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Dump Them Back.....a lil short story


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Feeling dumped?..............Dump Them Back

 

Before you think I have lost my mind .......bear with me and read along ……….at least in my opinion it is necessary for a multitude of reasons.

 

To start, I am not saying to be cruel.

No matter how much you have been hurt or are hurting.

 

 

I know we all sometimes think this way...that our ex’s are beyond cruel and they deserve the same in return.

Granted some may deserve this, but I am looking big picture here and I’m thinking that it’s necessary to rise above.

 

There are a lot of forces at work here and for what its worth I want for all of us to be able to one day hold our heads high. That starts with taking care of yourself first and foremost.

 

I’ve been dumped and I have done some dumping…………both of them suck.

Bottom line.

Oh sure, sometimes I have been on the receiving and giving end and it didn’t matter that much, no real loss of sleep, no major life change. I guess no major love.

 

But, more importantly I have been dumped by someone I loved and was just at a loss for words. To be fair i have also been the dumper and equally out of my mind.

 

So dump them back you say huh?

 

Yes, more or less.

Now.

I am not trying to write this as a cure all or a step by step guide to win back or to forget about your ex.

 

This is one man with his ideas and his story.

What has worked for him and what hasn’t.

 

 

We all have to remember that what has worked for someone else doesn’t mean it will work for you or me…we all takes little bits and pieces and put together what works for us.

All of our situations are remarkably the same………….but remarkably different.

We are dealing with humans here………..and human emotions and logic.

 

Most everyone here I think will readily admit then when they are dumped/let go/whatever……….their significant other probably needed space or asked for it.

 

So space is what I give them…………and I mean a lot of it.

I dump them back.

Again, not in a petty way, not in a bitter way…….well maybe a little bitter………….but space is what they want …..then space is what they get.

And after all these years I have learned that space ….…is truly what they need.

 

Read that last line again.

It’s what they need…..it’s what you need……………it is what your relationship needs.

You can call it space, you can call it time.........for all that matters you can call it "infield fly rule". But whatever you call it..........you have to give it it's due.

It's what happens in that time that matters.

It is what you do in that time that matters the most of all.

 

No contact. ……….I am a fan of it.

And for the record I am also a fan of LC when it comes to that.(Thats another post for another day)

But I am a fan of No Contact for the healing and the recovery aspect of it………..for you and the other person.

It is at this time that you need the clearest of heads to deal with what you are going through, and often times all the mixed signals and the reading way too much into every tidbit of information you think you have received are some of the worse things you can have going on in your life.

 

Can it help to win back the one you love?

Sure, it can.

But in my mind if that happens that’s just a bonus.

 

We all get defined……..or shall I say redefined by our relationship(s).

Every once in a while it’s really not a bad thing to step back and take a honest, objective look at ourselves and see who we are and who we have become.

I bet if we did this more often the better off we would be.

 

Give them space….give them time………….but in the interim do not waste that time.

The pining for love lost and the regrets and the "what ifs" affect us all. There should absolutely in my mind be a time to mourn and grieve that relationship.

But somehow, someway there has to be a deadline for the mourning.

It has to be finite.

 

I’m not saying mark it on a calendar and check off the days…but for some that does work and if that works for you then by all means, do it.

As for me……….I will sit myself down, and accept that for now this relationship is over/in trouble.

If I need to cry…………then I will cry myself a river.

If necessary I will drown myself in my grief.

I don’t fight it……..I let it fall over me like rain.

 

In all my years I have come to realize that it (the grief) is going to happen so I have learned let it come and do its thing.

If I hit the bottom then so be it I hit the bottom and start coming back up.

There really no point it fighting it……….when it is there, it’s bigger than any of us.

It is a helpless and powerful feeling.

 

I have found that after all these years…..it helps me to recover faster.

And the faster I get around to fixing/helping myself the better off I will be, for me and for others who are in my life.

I am of the mind that I am not perfect nor will I ever be, but I do demand of myself to be the best that I can be.

Your ex deserves that, a future relationship deserves that.

You deserve that.

 

I would feel guilty or misleading if an Ex came back to me (or a new person into my life) and I wasn’t capable of offering to them all that I could be. I would be cheating them and more importantly, cheating myself.

You know the old saying…something like you can only lie to yourself for so long.

 

Dump them back.

 

Like I said earlier…..I have been on both sides of this.

And I can honestly say that being the dumper and the dumpee……….are in a dead heat for the suck factor, especially when you truly love someone.

 

I had one relationship (along time ago) that was perfect and that I let get away…………and she cut me loose.

I was in my 20’s and she was all that anyone could ask for.

But I didn’t do my part.

No cheating, no fighting, and no major drama………….but on my end………..no communication, not a really good partner at all.

And she cut me loose……….and I can’t blame her.

 

I was hurt, pissed, aggravated, bitter, shocked.

I went through bouts of denial mixed in with a dash of more denial and then sprinkled in more denial and basically just swept it under the rug.

 

She wanted (needed) space………and I gave it to her.

How I did that I’m still not sure.

She went on with her life as did I.

I don’t know if she started dating…..I would assume so, ……..(remember at this time there was no face book or emails or texting etc)…….. but after a while I did.

Nothing serious….I was seeing someone and we were in the newer stages of our relationship.

I really threw myself into my work and living life as it came.

 

Then one day out of the blue…………and I do mean out of the blue………she knocked on my door.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

She asked if we could talk.

I invited her in, sat at my kitchen table and she said the things she wanted/needed to say.

I could tell she had thought long and hard about this day and what she was going to say to me…and for my part; I gave her my full attention and just listened.

She told me she loved me and could only ever imagine her life with me in it and all this time apart gave her time to think and clear her head as to how she felt about me and about us.

She took a box out of her pocket opened it up………..and asked me to marry her.

 

(long ……………………………………….silent………………………………………… pause)

 

 

And I told her no.

Everything inside me told me to say yes………………..and I still told her no.

Out of spite……I told her no. (It took me years to realize this)

 

I broke her heart, and mine.

 

And when I look back on that day and those days I realized that I had never dealt with our break up properly, I never dealt with my feelings or emotions.

I did not do the things that I should have done.

I didn’t look at myself and make myself better.

I had not made myself the best that I could be……….and looking back I think that in that instant I realized that she had done the right things and I had not.

 

Seeing that at the time I was young and stupid I told her no.

 

Had I dumped her back…………I have to believe that there is a good chance that we would be together to this day.

 

I didn't do those things and I wasn’t ready. I had done nothing but live in denial.

And I watched her walk away.

 

 

Now listen………….I didn’t just tell you that story to boost your hopes for that special someone to come back into your life proposing marriage one day.

 

The odds my friends are against you.

 

Rather, I told you so that you would understand the

importance of finding yourself,

dealing with your emotions, and preparing yourself for the life ahead of you….whatever that may be.

 

Dump them back……..trust me.

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