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Thekid55's Healing Journal


thekid55
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Talked to one of my good friends tonight. Her and I may talk once every few weeks. Whenever she messages me though, I know she has some story that she wants to tell me about my ex. So I buckled up and listened to her talk. She and my ex used to be super tight, but their friendship fell apart when we broke up. My friend can't stand her now and kept telling me about how low quality she has become.

 

A few quick points that she made:

 

-My ex has become the laughing stock around campus. My friend was sitting in the library today, just doing some work. My ex came up to her randomly and said hi. Friend said hi back and she noticed that my ex made it a point to walk around the library aimlessly talking to any people she has/had been associated with. Almost like she didn't truly belong to one group so she had to bounce around.

 

-My friend said my ex tacked on a lot of weight. Woof.

 

-My friend said that the douche ex that my ex hangs with now apparently hooks up with a lot of younger girls and her. She even said that my ex goes over his house all the time and kind of serves as a 'c0ck bl0ck'. The girl is obsessed with her ex just because he has rejected her relationship requests so many times.

 

-My friend said that the douche does cocaine now. Now, I'm from a small town where no one does drugs. At least, I never knew about it nor had any interest in it. I sat there and thought about that statement just for a second. I realized that this dude is so unstable with the drugs, he apparently had a huge fight break out at his house last weekend, he never gives into her, etc etc. that there's no way I would ever want to be that unstable. But since my ex really doesn't know how to be stable, the craziness is most likely a turn-on to her. She wants to try to conquer someone who is 'unconquerable?' I know women base most of their decisions off of emotion, but I can't compete with chaos when I love having my stability in my life.

 

I'd always be worried if she'd just pack up and leave again if I wasn't chaotic enough for her. I gave her the best of me and she was truly changing for the better to only fall back into the ugliness.

 

You know, she tried to do stable, normal, etc. for the years that she was with me, but I've realized that you can't change the stripes on a zebra. She is what she is and she's going down the same path that her Mom did with her crazy, psychotic, alcoholic father.

 

Time for me to find someone new.

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Yep. Time to hit the ol' dusty trail. This case is closed. As much as I know you want to help her, she has to want to help herself. It will probably take years before she realizes what she had. By then you will be LONG gone. You'll find more mature women. Trust me on that one.

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This would be good news to me if I heard it about my ex, but unfortunately that's not the case. Let her make her own decisions, if this is what she wants to do, then that's fine, it has nothing to do with you now. She's the one missing out on you, that's her own fault now and she'll realize that she lost you at some point down the road. Good for you though thekid, standing strong and holding your own ground, keep it up bud.

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This would be good news to me if I heard it about my ex, but unfortunately that's not the case. Let her make her own decisions, if this is what she wants to do, then that's fine, it has nothing to do with you now. She's the one missing out on you, that's her own fault now and she'll realize that she lost you at some point down the road. Good for you though thekid, standing strong and holding your own ground, keep it up bud.

 

What would be good news?

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That the rebound ex is such a let down compared to you. He does cocaine, kicks her out and treats her awful, sooner or later she'll realize that she's being treated like dirt, but when she does you'll be long gone. I'd be happy to hear that the ex's current fling or whatever you wanna call it is miserably failing.

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That the rebound ex is such a let down compared to you. He does cocaine, kicks her out and treats her awful, sooner or later she'll realize that she's being treated like dirt, but when she does you'll be long gone. I'd be happy to hear that the ex's current fling or whatever you wanna call it is miserably failing.

 

Well, she used to date this kid three years ago. They dated for like 2 months, he basically just flat out stopped talking to her, and I don't think she ever fully moved on from it. She hangs with him now and wants to date him again, but he just wants to use her so that's her fault.

 

I ended up having to go to campus a few minutes ago to buy a ticket for an event. As soon as I walk in, she's standing at the table with her room mate selling tickets. We didn't even say anything to each other, but she left immediately. I hate running into this girl like that

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Well, she used to date this kid three years ago. They dated for like 2 months, he basically just flat out stopped talking to her, and I don't think she ever fully moved on from it. She hangs with him now and wants to date him again, but he just wants to use her so that's her fault.

 

I ended up having to go to campus a few minutes ago to buy a ticket for an event. As soon as I walk in, she's standing at the table with her room mate selling tickets. We didn't even say anything to each other, but she left immediately. I hate running into this girl like that

 

I know exactly what your talking about, running into the ex gets so annoying at times. At one point you tell them you love them everyday, and now their just another stranger in your life, funny how things work right?

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Well, I didn't get the job I was going after. I found out today. It's just frustrating when you do a great job as an intern and that experience doesn't turn into a full-time gig. I guess that it's just not meant to be and another route will open up for me the near future. Just sucks when you devoted the last year to going and it doesn't materialize.

 

Call me blessed or even lucky, but I've never experienced failure at anything in my life. Sports, grades, friends, girls, etc. I was always at the top. Always the best. I've always gotten anything or anyone that I've put my mind to. However, over the last few months, I've been greatly humbled. I thought my ex and I were working towards a committment together and I thought my internship at the time would materialize into a full-time gig. I was wrong on both accounts. Maybe that's just a blessing in disguise and I have a better path to go down.

 

I called my Mom tonight and voiced my displeasure with the job. She told me that I just need to keep my eye on the prize and I still have three months to go before I graduate. Things will open up and you just have to deal with rejection better. Guess I'm just being a little to sensitive right now.

 

Other than that, I went to this 'Stop Light' party tonight. I was the only one wearing yellow and I thought it was hilarious. Everyone kept asking about the yellow and I just told them that I'm 'complicated to begin with' and I didn't feel like getting hit on tonight. I felt like wearing green would demonstrate low value, but hey, whatever. Not a huge deal. One of my closest female friends has been coming onto me. She's not someone who'd I ever date seriously, but she wants to 'hang out'. We'll see what happens, but I'm tired of just hooking up with girls. I've hooked up with eight girls since my ex and I broke up and it hasn't made me feel better.

 

Even though my ex and I have now gone over three weeks NC, it honestly doesn't feel that long. It feels super short for some reason. I'm starting to realize that she just wants me for validation purposes. When she gets kicked down, she wants me to build her back up because I helped build her into a better person when we were together. Or so I thought. But for real though, she was a much better person when we dated. She has just dramatically regressed since we broke up and that's her own fault. I'm not her babysitter or anything, so she has gotta get her crap together. I'm not going to be her emotional tampon.

 

I want some stability on the girl and job front.

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Just rolled in now after a crazy night. I hung out with my one of my buddies for the first time in awhile. Him and I have been friends for the last two years at school. He was telling me that he and my ex have gotten super tight. He is dating one of her best friends and is always around her. For some reason, she is choosing to confide in him about this stuff when she already knows we are tight. He told me that she is really upset because no guys want to date her, see her, etc. Apparently that fling or whatever with douche bag fizzled out because he started to like some other chick. He said that he knows for sure that they never slept together and that she hasn't had sex with anyone since we broke up. In addition, she's in a sorority and they had one of those auction nights to raise money for charity where the people get auctioned off for dates. Well, no one bid on her and she was humiliated. She apparently told him too because the night she showed up crying at my apartment. He said that she and I described it to him word for word. He didn't really understand why she did it either, but she told him that she just felt upset for hurting me.

 

Basically, he said that he can tell she has a ton of issues and that he thinks we just aren't right for each other. She used to the crazy lifestyle while I'm more laidback, like stability, etc.

 

In a weird way, this whole situation is so ironic. I never would have done baseball again, met all of the new friends, etc etc if we stayed together. However, now that we are broken up, we have a ton of mutual friends in common again. We'd mesh perfectly with my buddy and his g/f. It's just crazy how all of this works out and it makes me want her back even more. I feel like I have stability (minus a job offer) and diversity needed in my life. I just want that crazy strong, best friend/lover bond back with her and I'd honestly do anything to feel that again. I feel empty and hallow without it.

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SO maybe one day you will get back with her...does it make you feel better knowing she hasn't slept with anyone?

 

I mean, yes and no. Of course no guy wants a girl who he has feelings for to sleep with another dude. But at the same time, she hasn't experienced other people yet while I've gone back out there and dated around. She'd never truly appreciate me and miss me until she experiences someone else. I think she assumes that every guy that likes her now will just treat her like I treated her and she's in for a rude awakening if she thinks that's the case.

 

My buddy says that he thinks she knows that no one else would ever treat her better than I ever did. And the fact that I'd never hurt her. He thinks that she doesn't feel like she's worthy of me and truly felt bad about the whole thing.

 

I don't want any sympathy because people don't feel attracted to people who they feel sympathy for.

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Well I think your ex DEFINITELY missed out on a great guy. In my experience, it's really hard to meet genuine guys who want a relationship and are ready for it. Kid, you sound like a great guy and any girl would be lucky to be with you. Your ex doesn't see this right now but she will. I promise that.

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well my ex feels this exact way, she think every guy is gonna treat her as good as i did.. guys before me treated her like crap. and 13months together, she feels a little diff now.. its why i think its best to let them go. no more going back and forth for me.. let them go and let her see how guys will treat her.. maybe she will find someone that treat her better, then i will be happy for her..

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I'm starting to realize that most women base their decisions off of their current emotions rather than pure logic. Granted, some logic does go into decision making processes for women, but women live for the moment.

 

Key example: I could call my ex right now, list off all of my amazing qualities, and she won't want to date me. Why? Because even though she knows I'm right about all of that stuff, she just doesn't 'feel' it for me. She may never 'feel' it again for me.

 

Over the 4.5 months that we've been broken up, I've upped my game so much. I look better, dress better, go out a lot more now. A huge sticking point that we had was, I didn't like to go out to bar/clubs/whatever as much as she did. And I didn't have a huge social circle, either. Now, I have that social circle and I love going out to the bar/clubs/etc.

 

Who knows what the future will hold, but I do know that I'm ready for it.

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Kid

 

My ex ur sound the same.. there Def run off of emotion my ex especially her dad even warned me 6 months ago.. she went thru 5 diff emotions with me over just the last week.. and just on thur she told me ur the perfect gut in all ways but I can't fully be with u know.. she saw the logic of what made us great. But she is ruled by her emotions..

 

And even though she sees me as perfect who knows if her emotions will ever allow her self to come back to me..

 

She will meet some loser, and let her emotion run wild with the thoughts of him.. id like to think when these girls mature a little they will balance emotion and logic together but who knows. It her emotions thst gotten her in trouble and with the wrong guys..

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Just got in from the bar. Completely done with the new girl. She was with that new kid tonight and I'm not tryna get involved in a situation. Too many other girls out there. I texted my other girl but she wasn't getting back until late because she had a game. She told me not to be mad at her, but still I'm a little mad. I texted my friend and told him that I hated my ex because I hate the single life. I want someone stable again. I need that bond that I share with my ex again. Whether it be with her or not be with her, that's a huge gap in my life that I need fillled again.

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bro ,didn't i tell u and the others that u guys are not yet ready? and what did i get for a response? some blah blah blah s...t

 

it's all good. i still like how you're thinking Kid.

 

You are right. I'm not ready yet. I can walk around the bar, get looks, winks, a few even grabbed my a$$. But I just, I don't know. I don't approach yet because I'm not ready to. I know that I could have pulled a few different girls out of there last night, but I wasn't feelin it for some reason.

 

I guess whenever anyone brings up my ex, it messes with me big time so I gotta tell people not to bring her up anymore. I've seen her around 4 out of 7 days this week and someone has mentioned her to me on days when I haven't seen her so I've basically had a week full of ex. Definitely not good for my healing.

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It's going to take a minute but you'll start to feel a whole lot better. Yeah you'd like that solid partner in life but when you get to the point where you realize you don't need a partner at all you'll feel a whole lot better. That's when you're ready.

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I'm honestly glad to see this up and down emotion from you man. You've clearly grown so much from this experience, and it really shows. Take it for what it is, a learning experience. Looking at it from the outside, you ex is no good for you. She's not emotionally mature, nowhere near close to you. At this time in life, she's not right for you. She may never mature, and that's a fact we all must accept about our ex.

 

It would be so much different if any of us were abusive, immature, etc. our faults were that we cared too damn much. Now we know better. And still, at that, it's not a fault of ours. It's how we were raised. To treat women well..nothing wrong with that.

 

Stay strong man, don't let these new flakey chicks get you down.

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The girl with the boyfriend (Call her J) just left here a few minutes ago. She came over after she went out and we hung out/fell asleep for awhile. She's super affectionate with me, which has been fun, and she's really, protective? of me, which she has gotta chill. She asked me how many girls I slept with this weekend and I just changed the subject. She kept getting mad that I wouldn't answer, but she's not my girlfriend and if anything, she has the boyfriend in this case. I can tell she has obvious feelings for me while I'm just staying aloof about the whole thing and realizing the situation for what it truly is. Clock is ticking on it.

 

Other than that man, I'm finished with that new girl. She was a crappy kisser and had no 'skills' either. She was a good distraction for about a month, but she was way too erratic for me. One day, she's upset because she doesn't want to 'lose me' and the next day, she's jumping into a cab with some dude after the bar closes. Good thing I had a very, very small investment in her. I deleted her number too because hey, I don't need the hassle.

 

Doing my best not to wonder/think what my ex is up to, but last night I just sat there and thought about things. I think I'm starting to realize that I enjoy the chase more than actually being with her. If I got her, I wouldn't know what to do with her. Kind of like a dog chasing a car. Starting a new relationship with her would be a crap load of work and I'd be super skeptical from the start. Plus my emotional investment would have to be on point and I don't know about that..

 

Here's to the start of a good week.

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Morning kid.

 

My advice...Stop Chasing Girls, Stop trying to feel loved... Be happy man after 5 months away from my ex I doing what I always wanted to do and that's to become a semi-pro cyclist. I haven't been I a date with anyone in a month and i'm kinda glad. I keep reading you journal and seeing your talking to so so and what not but come on man your not happy as an individual.

 

Stuff takes time You know this

C

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I agree with C_Unknown. Playing the field and hooking up is fun, but it's a distraction. You're starting to see how, once that distraction is gone, you've still got the same old problems to deal with.

 

The real work you've got ahead of you is the work you need to do on yourself. Rather than looking for someone to love, take the time to make sure you are lovable. No more of this "player" attitude if you are honestly hoping to find a good girl to have a connection with.

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