How letting go benefited me

[Seif]

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The benefits of cutting loose and giving an ex a dose of reality I think, in some cases might help some people here. I don’t post on these forums too often, not do I have as much wisdom or insight as some of the regulars but after recent events, I wanted to highlight something that actually helped me.

 

If you’re prepared to let go of any lingering hopes of reconciliation, or want to be left alone by an ex or just want to move on, sometimes being blunt and telling them this can help. Not only in terms of getting the space you need, but in terms of finally getting things of your chest.

 

In my instance, the basics of my story are linked above. I’d had some trouble at work as well and after being pulled in for a chat, I decided that I wasn’t a victim after all and decided to sort it out.

 

I’m running several times a week, getting out more and people claim to have noticed a difference in me at work and in other aspects. I’ve had a few dates, none of which had spark, but I still got that far. And I was pretty pleased with all that, but in the backdrop of my mind, I was still thinking about my ex.

 

She text me on Christmas Eve to say hi, which then proceeded to her telling me she thinking of sending me a card but was worried I’d think she was being audacious. This carried on for a few days until something inside snapped. I mentioned I was getting bored trying to work out what she wanted, to which she responded she didn’t mean to mess with my head.

 

I don’t know why that set it off, but all the things I’d never said post break up, all the concerns about wanting to win her back via nicety, kindness, wisdom, change all that, just vanished. All that remained was the truth to be expressed, that if she didn’t want me, she should let me go, that I’m done trying to work out what she’s scared of, what she’s afraid of, and that I’m not waiting for my answers anymore. I’m better than being her back-up. She made her choice, she took her path and it’s up to me to make the most of mine.

 

I said all this in a blunt but not unfriendly way, an honest but not mean fashion. She threw me a line about understanding if we can’t be friends, as she has done before, but this time, I rose to it. Having deleted her details, made my peace with what happened, I’ve in essence told her so, and that from now on, I won’t be responding to her provocations, attempts or anything else she throws my way.

 

And for all that, I feel much better. A palpable sense of relief and something like serenity is with me now. I’m still not perfect, I’ve more work to do to get there but having let go of that pipe dream and said goodbye, not only to her, but to any dream of getting back with her, that freedom is finally here.

 

Yet, as sad as this may sound, I feel that at a given moment in time, she’ll have more regrets then me. I tried, cried and would have died for her if needed, and my conscious is clear now. She has here problems, but they’re no longer mine, and I feel no shame or guilt in walking away from the misery she made herself. Mutual friends will probably be telling her who I’m seeing or what I’m doing but this doesn’t concern me on any level either. My focus is on my world, what I’m worth and who I want to be, in the current day and time.

 

I’m not sure why I’m posting all this, but if it helps anyone wanting to move past their own wall of pain, or to see any lining at a tunnel where you feel there’s none, keep going. A few months ago, I never thought I’d be here and I am. The person I’m going to be, and the achievements to my name will be a boon to whoever I’m with. For the moment, and hopefully for a very long time, my ex will be a total irrelevance.

Best of luck to everyone

[stu1066]

you slew your dragon and faced your demons! I was going to write letting go is a process not a decision, but what you have done definitely gives you a head start! you took your power back well done!

[askltk]

I don’t know why that set it off, but all the things I’d never said post break up, all the concerns about wanting to win her back via nicety, kindness, wisdom, change all that, just vanished. All that remained was the truth to be expressed, that if she didn’t want me, she should let me go, that I’m done trying to work out what she’s scared of, what she’s afraid of, and that I’m not waiting for my answers anymore. I’m better than being her back-up. She made her choice, she took her path and it’s up to me to make the most of mine

 

I get exactly what your saying here! And congrats for making the detachment yourself. At some point, I believe we all get to the point in that situation where we realise that if they dont want us, why contact us. Im not there myself, but its all part of moving on.