Jump to content

So weird when online guys just disappear...


freeindeed
 Share

Recommended Posts

What people fail to realize is that there are people who will date someone they are not that into just until someone better comes along. This may take 3 dates, 6 dates, or a year.... I think the key is to recognize those signs so you don't become the "till someone better comes along person". I.e. not calling often, not wanting to see you often, not returning emails, etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't have a good online disappearing story, so I'll tell you why I don't have a good story, instead. Don't waste your time chatting with someone online forever. If you have a list of criteria that checks out, and you email back and forth a few times, talk to them on the phone once and setup a date. Meet in person. Done. They may still disappear, but at least it may be because of age-old reasons that we can all understand. No spark, whatever. And you will not have wasted a bunch of time and emotional energy chatting online, getting excited, chatting some more, getting more excited, only to have him disappear; or when you finally meet you realize his picture was 20 years and 50 pounds ago, and the dimwit forgot to take off his wedding ring. Online dating works best as a basic means of introduction. It's not a replacement for a good, old fashioned date. Until you see the whites of his eyes, don't get attached. A guy disappearing has little to do with your meeting online.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They get what I like to call "Candy Store Syndrome" (CSS), where they are smitten and then a few days later, they meet someone else, and so it goes. Never take it personally when someone dissappears on-line. It wasn't meant to be. And don't get all excited when you hear from them again 2-3 weeks later, it usually means things didn't pan out with some other person and they are going back to the drawing board.

 

Ugh...now i remember why I don't do on-line dating anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you don't mind me asking' date=' why don't you want to see her for date 3? Do feel nothing....like when people say there is no chemistry[/quote']

 

Yea just no chemistry. It's almost there... it probably could be there.... but I don't want to string her along to see if it pops up. I dunno I'm still on the fence about it. Maybe one more date then I'll figure it out. I don't think I'll be disappearing though, as others have said here I'll just tell her there's no spark.

 

I feel like usually you can tell if someone's into you or not. So if you're not sure but you're still pursuing you know the risks. I just went on a date with a girl the other night, and she was either real shy or not interested. I'll try again for another date, and I might get it... but I wouldn't be shocked or surprised if she disappears on me at any given time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What people fail to realize is that there are people who will date someone they are not that into just until someone better comes along. This may take 3 dates, 6 dates, or a year.... I think the key is to recognize those signs so you don't become the "till someone better comes along person". I.e. not calling often, not wanting to see you often, not returning emails, etc.

 

That's terrible. I can't imagine dating someone that long I wasn't into unless I really liked them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that is rarer. I like to think most people marry because they do love the person (even though it may not last). Or maybe i am just being naive.

 

Sadly that is not true. I know of quite a few people who married for reasons other than love....didn't want to be alone anymore, wanted the social standing of having a spouse, wanted children, wanted greater financial security etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The trick is to treat any person whom you have not met in rea life just as a cyber stranger. Even when the 'chemistry' ( i would call like cyber-chemistry) is very strong, (s)he is still a complete stranger till you have met. Then the real time of knowing her/him starts... first as a friend... then more. Often, the reverse happens. So if one start out as a complete stranger, it would often revert back to the complete stranger stage. Hence... the disappearing acts.

 

If i don't share any personal details about my life to accquainces, why should i then share it to a COMPLETE stranger???

 

If you can think like this, then you are protecting yourself against the odds of the person disappearing after a one-time date... which is actually no date at all... I would call it just meeting up for lunch, coffee... etc.

 

(Source: Learned it thru many many personal experiences of online dating. That is why i would never do it again..)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh sweet memories... I remember days when I fell in love by just staring at a girl's photograph long enough. These days, I believe, I'm nice guy to talk to, and I can get emotional as well, but I don't attach any level of importance to it. As if I was an actor on stage and all I did was just a performance to me and observer in one person. Kinda cold hearted in a way.

 

I'm having fun online and even in real life, and I'm having fun watching myself perform on that stage. But it just doesn't matter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 7 years later...
Look, I understand... Guys are online to find various things, girlfriend, wife, GWB, ONS, friends, a beard. I get it, but it doesn't make it any less painful when they just disappear. You've spent time with the person, shared personal info with a practical stranger. One day they're there... texting, joking... everything seems okay... then it just stops, no explanation.

 

You know he's still alive because he's still logging onto the dating site, sometimes for hours at a time. So you figure, he's probably met someone else... and usually it's a supermodel that graduated magna cum laude from Harvard, who is super-confident and wealthy, right? *sigh*

 

I just wish there was some way to find out what happened... but there isn't.

 

Any stories of disappearing acts anyone wants to share...??

 

I can see this is an old thread but thought I d like to update it becuase back in 2007 when internet dating was becoming popular. I WAS one of those guys that disappeared. Im not proud of it but I ll give you some idea why I did. I was younger back then and wasnt sure how to reject someone,. The easiest way was to fade or ghost on someone. I wasnt sure then what to do. That was then but I know know how it impacts on people.

 

Im older and wiser now and use the words. Sorry youre not the one Im looking for but good luck in your search. Somewhere along those lines anyway to help people move on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I just wish there was some way to find out what happened... but there isn't.

 

Any stories of disappearing acts anyone wants to share...??

 

The reality is men and women stop responding because they've lost interest. The are too many reasons to list as to why.

 

The important thing, is how you respond to it. I suggest you accept it as a fact of modern day dating life. It's not pleasant. But it's not going to change. Do not let it frustrate you. Do not take it personal. Be thankful they didn't waste your time further.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Look, I understand... Guys are online to find various things, girlfriend, wife, GWB, ONS, friends, a beard. I get it, but it doesn't make it any less painful when they just disappear. You've spent time with the person, shared personal info with a practical stranger. One day they're there... texting, joking... everything seems okay... then it just stops, no explanation.

 

You know he's still alive because he's still logging onto the dating site, sometimes for hours at a time. So you figure, he's probably met someone else... and usually it's a supermodel that graduated magna cum laude from Harvard, who is super-confident and wealthy, right? *sigh*

 

I just wish there was some way to find out what happened... but there isn't.

 

Any stories of disappearing acts anyone wants to share...??

 

I learned very early on - date in person not online. Use the online sites to send a message back and forth, get a phone number, chat on the phone for 20-30 minutes and make a plan to meet in person at a public place briefly - like, 45 minutes to an hour. Online sites are fabulous ways to make that first contact and if you want to date someone in person, use them just for that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • 7 SIGNS YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE (Even If You Don’t Think So)! 😏
      7 SIGNS YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE (Even If You Don’t Think So)! 😏 // Do you ever feel like you aren’t attractive? If yes, then you are totally normal! However, it’s time for you to know the truth. Once you learn the signs you are an attractive man and the signs you are attractive to women, your life will never be the same. This is about more than how to look good or how to attract women. These signs help you see why you actually can attract women in a way that makes them want a relationship with you! EVEN if you sometimes feel that’s impossible. Ready to learn how to know if you’re attractive and the signs you’re attractive? Let’s dive into 7 Signs You Are Attractive (EVEN If You Don’t Think So)!

       
      • 0 replies
    • The Social Minimalist | Can we be Happy without Friends?
      A minimalist lifestyle concerns itself with minimizing the number of material resources we need to be satisfied. A tremendous benefit of this approach is the reduced cost of living. The less we need, the more time, money, and energy we save. So, can we also apply minimalism to our social connections to gain the same benefits? Can we be happy with a minimal amount of friends, or even without friends? This video explores the benefits and downsides of friendship, the current state of friendships, and if we actually need friends.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 6 Secret Habits Smart People Do Every Day
      Do you find yourself more productive in the morning or at night? Did you know that smart people tailor their work routine to whether they are a night owl or a morning bird?

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Big Warning Signs You Should Be Worried She's Not Serious About You!
      5 Big Warning Signs You Should Be Worried She's Not Serious About You!... In this dating advice video, I will be sharing with you five big warning signs you should be worried she’s not serious about you. The signs she’s not serious about you can be seen on first dates, online dating, or somewhere in the dating process. Take heed to these big warning signs in dating and be sure to watch the entire video.

       
      • 0 replies
    • "Omg… I got my ex back with THIS text message!"
      Use these texts to get your ex back! In this video, I explain how one of my breakup coaching clients used a few specific text messages to get back with their ex. Learn WHEN to text your ex, WHAT to text your ex, and HOW to safely and effectively use my text message templates to get your ex back and stay together for good. Basically, this video covers exactly how to text your ex back into your arms....

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...