mrblond Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 guys, your thoughts appreciated, especially from ladies who maybe able to relate to this. The back ground is, me and ex split recently after about 15 months (she split from me) It came pretty sudden as all was rosy and this is her saying that. A bit of background info on her (this is where the ladies may relate) she is a single mother working full time bringing up child, running a home, dashing here and there for her child looking after horses etc, basically not much time for a rest. Anyway, she told me that she suddenly doesnt feel the same about the relationship as she should and this is because in her words "she is having a wobbly" moment in her life and is struggling to juggle job, child, home as well as relationship, things have got ontop of her and because she is struggling her mind is not in the relationship as it has been in the past and unfortunately something has to give, which obviously is not going to be the job or child, so it is me and the way she is feeling about things she needs a clean break from us so she can sort other things out. She has openly said that it would be unfair to stay together while she is struggling with other things and cant give the time our relationship deserves, which is true. She has said she does not know what the future will hold, once she has sorted other things she may feel she is ready for a relationship again or may not, but in the meantime we have had a clean break and obviously need to get on with my life. However, goes without saying that i care for her and when she says she is struggling to juggle things, obviously i am worried about her as i care. I am going to give her the clean break she has asked for, however at the same time, i would like to drop her a line at some point just to make sure she is ok as i do care about her Would you guys/ ladies think it would be wrong of me to drop her a line in due course just to check she is doing ok? i dont think it would be a bad thing to do, but also respecting her wishes of a clean break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dean kaplan Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Would you guys/ ladies think it would be wrong of me to drop her a line in due course just to check she is doing ok? i dont think it would be a bad thing to do, but also respecting her wishes of a clean break. It's not necessarily wrong, per se, but it will prolong the amount of time it will take for you to get over her. In addition, it could drive her away from you, if you're hoping that staying in contact with her will bring her back to you. Often times, such actions push them away even further, as they may think you're desperate and clingy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeepMe Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 If I were in your shoes I would have a talk with her and let her know that you do, indeed, care for her. If my boyfriend was going through the same thing as her I would sit him down and explain that I care very much, and that I am here for him whenever he needs me. Of course you are going to care for her if you love her, and her knowing that will most likely make her feel better. However, if she is wanting the "clean break" you cannot hassle her. You can't say "okay maybe I'll call her and check on her..." and then next week call and check on her again. She has to set the boundaries, and you have to ask what her boundaries are. If it were my boyfriend I would tell him that I wouldn't bug him, I wouldn't bother him, and I respect his decision to part but that I would still like to remain friends. I would tell him that I would still like to talk to him, if whenever he felt like talking. If he told me no, I would accept that and not talk to him. My answer to your question is no, no it would not be wrong for you to check in on her this once. Ask her what she thinks about contact, even though you two aren't dating. Let her feel comfortable with you, and let her know that you are there for her, and if she needs space completely that you can deal with that as well. Good luck, -Keep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stay_home Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 I think that's very mature of you to accept the breakup and still would like to be in touch, but I don't think she's ready for that right now. Give her some time and space to deal with these emotions (couple months maybe) then try to check on her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrblond Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 Thanks guys for your replies, one thing i wont do is hassle her, as it was been a recent break up, I will give it time and then if i feel the same i will contact her the once to see how she is etc. cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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