she doesn't use Facebook all that much. On my cellphone when I go to my voicemail (others may not agree with this but..) I have the option in my settings to send a direct voicemail to someone rather than calling. Now, I'm not sure if your cellphone has this but if you can find this feature in your voicemail settings I would send a direct voicemail. Just small talk, tell her again what a great time you had with her over the weekend, and that you look forward to meeting up with her again soon. That she can call you anytime, basically leaving it short and sweet. If you don't have a setting like that on your phone, give her a call, it couldn't hurt. I would just leave the ball in her court, and take it slow. =) Good luck, -Keep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlashEng1 Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 The FB issue is soooo tricky depending on the situation, aye! But to make it short and sweet, I would personally treat it as nothing and if she adds you, great, if not, whatever. Don't let THAT alter the "time" it will take for you to call her... In other words, whatever your time to call her was, still keep to it, and call her, and don't mention/think about FB. The problem with FB is when you add someone you start to see the other side of them. A side they might not want you to see. So you can always think of it as her not wanting you to see her "less attractive" side. It also starts jealousy in early relationships, as certain people have certain connections with their FB friends. Also know that her FB friends become yours, and vice-versa. Meaning you can see when she posts on other people's wall's, and their conversations, and who all writes on hers and flirts with her, etc. So it can definitely cause an unwanted stir in the water that you don't want to deal with. So if she DOESN'T add you back, be happy for this reason alone. If she does, say NOTHING to her/her wall via FB until she does you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 It shouldn't be a big deal, it's just facebook. If she likes you I don't think she would trip like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I think it all depends on how you conduct yourself. Some people like to add a person no matter what, and just talk to them intermittently and some people dont. I dont think that you have violated any rule. You guys arent even in the same town, just play this one by ear and see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevejonez987 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 Thanks for the advice. I've been putting too much emphasis on Facebook over the last few months. I completely agree that it adds nothing but stress and presumptions. Almost feels like cheating - like you can't just discover things about people. It's all right there. Anyway, glad to hear it's most likely not a dealbreaker. I'm guessing retracting the request would be worse? I probably could have waited - but I wanted to at least reach out to her for a few reasons. Big thing was that she was feeling under the weather and had a bad couple of days before we met, and thought it might be nice to give her a little casual shout out. Alot of what I read on the net just made me paranoid. Does reaching out so soon ruin the "attraction"? Or showing I care make me look needy? I gotta stop overanalyzing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 The 'no contact rule' isn't about dating, it's about handling a breakup. You're doing the opposite--you're fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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