AsianLove89 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Ok so im 21yrs old and im married. I have a 2year old from a previous relationship...I have alot of stretch marks due to the pregnancy and my breast lost "alot" of volume...I feel i am way to young 4 my body to look like this and i plan on having breast surgury done such as a lift and implants and maybe even laser stretch mark removal...Im working to save up the money to get these things done ASAP...My problem is that my husband wants kids and im not sure if i want to have anymore do to the fear of what the next pregnancy will do to my body...is that selfish of me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shuttlefish Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Oh youth...you think those things matter...but they don't. You wont know until later though. Get the surgery if it will make you feel better. Or take a nice vacation with the money instead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windycitygal Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I may be going out on a limb here but there are two things here: 1. Babies are a huge topic of interest. Did you think of having this conversation with him beforehand? 2. I don't think it's selfish of you at all. Many people will say that yes, you are being selfish but I disagree. I think every woman has a right to want to keep her figure intact. Not everyone wants the effects of a baby on their body, and it's a very personal choice. It doesn't make you any less of a woman or any more horrible of a person. See: link removed link removed But most of all, you have some serious talking to do with your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I think the decision of more kids need to be had. With proper diet and exercise, you can lose the baby weight and everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Oh youth...you think those things matter...but they don't. You wont know until later though. Get the surgery if it will make you feel better. Or take a nice vacation with the money instead. So are you saying that when i get older i wont care as much about my body? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windycitygal Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Not everyone stops caring about their bodies. It's not wrong to want to look a certain way, at least in my opinion. We all want to look a certain way, otherwise we wouldn't do our hair or wear makeup or put on heels, or wear whatever it is that we do. I'm not sure how healthy your body image is though. You mentioned you don't like your body- do you resent your child for it? You need to talk with your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I may be going out on a limb here but there are two things here: 1. Babies are a huge topic of interest. Did you think of having this conversation with him beforehand? 2. I don't think it's selfish of you at all. Many people will say that yes, you are being selfish but I disagree. I think every woman has a right to want to keep her figure intact. Not everyone wants the effects of a baby on their body, and it's a very personal choice. It doesn't make you any less of a woman or any more horrible of a person. See: link removed link removed But most of all, you have some serious talking to do with your husband. Thanx 4 the advice and no i havent talk to my hubby bcuz he has already made it clear to me that he wants a child and saying this to him i think would ruin our relationship...its so easy 4 men to say they want lots of children since its not there body getting ripped thru...I just want my body back,hopefully next year if my money is saved well...but i dont wanna spend all this money just to get pregnant rigght afterwards....i even considered having a baby this year just to get it out the way but i dont think thats right plus im not financially stable enough 4 another child yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VixiT Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 You're not selfish at all. It's your body, only yours and nobody can decide what to do with it except you. You're so young you have so much time left to have more children and especially if your family isn't enough financially stable for a moment. Try to explain it to your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
im_the_undead Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 im young like you i freak out about my body too everyone picks on me because im too skinny and have stretch marks ect. it really sucks, low self esteem affects everything.... but like i hear so often, "if you don't like the way you do then change it!" So i support your desire to change yourself in order to be happier, it doesn't make you selfish, only human. just know that your husband is with you regardless of the stretchmarks and wants more kids because he loves you dearly. you're desirable to him, isn't that something of value? You're also a mom, usually the best feeling in the world so make wise decisions. there are less drastic things you can do to change your looks drastically without the surgery. anyway don't feel bad about your body, you're a mommy! as cliche as it may sound, those marks on your tummy really are something you should never be ashamed of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Do you resent your child for making your body the way it is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 The nicest thing about getting older is that you realize just how unimportant a "perfect" body is. You start working hard on the inside, and that makes anyone beautiful. If you want to take a chance on dying on the table, going through intense pain after the operation, and having breasts that may very well never be able to be used for their intended use, EVER AGAIN, then be my guest. Then, when you turn 50, you will realize how silly all of that was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TidalWave Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 We live in a world gone mad unsatisfied by things we had, here now, but gone tomorrow all they caused was pain and sorrow. We want more than we need ripping our souls as we bleed for we are slaves to every known sin causing much madness from within. I agree with thejigsup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 So are you saying that when i get older i wont care as much about my body? Typically yes. As we get older and put things into perspective, we realize that our body shape isn't very important. What is important is our family, friends, loved ones, who we are as a person, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
im_the_undead Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 ^ this is apparently very true. every older woman tell me the same. i just feel that the only reason we care so much is because our age group rejects/insults us if we don't fit the ideal picture and we are sensitive..... can't wait to turn 60. idk why i feel like that'll be the best age of my life. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 ^ this is apparently very true. every older woman tell me the same. i just feel that the only reason we care so much is because our age group rejects/insults us if we don't fit the ideal picture and we are sensitive..... can't wait to turn 60. idk why i feel like that'll be the best age of my life. lol Though I'm only 21... lol. but I feel the same as "older women" in that I don't put much emphasis on how my body looks. I like to stay fit and healthy, but would not care if I gained some weight, had stretch marks, etc. I find that my relationships with people are much more important that how I look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I just look at them as badges of love for having my great son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Yea but i feel selfish because my 1st child "isnt" his, he doesnt have any children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 The nicest thing about getting older is that you realize just how unimportant a "perfect" body is. You start working hard on the inside, and that makes anyone beautiful. If you want to take a chance on dying on the table, going through intense pain after the operation, and having breasts that may very well never be able to be used for their intended use, EVER AGAIN, then be my guest. Then, when you turn 50, you will realize how silly all of that was. lol you went overboard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Typically yes. As we get older and put things into perspective, we realize that our body shape isn't very important. What is important is our family, friends, loved ones, who we are as a person, etc. i no know that much... but im not gonna be old for a long time so why should i suffer thru my young years feeling bad about myself, i should be happy and youthful while im young...having sagging breast and stretch march at 21 is horrable....im not doing this to please the world, im doing this 4 me, i could care less if i get attention from people, i jus wanna feel beautiful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 I just look at them as badges of love for having my great son. if you dont mind me asking, how well did your breast take to pregnancy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianLove89 Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 Though I'm only 21... lol. but I feel the same as "older women" in that I don't put much emphasis on how my body looks. I like to stay fit and healthy, but would not care if I gained some weight, had stretch marks, etc. I find that my relationships with people are much more important that how I look. Im sure your body is in pretty good shape thats why its easy 4 you to say that body image doesnt matter...Your 21 jus like me, what if your breast sagged rite now? or you couldnt wear a bikini anymore due to stretch marks? Your saying you wouldnt care? maybe at 40 you wouldnt but 21? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 If I'd been lucky enough to meet the right person and have the opporunity to start a family earlier than I did (at age 41) I would have continued to care about being healthy, in good shape, at a healthy weight but I wouldn't have cared about being able to wear a bikini or about stretch marks. And I know many many women who care very much about their looks in their 40s-it's not old by any stretch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 I'm 22 and my boobs arent perky, they sag. I have stretch marks and I have never had a child. Do I wear bikins? No. And I really don't care. About any of it. It sounds like you could have some body issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 is that selfish of me? I don't personally think it is selffish not to want to go through the physcial changes of pregnancy again. In the end it is you that will contend with physical changes for a very long time during pregnancy and postpartum. It's easy for a BF to say he wants a baby. Even if you go back to exactly how you are now, pregnancy itself is an altered state and you should not be pregnant unless you fully want to be. However, are the fears of bodiul changes your only true reason for not wanting a baby with him? Just wondering. I agree with the others that you really need to talk with him about this and be fully honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Im sure your body is in pretty good shape thats why its easy 4 you to say that body image doesnt matter...Your 21 jus like me, what if your breast sagged rite now? or you couldnt wear a bikini anymore due to stretch marks? Your saying you wouldnt care? maybe at 40 you wouldnt but 21? I've been through several surgeries that have "destroyed" my body because of a medical condition I have. Trust me when I say that my body is no where near perfect, but I have learned to love my body as it is. I have a 9 inch scar that travels down my thigh, scars on my shoulder, and scars on my hip. I still wear bikinis, because really I don't care what others think of my body. I am happy with who I am. No one has a perfect body. And really, surgery to "fix" imperfections may not even make you happy because you will always find something that you don't like about your body. You need to work on your body image from the inside, as that is the only way you will really make yourself happy. I agree with what thejigsup wrote, "If you want to take a chance on dying on the table, going through intense pain after the operation, and having breasts that may very well never be able to be used for their intended use, EVER AGAIN, then be my guest." That is a possibility, since all surgeries have risks and something you need to think about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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