Is this scenario insulting to you???

[needopinion11]

My girlfriend and I broke up about 4 weeks ago a week b4 Christmas. After 2 weeks we met and decided still there was too much to overcome and go our separate ways and did not want to be in contact with each other. Before Christmas, her mum asked that if an Xbox could be found as a gift for her get it and she would pay me back as a lot of stores were out. I did find one, got it and she wrote me a check. I tore up the check b/c I was going to need her help getting her daughter a Christmas gift but never had the chance as we broke up 1 week before Christmas.

Because my ex and I are not on speaking terms, I texted her mother nicely and said, hi, hope he family is doing well. The check you gave me will not be cashed as I tore it up and was going to ask you to use the money for you to get your daughter a gift for me. I asked that now she use the money to use the cleaning lady who cleans her house to clean her daughters house a few times as her daughter did mention how she could use that and I know would appreciate it. In fact, my ex told me her parents had offered to pay for a cleaning lady knowing how busy she is but she was frustrated they never followed thru nor was she going to ask them. I thought this was a win/win situation as in no way was I asking for the money back, thought it could be put to good use.

I get an email today from my ex saying the money will be returned, she and her parents are insulted by this! I explained to her the situation i do not want the money back,want it to go to good use and my text was not at all rude but never heard back.

Is it so insulting to anyone else out there?? I never once said your house is dirty or you need a cleaning lady, nor was it implied either. your thoughts please!

[TidalWave]

It kinda implies her house is dirty, and sound a bit rude. Imo, you should take the money and put it to a good use yourself.

[d24]

i think you had good intentions and obviously the break-up wasn't a particularly easy one, so I can understand she wasn't too happy about her parents getting that text from you. Also, if that's word for word what yo texted her parents, i honestly found it very hard to understand without your explanation and had to read it several times? perhaps a followup text explaining, in a non confrontational way, what you meant might help?

 

But the overriding thing here is that it kind of looks like you want to be seen as the good guy from this situation - making a point that the ex's parents money that was going to be half her present (the xbox) is now going to be used for a cleaner... why not just leave them to it and accept that the xbox came from you and forget about the check that you tore up - and if they want to get a cleaner, that's her and her parents' business now.

 

just think about it?

[nutbrownhare]

Erm ... it can be useful to remember that help that hasn't been asked for is usually seen as criticism. Asking someone to send a cleaning lady round to someone's flat, no matter how well intentioned on your part, is a bit like sending someone a can of deodorant, or anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on how to control your flatulence - do you see what I mean?

 

Given that it's your EX - this would definitely be seen as insulting. I'm sure this wasn't your intention. If I were you I'd put this behind you, not try to make any more explanations - which will probably make matters worse - keep to your NC and move on.

[lavenderdove]

Just take the money back... perhaps they interpreted this as an insult with you implying their house was dirty, but regardless, you have broken up so you should have your money refunded.

[Fudgie]

If someone implied to me "Just keep the money. I suggest getting a cleaning lady." when I have not brought up the possibility of getting a cleaning lady before, yes, I would be insulted. I know you didn't mean to but they probably took it as "I think your place is dirty. So use my money to get a cleaning lady."