cocopuffs239 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 i recently went online to just look around at what are my chances of being with her again if she left me for someone else, and they dont seem that great and what not, he is leaving for the air force so i have somewhat high hopes, she is talking to me and all but i was reading how it may take up to a year or even more for me to heal..... im 20 and im a pretty tough dude when it comes to emotions but idk if i can deal with a year of missing my ex, im right now in NC and im trying and i am sticking with NC i almost gave in yesterday, but im really afraid i wont be able to move in i sometimes get a sinking feeling and once i started thinking about that i got it, i want to move on and maybe get back with her if he leaves....but can you guys give me some insight and maybe ill feel better?:sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnm3 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 you clearly need to work on your self esteem first; she left you for another and you're counting the days until the new guy is out of the picture so that you could have another chance. never settle for scraps, never tolerate being someone's second choice. there are plenty of girls out there who would love to have you as their first choice, go get yourself out there and realize there's a magnificent world without your ex. you need to go NC, you're killing your chances of her coming back in the future... why should she want to try again with you if she never lost you? you need to give her the opportunity to miss you... let go, and let god, if it was meant to be, she'll make the effort to reenter your life, as your significant other, not a mere friend. relationships that start out of infidelity have a very very low chance of success, but you need to make sure that when their relationship ends, you need to be in the healthiest state of mind possible, so you can avoid future pain this woman will surely inflict on you after a considerable amount of NC, it will become clear that you're throwing time and energy away on a person who left you for another and selfishly kept you around for more pain. as for healing, it varies by the person... but ultimately time is the only thing that will heal you... don't reject your feelings, the negative feelings youre experiencing is just your mind adapting to the major change in your life... you can catalyze the healing process, however, by talking with family and friends, seeking a therapist, exercising, taking some classes, being as social as possible, setting some goals for yourself to improve yourself, etc... you'll get through this and be much stronger in the end head up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocopuffs239 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 well im actually doing very good its being about a month since the break up and about a week since NC but i feel weak some times and need the help, i sometimes freak out about losing her, and try to feel better, i know the best i can do is stay NC and keep going and maybe some time in the future try LC and get her back i can only hope. while hope can cause more pain, its being helping me more than hurting, now that i have this pain from the break up i have the drive to make my self better for a second meeting, ill keep NC and try to better my self with the hopes of maybe one day getting her back. thanks for the insight though, why do you say infidelity dont last long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calisurfer Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm pretty much in the same boat you are. My ex left me for someone else three weeks ago, some chick he only knew for a few weeks. Now they are talking about marriage and kids. So yeah it does hurt a lot. He is also living with her. Do I want him back? I'd be a liar if I said no, but deep down inside know that he's not healthy for me. So yeah I know where youre coming from. I miss him dearly. Just the thought of him sleeping with someone else makes me want to vomit. I cant even fathom the idea of being with anyone else but him. But I have to move on, as you do too. I try not to think of his new relationship, as you should too. Don't dwell on your ex and her new bf. I know it's very hard, but you gotta be tough. Might there be a chance in the future for us and our ex's. I don't know. But remember what one of my friends told, 'once a cheater always a cheater'. I hope that I don't hear from my ex once our stuff is exchanged. I hope that a few months or a year down the line if he does contact me I will be in a place where I really don't care about him. I've only been in three relationships, this one included, and I'm good friends with two of my ex's. I've never cheated on someone and this is the first time I've been cheated on. So trust me I know how you feel. We just gotta be tough and take it one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calisurfer Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm pretty much in the same boat you are. My ex left me for someone else three weeks ago, some chick he only knew for a few weeks. Now they are talking about marriage and kids. So yeah it does hurt a lot. He is also living with her. Do I want him back? I'd be a liar if I said no, but deep down inside know that he's not healthy for me. So yeah I know where you're coming from. I miss him dearly. Just the thought of him sleeping with someone else makes me want to vomit. I cant even fathom the idea of being with anyone else but him. But I have to move on, as you do too. I try not to think of his new relationship, as you should also. Don't dwell on your ex and her new bf. I know it's very hard, but you gotta be tough. Might there be a chance in the future for us and our ex's. I don't know. But remember what one of my friends told, 'once a cheater always a cheater'. I hope that I don't hear from my ex once our stuff is exchanged. I hope that a few months or a year down the line if he does contact me I will be in a place where I really don't care about him. I've only been in three relationships, this one included, and I'm good friends with two of my ex's. I've never cheated on someone and this is the first time I've been cheated on. So trust me I know how you feel. We just gotta be tough and take it one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocopuffs239 Posted January 12, 2011 Author Share Posted January 12, 2011 thanks that helped a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manicdogbert Posted January 12, 2011 Share Posted January 12, 2011 when my break up happened (after 6 years of being together), my therapist was straight up with me and said, "It's gonna hurt and it's gonna hurt for a long time." Try not to think about "how long it's going to take" for you to heal and focus on staying busy and improving yourself. Reflect on the relationship without dwelling on it. Definitely try not to think too much about the future and just take everything day by day. For me, the fact that my therapist told me it was going to take a long time to heal actually helped. It prepared me to be sad/angry for a while and to know it was all natural and part of the healing process. I'm still in the process of healing but I'm definitely better than I was 4 months ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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