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Thekid55's Healing Journal


thekid55
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Well I'm back. A few days early anyway.

 

I've had one of the best weekends here in awhile. One of my old room mates came back to college for the weekend and we had a great time. I went out on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Each night kept getting better. Yesterday, we had our last huge Thanksgiving dinner together. It's been an annual thing for the last four years and this was our last one. Everyone had a grea time laughing, joking around, and basically just having a great time. We've all stuck together for the entire time in college and it was bitter-sweet. Some of us went out last night and we all had a great time.

 

This morning, we all got up early to play football. I really can't believe that we all got up in time to play and some of us were still kind of drunk from last night. Anyway, we had a great time.

 

As for my ex, no contact on either of ends during the week. NC for 8 days now. I saw one of our friends last night and we started to talk about my ex at this bar. She told me that my ex has really fallen apart since we broke up. She quit her babysitting job, which really makes me angry. She has big-time money issues and she just can't afford to not do the job. The job was an early morning job and she was making good money each week. Apparently, she told our friend that the job was 'too much', but when we were together, she was all for the job. She wanted to work hard. She was dedicated in getting herself together. Now that I'm gone, it's like that doesn't matter anymore.

 

My friend also told me that a few weeks before we broke up my ex told her that she wanted to move in with me, post-grad and how she was going to try to convince her Mom that it'd be a smart thing, even though her Mom is religious. It's just a little surreal what's going on now.

 

My friend also made a good point about her. She said, 'Is there anyway you could trust her again after this? Even though you guys agreed to this, you wanted to see her and work on things. She just ran. Could you trust her not to run again?' I really don't know.

 

The quality of people she hangs with now are so low-quality. It's almost like she wants to surround herself with people who she thinks she is better is, just to feel better about herself. It raises her self-worth. All of the people who have been her equals or helped her (me, our mutual friend), she has pushed out of her life. People who have treated her poorly, seem to get her attention and time. It's definitely a self-esteem thing.

 

I want to believe that she still is a great person. I know deep down underneath all of the garbage, that she is. Does she have the motivation and willpower to raise herself up?

 

I know that this is MY healing journal, but I care a lot about her well-being. I worry a lot about her, but there's nothing I can do to help her.

 

She hasn't rebounded. She isn't dating. She is really doing a lot of things with her sorority and people in it. The people are so low-quality in it...

 

Any comments are appreciated.

Edited by thekid55
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Good to see that you are taking care of yourself and doing things for you. The only thing i can say is let her be. If she contacts you then go from there. Kid, you care about her, like i do mine but if she's not going to make the effort to call you, message you or anything else your just going to have to let it be.

 

Im proud of you going out and having fun with friends. Possibly next time with your mutual friends just don't let them bring her up.

 

I want to believe that she still is a great person. I know deep down underneath all of the garbage, that she is. Does she have the motivation and willpower to raise herself up?

 

Im in the same situation, And i just let it go.

 

The quality of people she hangs with now are so low-quality. It's almost like she wants to surround herself with people who she thinks she is better is, just to feel better about herself. It raises her self-worth. All of the people who have been her equals or helped her (me, our mutual friend), she has pushed out of her life. People who have treated her poorly, seem to get her attention and time. It's definitely a self-esteem thing.

 

God man you care so much.

 

Kid you haven given me great advice in the past couple of weeks. It's not your job or responsibility to watch her actions or who she hangs out with. Your doing the right thing by not contacting her. Be strong man.

Edited by C_Unknown2005
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One of my best qualities is also one of my biggest downfalls: the depth and level that I care about people.

 

I trust people very easily, but when someone breaks my trust or turns their backs on me, I'm finished with that person. I've had no problems pushing these types of people out of my life and never looking back. HOWEVA

 

The people who I think NEED my friendship, love, or compansionship, I just can't let them go. My ex is the perfect example of this notion. She is such a flawed person that I have convinced myself that she needs me if she wants to live a great life. However, I've realized that this type of thinking and behavior is irrational. I love her endlessly, but I don't love her more than I love myself.

 

Codependency is something that I am trying break free from. I make progress each day, but it's going to be a long process.

 

Side Note I've been reading my horoscope each day. I've been trying not to force my life into these readings, but they have been eeriely similar to my life right now. Here's the for me today:

 

Your surroundings are currently changing, Sagittarius. Perhaps your circle of friends has already undergone a major change. The fact is that you no longer have so many prejudices about the people you meet, and no longer seek only a certain type of person as a friend. You accept whoever comes along. You may not realize it, but your attitude is completely different now than it once was. Good for you!

 

100% accurate. I've made so many new friends in the last few weeks. Prior to my breakup, I never would have been friends with these people. Now, I'm thankful for them. I also have been very narrow minded in my selection of friends as well. I've broken free of that as well. I'm doing a lot of new things as well.

 

I still have my same, solid group of friends that I've always had, but I've added so many new people and activities to the mix.

 

Tomorrow's?

 

The day ahead won't be easy, Sagittarius. A glimpse at your love life reveals that you will be bridling at certain inhibitions. You long for peace and stability, and at the moment everything is in suspense. Use the day ahead to gain some perspective on the situation. Until the ice melts and the flow of events resumes, why not devote your energy to some other endeavor?

Edited by thekid55
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It's Codependency. We smother, overanalyze, sometimes obsess about the other person. We think they NEED our love.

 

I recommend reading astrocafe about who you are. It's probably more accurate of who you are.

 

You're right, it is definitely codependency. I wonder if it would be better if two people are co-dependents on each other.

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It's Codependency. We smother, overanalyze, sometimes obsess about the other person. We think they NEED our love.

 

YEP, That said's it all.... My relationship was based on codependency... Just took a couple of weeks for figure that one out.

 

The_seeker:

A serious relationship (in my opion) is based on co-dependents on some level

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I recommend reading astrocafe about who you are. It's probably more accurate of who you are.

 

You're right, it is definitely codependency. I wonder if it would be better if two people are co-dependents on each other.

 

The only problem with that is, when one person starts to check out of the relationship, the other person will get crushed when they are ultimately broken up with.

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Had a pretty good day today.

 

I'm really starting to feel like myself.

 

I know that ENA is littered with stories of people getting dumped and their partner immediately rebounding.

 

My situation is not like that at all.

 

I guess my ex has 'rebounded' to a new group of girlfriends. Obviously a novelty. She knows all of my moves, how I'll react in situations, etc. I'm working on making changes for the better for my next relationship.

 

So my question?

 

Do you think it matters if your ex rebounds to another partner or not? If it does, why?

 

Just trying to see what people think when an ex does not rebound.

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Had a pretty good day today.

 

I'm really starting to feel like myself.

 

I know that ENA is littered with stories of people getting dumped and their partner immediately rebounding.

 

My situation is not like that at all.

 

I guess my ex has 'rebounded' to a new group of girlfriends. Obviously a novelty. She knows all of my moves, how I'll react in situations, etc. I'm working on making changes for the better for my next relationship.

 

So my question?

 

Do you think it matters if your ex rebounds to another partner or not? If it does, why?

 

Just trying to see what people think when an ex does not rebound.

 

I don't know if my ex rebounds on someone else or not. LOL I haven't been on facebook because I deleted the account.

 

If my ex rebounds to another, then I know for a fact that I would give him the toughest option that I plan to use if he asked me back. I'm not a saint and I'm not going to play nice and sympathy card. It was his choice. I am not in control of him.

 

If my ex doesn't, it just shows he was hurt like I am and that we're probably thinking what went wrong. Yes, he and I think very much alike.

 

We'll see what happens.

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It's hurts to be replaced kid, Like you I put my heart and soul into the relationship thinking that she was the one for me. I was so in a love drunk with this girl that I didn't see the end coming. I'm not perfect nor will ever be I had my moments in the relationship that I wish could have been different but it's over. It hurt's because you feel like all the effort and love you put in didn't matter. Heck, through out the relationship i would call everyday to wake her up and call to say goodnight, I would open the car door for her anywhere we went to. And every-time i said "I love you" I meant it.

 

It hurts because for me I loved her mind and her flaws. I loved her soul.

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A friend just told me about my ex's Facebook wall.

 

Apparently her room mate (who is a huge skank), wrote on her wall 'Get. It. In'

 

She replied saying 'Inappropriate. I hate you'

 

Her roomate 'Love you!'

 

Sigh.

 

Dude don't read into anything. ANYTHING!! It could just be an inside joke, which it probably is. Trust me on this, I've gone through the exact same thing. * * * * ing facebook.

 

BTW, it ALWAYS turned out to be an inside joke.

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Your friends don't need to talk to you about your ex... That's just fuel to the fire and that's a quote from Jersey Shores. I know I used to watch the show with the ex. Your mutual friends need to stop talking about her for your own sake. That would kill me to know what she's doing so I distance myself from certain people to avoid conversations about the ex. I also asked them to not bring it up. I think you need to do the same. Like the millions of post that we look for answers the less we know, the better we are off. I'm feeling good right now (lol thank god)

 

Make a list.

1: Who your mutual friends are.

2: If they bring it up ask them not to.

3: Don't bring her up

4: Distant yourself if you need to.

5: Don't show your hurting because they would more then likely tell her.

 

That's all i can say because that's what I've been doing.

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Get it In is a jersey shore reference to getting some action, or getting it in. Maybe shes trying to get it in with someone, maybe the roomate got it in and was sharing - as usual, with all FB updates, they are meaningless.

 

I agree with others - tell your friends not to provide you with FB updates.

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Thanks for the replies.

 

Honestly, I think it was just a joke. Probably some guy was trying to hit on her or something that she wasn't interested in. The room mate likes to stir the pot anyway.

 

I know the Jersey shore reference well. It means hooking up, etc.

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I'm healing, but I'm tired of being without you.

 

I did a lot of things wrong in our relationship and I'm going to hold up my end of the bargain. I'm working on myself. I'm pretty much happy again. I've made new friends, really worked on myself, improved things that you hated. I'm not completely there yet, but I'm getting there.

 

Are you working on yourself? Are you holding up your end of the bargain or are you just running away?

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