How find out if my housemate reciprocates my feelings?

[james462]

I've had feelings for my housemate for quite a while now, and we both get on really well.

 

I want to ask her out, but I'm holding off as we have so much in common - sounds like a good thing, but we go to university together, are in all the same classes and we live together, and I'm worried that if she doesn't reciprocate my feelings it will be awkward at college, and that I'll have to move out. I'm just worried that we'll see so much of each other and feel awkward all the time!

 

I've been trying to think of ways to find out from my other housemate whether or not she likes me, but I don't want to be too be overt that I like her, just in case he tells her or it becomes awkward with him (he definitely isn't interested in her as hes in a long term relationship). If anyone knows of good ways of finding out from him, without making it obvious that I like her then let me know

 

Can anyone help me find a way to find out if she likes me, without risking having to move out?

 

Also, I'm not sure if it's relevant, but neither me or my housemate have had a serious relationship before. This also adds to why Id be nervous about asking her out. Shes the only girl that I've ever really cared about and liked that hasn't just been a silly crush - despite being 22, and I don't want to loose her as a friend because I enjoy her company so much.

 

Any help people can give whatsoever would be very helpful.

 

Thanks in advance

[Lucy__lou]

Even if she does reciprocate your feelings, there's a chance things wouldn't work out in the long term, and after the sweet love affair ended you'd be stuck living with an ex, and going to uni with an ex.

 

My heart goes out to you dude. I've been in your shoes. The only two strategies I've known to work have been;

 

1. move out (and ask her on a date)

2. keep to yourself, switch off your feelings as much as you can, be as detached as you can, think of your houesmate relationships as somewhat formal, professional relationships where you are more concerned with maintaining STABILITY as opposed to opening up who you are and being yourself and feeling comfortable.

 

In other words, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place, and like I said, my heart goes out to you.

 

I wouldn't tell her. If she doesn't reciprocate, it could be uncomfortable for both of you. Of course, if you do tell her, you will have to frame it in a light hearted, casual way. Make it not a big deal, and if she doesn't reciprocate, you're going to have to be very brave, and put a lot of work into letting her know that you're super happy being just housemates, totally 100% platonic, no romance, no sexual tension, brother and sister room mates.

 

And you're going to have to put a lot of work into making sure that that's the vibe you give off, in case she's more perceptive than you realise.

 

 

Good luck

[Applewhite]

What makes you think the other roommate is going to know anything? When I am really interested in someone I go for the kill - I go straight up to them and tell/show them I admire them and want them. I don't think about what if it doesn't work out stuff - but I don't know, maybe I have the wrong idea

[WindowTo]

Yea be careful, being in close proximity to an ex can really ruin the precious few years of freedom, fun, and access to cool things and people that college provides. Take it slow if anything and don't expose that you are wildly in love with this person or something.

[bulletproof]

Is this a housemate situation that's just for the semester? If so, why not wait until May? I would say that you should continue to build the friendship and wait until the timing is right. If you do decide to tell her or make a move, I think that if you are confident and sure of yourself, then any awkwardness after would not be an issue. I know if someone expressed an interest in me, I'd be flattered, and not necessarily uncomfortable, even if I didn't feel the same. As long as everyone is mature throughout, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

[james462]

Thanks everybody for your comments so far.

[IsThisIt]

Definitely don't go through another person, that is never the right way to go. But I want to echo the comments of the other posters -- dating a roommate is a recipe for disaster. Why don't you just flirt with her a bit, and see how she responds?