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So weird when online guys just disappear...


freeindeed
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Look, I understand... Guys are online to find various things, girlfriend, wife, GWB, ONS, friends, a beard. I get it, but it doesn't make it any less painful when they just disappear. You've spent time with the person, shared personal info with a practical stranger. One day they're there... texting, joking... everything seems okay... then it just stops, no explanation.

 

You know he's still alive because he's still logging onto the dating site, sometimes for hours at a time. So you figure, he's probably met someone else... and usually it's a supermodel that graduated magna cum laude from Harvard, who is super-confident and wealthy, right? *sigh*

 

I just wish there was some way to find out what happened... but there isn't.

 

Any stories of disappearing acts anyone wants to share...??

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I was emailing this one guy for like...3 months. We were planning to get together to meet. He was 50 and in PA. No kids but he was a "Big brother" at the Big Brother/Big Sister group. He seemed really cute. He was kind of cute too. We were emailing/texting...everything. Everything was going great. Then one day...NOTHING. I mean nothing. I heard crickets. He was logging onto the site. I sent him a "wink". He never responded so I just moved on but I was hurt.

 

I have no clue what made him bolt. I wasn't saying anything weird...I know he wasn't married either because I did a background check.

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Having never had an opportunity to "choose" between multiple women, I couldn't say, personally. But sometimes, someone of a better fit comes along. Or someone closer, or seemingly less/more of a challenge, etc. It could be literally anything from you were too upfront, to you didn't put out soon enough, to anything in between.

 

All I can say is that online dating allows people to be choosy, where these same people are someone different on the street. Don't take it too hard. Besides, it's *usually* easier for a woman to get another date.

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Oh... And I've never been on a dating site to find GWB. I can't say I've been looking for a FWB, but I certainly wasn't looking for George W...

 

This is funny to me.

 

Op, this happens a lot. I've done it to people and they've done it to me. I've had it done to me after I met them too.

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This is one of the reasons I have completely stopped Onlline dating.

 

Emotionally I could no longer deal with a guy being "sooooooooooo into me" and 5 secs later he has fallen off the face of the earth. It was doing my head in...

 

Yeah, I decided to stop doing the online thing as well... but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's not just with guys I met on the website.

 

I met a guy at a lounge last year. We emailed a lot, dated for a bit, and then the emails started dying off... and then I asked if there was anything between us and he said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Fast forward a year later... he is blissfully, happily engaged.

 

Another guy that I met through a friend... Almost the same thing, we emailed a bit, textd a little...went on several dates and then he just faded away too. He sent a couple random texts here and there but by that time I had moved on. To be honest, I think he only sent those texts because he was getting lonely. The guys on websites never contact you again because they can always find someone to atleast chat with them if they're even remotely attractive.

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OP in another thread you said someone disappeared after 2 weeks, one in this one said 3 months. You wonder why?? I could had met 10 others in 2 weeks in person, I could had met a good potential after 3 months in person much less online even if not looking very hard.

 

I realize safety is a issue, but after 2 weeks, and long before 3 months I would give up every single time. No matter what I thought about you. Only so much can be done to try to satisfy the safety issue, especially when going to meet in public in the first place.

 

When you meet a guy in person do you wait that long? If so anyone left dating you is desperate or dating everyone they can get a date with more than likely (IE, cant get a date, or is dating 10+ people - awesome choices left for you, not). What is the difference between the guy you seen and talked to for 10 minutes or so and the one you each have spent more than probably 20 minutes online writing back and forth?

 

Just stick to meeting people in person, online dating is most definitely not for you two.

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I was emailing this one guy for like...3 months. We were planning to get together to meet. He was 50 and in PA. No kids but he was a "Big brother" at the Big Brother/Big Sister group. He seemed really cute. He was kind of cute too. We were emailing/texting...everything. Everything was going great. Then one day...NOTHING. I mean nothing. I heard crickets. He was logging onto the site. I sent him a "wink". He never responded so I just moved on but I was hurt.

 

I have no clue what made him bolt. I wasn't saying anything weird...I know he wasn't married either because I did a background check.

 

Emailing for 3 months is nuts. You're 21 going for 50 year old? That's very weird IMO. You don't belong with a 50 year old, IMO. His conscience probably kicked in and he realized he was committing a social crime of sorts.

 

But hey, whatever floats that boat of yours.

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Emailing for 3 months is nuts. You're 21 going for 50 year old? That's very weird IMO. You don't belong with a 50 year old, IMO. His conscience probably kicked in and he realized he was committing a social crime of sorts.

 

But hey, whatever floats that boat of yours.

 

I prefer older men for a variety of reasons. My boyfriend is 58 and we are coming up on 2 years.

I don't know what you mean by "social crime". That's really weird.

 

I belong with my boyfriend and he with me. Let's not make this topic about my personal life choices and having strangers tell me I'm wrong when I wasn't seeking advice about my relationship in the first place. Thanks.

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I have had the same experience with guys just disappearing, in fact, I think one that I have been emailing with is doing that now... I try not to over-think it, but I always do, especially since I have been having trouble finding guys that I am attracted to. I am making an effort to look at more profiles and favorite the ones that look like they might be a good fit. Try to focus on moving forward and meeting the right guy, not the one who drops off the face of the earth!! Easier said than done, right?

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Just out of curiosity, for those of you who correspond with someone from an online site for months before you meet...why is that? As a woman, I too often have concerns for my safety when meeting men from online, but after two or three weeks (at most) I feel I have as much info on the person as I'm going to ever have as far as determining whether or not he's a homicidal psycho (not to be morbid, but a guy can continue to lie and mislead online for as long as he wants and you won't find out whether or not hes homicidal until you've met in person anyway, regardless of how long you've been corresponding online.) I just try to make sure our dates are as public as possible and be vigilant.

 

Also, for those of you who correspond for months with online guys...don't you lose interest after awhile too? Like, don't people come along IRL who pique your interest in the meantime, or something? I guess it's just that every time I've ended up chatting with a guy for months online without meeting in person for whatever reason (usually lack of intense interest or school obligations/location conflicts) I've always just assumed, if he dropped off the face of the earth, that he had met someone at work or at school who was more tangible than I was, or maybe someone from online who was willing to meet in person more quickly than I was, or put out more easily, or what have you...I just never assumed that it meant he had met some supermodel rocket scientist out of a James Bond movie that was "better" than me in some way....

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I don't understand the disappearing act at all. I just met someone through online dating, we have been in contact for 3+ weeks, 4 dates, then he just "poofs", he's gone. I really liked the guy and felt a connection that is hard to find. Ugh - just irritates me and would have hurt me less had he just been honest with me.

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I don't understand the disappearing act at all. I just met someone through online dating, we have been in contact for 3+ weeks, 4 dates, then he just "poofs", he's gone. I really liked the guy and felt a connection that is hard to find. Ugh - just irritates me and would have hurt me less had he just been honest with me.

 

This is what I am talking about.

 

Why drag out 4 dates if ur really not that keen. I know in the first date whether I want to further things with this person or not. I don't need to string the person along for 4 dates just to make my mind up. Again, back to the multi dating thing, they are obviously dating others at the same time.

 

In my opinion its just like "Thanks for wasting my time"

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Once you get to 4 dates you are heading into serious territory. If someone is not interested they should let people know before then. I get going on a second date because sometimes the first one was awkward. A fourth date just seems cruel because by then someone is usually falling or starting to and disappearing upsets them.

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Eh I'm guilty of doing this. Actually thinking of doing it currently. I think the thing is sometimes it's not so cut and dry. A LOT of the time I know after the first date whats up. Sometimes I'm feeling it and the other persons not sure. Sometimes it's mutual.

 

Currently I'm seeing someone that I like but I'm not too sure how I feel. Another date would be #3, and honestly before this thread I was thinking of going on it. Maybe it'd be easier to end it soon. I still don't think i'd disappear though. The disappear happens if you don't get in touch with me, and I'm not interested I won't get back in touch with you. If you're hitting me up, and I'm not interested I'll send a txt saying, "Hey I'm not sure we should date anymore, I think we'd be better as friends."

 

^ At least I hope that's good... any suggestions as to what YOU'D like to hear instead of the disappearing act?

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I think it's better to at least tell the other person "Hey, I don't think we are compatible. I'm sorry. I hope you find what you're looking for."

 

You don't even have to explain WHY. You just have to say that you're moving on so that way the other person can too.

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