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Thekid55's Healing Journal


thekid55
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Looks like my entire girl drama may start hitting the bricks now.

 

I went out with like 40 people last night for two of my friends' birthdays. None of the girls who I'm hanging out with went. Two of the girls who I have been hanging went to the same bar last night, so I definitely wasn't going there. Towards of the end of the night, 'E' who I have been hanging out with and sleeping with often, kept texting me nonstop. Wanting to see me, had her friends text me, blah blah blah. Kind of like the girl SA was seeing awhile back. Carbon copy.

 

I didn't answer any of her messages because I've hung out with her the last four nights in a row and I just needed some space. I really wanted to go see 'J' last night and that's where I wounded up. I hadn't seen her in awhile and it was good to catch up. Her and I had a heart-to-heart and she told me that she couldn't decide what to do when it came to me and her *cough* boyfriend. I told her that I didn't really have any expectations and I'm not making any demands of her. Seems to put her at ease. Plus, logistically, after we graduate in a month, we'll be 5 hours apart. Kinda tough.

 

Anyway, I slept over J's and E went on a rampage. She left me voicemails, texts, etc. She posted some crazy Twitter post in the morning saying that she was over it or whatever. And I'm like, my God. I've known the girl for a month, hooked up with her for like 2 weeks and she's freaking out about me? I texted her and told her she's gotta cool her jets and I just don't want any drama. We have a month to go here and I just want it to be fun. E apologized to me and stuff for getting mad or whatever. I honestly don't really care.

 

I knew this would eventually happen so I really can't even be mad.

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Hey Kid, I've read your posts now and then and your last couple got me to wondering something. You seem wildly successful in finding activities you love (do I remember right that you're even playing baseball? - roll the calendar back 25 years and I'd be right there with ya), you have a ton of buddies, and you have girls coming out of the cracks who want anything from having sex with you to being in a relationship with you. You've got it going on. I don't remember when was your BU, but it was a while (6-8 months? more?) ago, right? This is what I'm wondering... what else do you think you'll need to complete this journey of healing? Or are you healed, and you're just missing the closeness of being with the "right" girl?

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Hey Kid, I've read your posts now and then and your last couple got me to wondering something. You seem wildly successful in finding activities you love (do I remember right that you're even playing baseball? - roll the calendar back 25 years and I'd be right there with ya), you have a ton of buddies, and you have girls coming out of the cracks who want anything from having sex with you to being in a relationship with you. You've got it going on. I don't remember when was your BU, but it was a while (6-8 months? more?) ago, right? This is what I'm wondering... what else do you think you'll need to complete this journey of healing? Or are you healed, and you're just missing the closeness of being with the "right" girl?

 

I don't feel totally 'healed' yet. I don't post in here as often and I think that's a direct sign of my progress thus far. It's been 6 months since the breakup and roughly three months since we last spoke. I've seen her a few times in public, but we don't interact or anything.

 

Anyway, I feel like I have it all when I really don't. I can think of so many people who would love to be in my shoes right now. I'm graduating in roughly a month from a great college. I have good looks, great friends, a great personality, I'm always the main attraction anywhere I go. I have all of these different girls. I'm one of the only people that has a job lined up after graduation. I'm playing baseball again and I've always loved playing. I stopped playing for three years and my ex was the one that pushed me to play again. Essentially, the breakup pushed me over that hump to play again.

 

In a lot of ways, I realize that I never would have had some of these experience if I never had the breakup. I've made over 100 new friends since the breakup and I'm always in great company whenever I go out. I'll be the first to admit that my social life was definitely lagging as our relationship progressed. Anyway. I've gone on Spring Break (which I'll never forget), I've been to different events, sporting events, bars, clubs, huge parties, different countries. I never would have done any of this with her. I feel like I needed this time to find *thekid* again. I've totally redefined myself as a person and I feel like I have a clear head about things. I've dated a decent amount of girls, slept with probably too many, and have definitely focused 100% on myself.

 

I just feel empty though. As sad as it sounds, it's true. I feel like I gave my ex everything I had. I feel like I just can't feel anything from another girl. Even the sex I have now just feels empty and I'm having it frequently. I feel like I want to call my ex and tell her to give me my emotions back because honestly, they are gone. I had this girl tell me yesterday that I'm literally an emotionless being. Another told me that I'm ruthless now. They are both right. I'm completely different now.

 

In a nutshell, I've watched myself go from this 100% devoted, overly sensitive, introvert of a guy to this complete player, emotionless, extravert. I find myself lying/deceiving girls pretty often and I don't really feel remorseful about it.

 

People flock to me whenever I go out to clubs or bars or whatever and my phone is always going off with people who want to do stuff. This week, I've gone to two pro baseball games, an NBA game, and I have a ton of people coming to watch me play tomorrow. It's a great feeling being wanted by all of these people, but I want to give that one girl all of thekid again. I just don't know if that's possible.

 

P.S. I'm pretty proud of myself for starting this whole healing journal trend. I feel like a trend setter.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I haven't posted on here in about a week and a half. Things have been happening and I'm really, really happy with everything in my life.

 

'E' and I have been hanging out a ton and to be honest, the more I learn about this girl, the more I realize how great of a fit she is for me. Yes, she had that drunken, stupid episode that one night, but we all have our moments. She's very loyal, very fun, independent, and basically up for whatever, whenever. Our sex life is off the charts and I feel like she lets me just be 'thekid'. For once, I don't have to be the hovering, anxious 'boyfriend' like I was around my ex. My ex had so many damn issues that I always had to have my guard up when we went out in case she had a breakdown or whatever and we'd havta leave. With E, I feel like I can just let loose and have fun. E is always cooking for me, making me desserts, completely interested in my life. Girl is so hot too. She apparently lost 60 pounds a year ago and she's so dedicated to looking good and doing her thing. A girl like that gets the utmost respect from me.

 

Her and I aren't together, but we are dating each other. I've basically given up on all of the other girls I've been talking to and I told her that straight up. I was out of control for awhile and that just wasn't me. It was a good distraciton and definitely boosted my ego, but I just can't handle that. Her and I just chill and always get along well. She can't keep her hands off of me and I can just tell by how she looks at me. Next month, we are going as 'dates' to this undergrad commencement ball. We are going with all of our friends and it should be a great time.

 

Hanging out with a girl like E just shows me how flawed my ex was. E would do absolutely anything for me while my ex was always too caught up in her own emotional turmoil. Even tonight, E and I went to a baseball game on a whim and we had so much fun. We ate a lot of fun, but we split everything. With my ex, I always paid because she had money issues. I realize how much of a sucker I looked like back then. Anyway, we rotated beer runs and she even surprised me with a cotton candy that I was carving (stupid yes, but she wanted me to be happy and got it for me).

 

Going forward, logistics are not on our side. We are graduating in a month and we are both heading home. She's about 3 hours away and is going to Florida is September to do this six-month internship. She wants to come to NYC afterwards (where I'll be), so anything can happen. She wants me to come to Florida to visit and I definitely think I will. She has told me that she wants more from me, but for now, I think it's best to just keep doing what we are doing and not pushing.

 

Point of this post? There's always someone else out there that's a better fit than your ex. I rarely think of her now and E is just a super awesome girl who I feel like I can just be myself around. It's refreshing.

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Great to hear that your doing well with this new girl, she sounds like a huge step up from your ex. It's interesting, you've pined for your ex for some months but once you really get the realization that she's not all that you built her up to be, you find someone more suited to you. You've definitely come a long way thekid. Glad to see that your ex isn't consuming your mind anymore and that you've started to see potenital in other women, i.e. "E".

 

Good looks!

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Basically got rid of 'J' yesterday. I told her that I just didn't want to deal with the situation at all anymore. I was willing to try to move things along for awhile, but that just went stale. It's almost like a blast from the past is enjoyable for awhile, but then it gets stale again and original issues resurface. She was becoming way too much of a headache and having her around wasn't letting me progress with E. J wasn't going to drop her boyfriend and even if she did, I wouldn't want a relationship with her. I feel a big sense of relief.

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Hey kid, one thing really hit home for me, and that's you saying this girl is not selfish and actually wants to make sure you're happy. That was a big thing with my ex too, and very refreshing to hear your progress right now. Shows that if we just do us, anything is possible.

 

Hopefully things with E and you work out, and if they don't, at least you've had that epiphany that there's lots more out there. Glad to hear man, keep rollin'.

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Hey kid, one thing really hit home for me, and that's you saying this girl is not selfish and actually wants to make sure you're happy. That was a big thing with my ex too, and very refreshing to hear your progress right now. Shows that if we just do us, anything is possible.

 

Hopefully things with E and you work out, and if they don't, at least you've had that epiphany that there's lots more out there. Glad to hear man, keep rollin'.

 

I guess that's my big thing right now. How do I handle this situation? This is definitely a girl who is an absolute diamond and a great fit for me (almost too good to be true). The only issue? We are graduating college in a month, we will be at least three hours apart during the summer, and she's going to Florida in August for a six-month internship while I start my full-time career in NYC in July. She lives about an hour outside of NYC so we can always meet up and do that whole thing. She said that she wants to come home to NY after she's done in Florida, but who knows what could happen with that. She may love it down there, get an offer, and live there. Economy is tough right now and she'd be fortunate enough to get it.

 

We've known each other for about a month and a half now and I like her more and more each day. MIC is right, this is the first girl who is genuinely, 100% concerned about making sure I'm happy. It's her mission to make sure that I'm as happy as she is because she recognizes and appreciates what I do for her. She absolutely adores me and would do anything to make me happy. That's hard to find.

 

Physical relationship is off the charts and she's in such great shape. No ex-boyfriend, emotional baggage. She's completely honest with me about everything. It's like too good to be true.

 

I have all of the perks of a relationship with her right now, but I just want more. I just don't know if it's good decision for me, logistically and practically thinking. Is it worth getitng into a relationship with someone when there isn't a huge foundation and they are going away for a few months? Or is it worth being single, still talking to her, but potentially letting someone else sweep her off her feet? I'm torn here.

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Tough call man. Very tough. When is she leaving for the summer? I'm assuming you have exams either this month or the next? If I were in your position I'd keep hanging out with her, see what happens. How far of a drive would it be from NYC to wherever she is in Florida? Considering you're starting a new career etc, it might just not make sense. Right people, wrong time? So altogether you'd be apart for about 9 months, barring visits every month or so?

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The schedule going forward looks like this:

 

Classes, senior week, graduation: All of that is over by May 15th.

 

After all of that, we all go home to 'start our lives'. At this point, we are three hours away.

 

I start my full-time job in NYC (while living at home) in late June. My office is 1.5 hours away from her.

 

At the end of August, she leaves for Florida for six months. She wants me to come visit her a few times and I've told her that I will. I'd probably fly down there.

 

After those six months, who knows. She says she wants to come back home, but that's a long time away. Roughly a year from right now. I know that I'll be working in NYC for a long time and I want to move out of my home within two years. She has told me that she wants to work in NYC eventually so who knows. There's a lot of unknowns going forward. I know that I'll see her at grad parties and different times throughout the summer.

 

You may be right about the 'right people, wrong time' scenario here. It's almost like I'd just wanna let her go to Florida to see if she comes back and if our paths cross again. That seems to be the best bet, but I don't wanna have any regrets or second guess myself.

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Hey Kid, long time no talk. I haven't read every recent post, but I wanted to ask if you'd talked to the new girl about what SHE wants to do? It's possible that she has a clear idea of what she'd like to see happen with you guys during this time.. And it's also possible that she's thought of something that you haven't. I wouldn't bring it up right away.. As C_Unknown said; just live it with her for a while. But if it were me, I'd ask what she wanted before she leaves for Florida.

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Hey Kid, long time no talk. I haven't read every recent post, but I wanted to ask if you'd talked to the new girl about what SHE wants to do? It's possible that she has a clear idea of what she'd like to see happen with you guys during this time.. And it's also possible that she's thought of something that you haven't. I wouldn't bring it up right away.. As C_Unknown said; just live it with her for a while. But if it were me, I'd ask what she wanted before she leaves for Florida.

 

Hey TOF. Just to catch you up on things.

 

-Haven't spoken to my ex in months. Don't really know nor care (refreshing to hear right?). I never think about her anymore.

-I've basically slowed down from my craziness. I realized that I just couldn't handle that lifestyle for an extended period of time.

-I really, really like the new girl, E. You've probably read the last few in here, so you know that I think she's great.

 

Anyway, she tried having 'the talk' with me about two weeks ago. I told her that I thought we should just go with the flow. She seemed a little disapponted that I did not want to take things further with her. I referenced the relatively short time that we've known each other, the drama I dealt with my last relationship (I reassured her that that relationship was finished), and the fact that she's leaving for Florida in August. She didn't get upset or anything and she said that she was down to just go with the flow. It wasn't like she issued me some ultimatum. She just let it roll off her shoulders and she realizes how much I like her and vice versa.

 

Bottom line, She wants a relationship from me. She doesn't have a ton of relationship experience, which is fine, but that's basically what's going on right now.

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My advice would be to keep hanging out with her. You'll either be crazy about each other and thedistance for those few months won't matter, or you'll get bored of each other and it'll end. You have 5 months where you are in decent proximity with her - I think that will work just fine. This way you can get through the early stages and figure out what you want in time for her to leave. I think this is a great opportunity man, and it seems to come at the right time.

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Yo Kid! Been way too long... I've been super busy in the studio and everything... also, planning on moving to North Carolina with all of my business partners! Might happen sooner than later... it's been a crazy few weeks. Bad thing is.. that'd put me about an hour and a half away from my crazy ex girlfriend if I move to NC.... lol. Hopefully she'll never know, but it's certainly possible. Just so long as the stupid broad doesn't look me up.

 

Anyway, enough about me! Glad to hear about everything going on with you. New girl sounds like a great fit, man. I'm totally with MiC- just go at the pace you guys are going until it naturally ramps up. Don't overthink it. You guys DO have about 5-6 more months of being in close proximity, and I think the answers will reveal themselves as you go along. Just keep it smooth like you've been doing and let her know what's really good at the RIGHT pace. No one can tell you what things will be by August. So just chill and see where E goes.

 

I'm glad you're back on the saddle. I've been on the lookout for something new, but right now I'm kind of closing up shop. I know I might move, I'm ENTIRELY too busy, and it just doesn't seem right for me to be approaching women at the moment. We'll see how everything goes.

 

Good luck to you homie!

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Gotta agree with everyone here. My gut has been telling me to just go with the flow here and see what the heck happens. A lot of things can change and it's a good initial test to see what goes down. Both of us will be working full-time so that's a plus. We'll see, but I appreciate all of the love I'm getting in here from everyone.

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What up Kid. Gotta agree with everybody else on this one. Enjoy those 5 or so months and see where it goes. You never know what'll happen. If nothing else you're young single and in NYC. Can't complain about that, right? Glad to hear all is well.

 

Personally I have been doing well also. Crazy busy with the new job. Keep us all posted.

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Just checking in. Things have been going well. I'm graduating in two and a half weeks. Kinda crazy for me right now with all of the work and stuff going on. Took everyone's advice too about E. Just going with the flow. Not rushing into any relationships.

 

Back to E. She honestly treats me way better than any other girl has. She blows my ex out of the water in almost every regard. She has done almost anything that I've asked of her and she always satisfies me. She's a cute girl, but I don't know. She's not a stunning beauty, but she's not ugly either. Maybe I'm just saying this because I've only seen her in sweats recently because we've just been chilling at night and haven't gone out in two weeks due to Easter and all of that. That'll change this weekend.

 

Overall, I think it's unfair to compare girls because they are independent of each other, but E does everything that my ex never did, but my ex was more attractive, physically. I'm also surprised too that I haven't heard a peep out of my ex in three months now (the time she showed up unannounced). Wanting what's unattainable in that regard? Most likely. Hopefully things are going well for her

 

It's so easy with E and maybe I just don't know what a normal relationship is like after dealing with so many crazies in the past. It's like, I don't know how to handle normal if that makes any sense. I've given E bits and pieces from my past. She knows that I've only dealt with emotional, needy girls and is basically receptive and accepting of whatever I tell her. I've aired all of my dirty laundry about everything and she loves to learn more about me.

 

At the end of the day, I feel like all of this is too good to be true.

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I took the plunge and I decided that I wanted to see where things go with E. We are together now and honestly, I'm happy. I think a lot of my doubts stemmed from my past. I think I was mainly afraid of getting crushed like I did last time, but I learned and I know better. Things have been great with her for the last two months and I'm ready to get back at it, officially. I debated this for awhile and I decided that I wanted it. I've been healed for awhile and this was just a matter of doing what's best for me. Girl has all of the intangibles that I need. She's super sweet, down to Earth, completely trustworthy, no baggage, full of energy, always happy, can knock me back to Earth, etc. I feel like I could go on and on, but I'll stop there for now.

 

I'm still going to post here in here once inawhile, but the majority of work is done. I'm so excited to so many other healing journals start up after I started mine all the way back in November.

 

If you are just reading this now and going through heartache--What I can tell you all is, things do get better in time. Some ENAers saw and talked me through the toughest times. I can't remember how many times I sat at work, wondered 'what the hell is going on', and had good ole SA2000 talk me off the ledge. You have to be as optimistic as possible and just stay active. Once you fall into a rut, it's game over and you'll be back at square one. Hit the gym, meet new friends, reconnect with old ones. The same stuff is always rehashed here, but it works. As repetitive as it is, it's true.

 

Get back out there. Be social. Date. Hookup. Cry. Laugh. Become A Better You.

 

Thank you everyone and thank you mainly to SA, C_Unknown, GetOverItPlz, TOF and everyone else. You all know where to find me if you need anything.

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Just wanted to add this piece for any still pining over their exes wondering about them. Whatever.

 

One of my good friends messaged me today, said how happy she was for me, etc. The only reason why I'm good friends with her is because I met her through my ex. My ex and her used to be super close, but had some issues and are no longer friends. She's always been on my side during the breakup. She'll message me every once in awhile about the ex and we'll just laugh about dumb things.

 

Anyway, my relationship was displayed on Facebook maybe two days ago (stupid Facebook yes) and it got resounding approval from everyone. Well, my friend messaged me and said that my ex had two different status over the last day..Both of them basically implied me.

 

"it's like a bandaid you've already pulled it off and are healed without it. Your better than evaaaaa"-Her friend posted this to her and she made this her status. Clear fakeness here because she hasn't moved on.

 

Then today.

 

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next."

 

Spare me.

 

Her and I haven't been friends on Facebook in about six months and she's had me blocked on there for the last few. She dropped the block recently because we are both 'attending' the same Facebook event.

 

So why did I post this? It just goes to show that exes still think about us and are just as affected by the breakup. My ex will one day realize what she lost, but I've also realized that I can't be 'thekid' with her. I let her turn me into something that I'm not and something that I absolutely hate. I don't want that person back and I never will. I've done a complete 180 with my life and I can honestly say that I've never been happier. There's no point in going backwards when great things are here in my present and will be in my future.

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"it's like a bandaid you've already pulled it off and are healed without it. Your better than evaaaaa"

 

lol, just keep walking the road you are traveling. You know what to do and yeah please don't revert back to what you were, I will knock the taste out of your mouth if you do.

 

C

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Congrats on the new relationship thekid, you've come a long way. It's great to see that you've 100% healed and have moved on from this girl. Your doing so much better now that you've gotten you back and can accomplish whatever you set your mind too.

 

You healed after a 2.5 year relationship. Shows courage and strength. I respect that.

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First of all, congratulations on the new relationship

 

But I wanted to point this out to you:

 

So why did I post this? It just goes to show that exes still think about us and are just as affected by the breakup.

 

The fact that you noticed this on her Facebook, thought about the meaning behind it, and wrote about it and how she's dealing with the breakup shows that she's obviously not the only one still affected by the breakup. Don't get cocky, Kid.

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