Ex has agreed to try again

[sadchick83]

Ok so the ex and I BU 3 months ago. For about the last 2 months we have been in light contact, seeing each other about once a week. There were a few scraps, but only when we discussed reasons behind our break up. We were together for 14 months, the last 6 living together.

 

We both ended up buying houses. He has been helpful in the renovation process of my house and I helped him with financing for his house-- we will both make money on each other's transactions.

 

After a disagreement about 2 weeks ago. I basically called it quits. I metioned I liked being in a relationship, my first choice was with him, but eventually it would be with someone else. He kinda said I was ruining the moment....anyway that night we each went our separate ways.

 

Early the next day, he called, apologized for his behavior, and said he DID want to try again. During the following week we did all the paperwork for the purchase of his home. He was starting to call me everynight on his drive home--was really sweet etc.

 

Saturday night (Halloween) he bangs on my door at 2:00 am. I told him I could not sleep withhim but he could stay over if he wanted to. The next day he took me for brunch, was holding my hand, he even got my dog who was waiitng in the car a slice of bacon...AND, he invited me for Christmas , his family Christmas at his new house.

 

---- now for the good part----

 

Apparently 2 hours prior to coming to my house, he was at a Halloween party. I had just gone to my hairdresser a few days prior, who was also at the party, who I told "we were going to try again." She calls me and say she met him, and it went like this:

 

Hairdresser: Aren't you _ _'s boyfriend?

 

Him: "EX-boyfriend."

 

Hairdresser: "No, no where is she? I thought you were going to try again?""

 

So, I found this out on Tuesday, obviously after slept over/took me to brunch.

 

He didn'tt call me until Thursday night of last week. I didn't return the call until the next day...rememer, I am doing business with him, so I cant fully ignore his calls.

 

Him (after I returned the call) : DIDNT YOU SEE THAT I CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT?

 

Me: ahhhh yea ...

 

Him: Oh just kidding, maybe I will pop by this weekend to look at you house for the renos.

 

I cut the call short--said I was busy at work...

 

 

Saturday: So, I was a bit upset that last Saturday was Halloween, did not do anything, stayed in on Friday...spent Saturday afternoon miserable and decided at about 4:00 pm I would take a business friend up on an offer-- he was opening a swanky new nightclub. I was almost going to go by myself, but remembered an old highschool guy friend would probably like to go....I got it all set up by 4:00pm..I finally started to feel better

 

DAMMIT pm (him text) "Hey what are you up to tonight"

 

** This is the first time since BU he has asked me out on a Saturday night.***

 

Me 10:00 pm---going to _ _ street, then __'s new nightclub is opening tonight.

 

 

Usually we text each other/call each other back at fast speed....I know he has not been with anyone else, neither have I in the last 3 months.

 

A friend of his did some business with me and asked how we were--I said "we split." So I guess, I too said it...it just didnt get back to him.

 

 

OK guys, please advise...was this too much that I said I went to this guys nightclub? I am still kind mad he called me his "ex" even though we said we were trying again....perhaps that's why he rolled out the red carpet when he came over. My hairdresser really laced into him.

 

Or, am I blowing this out of proportion?? I only wished I waited another 2 hours, I would have loved to go have gone with him...DId I do serious dammage here?

 

He has always been one to make his plans last minute...he works really long hours.

 

Please advise

[SapphireNoir10]

Maybe trying again to him means taking it slow, dating again and not necessarily labelling it straight away. Maybe you need to see where you stand with him. It all sounds very confusing.

[Ms Darcy]

So, he's called you his ex? It means he sees you at his ex.

 

If I were you, I'd relax since he's the guy you want. Just take things one day at a time.

[sadchick83]

Any of the men out there have an opinion? (Thank you ladies)

[Kevo]

So the night he came over at 2am was Halloween night? The same night that he texted you to see what you were up to and you went to the club opening? If so, maybe he got nervous/insecure about your evening out and that's why he came over? It might have been based more in that fear than his feeling bad about calling you his ex.

 

I think if you're going to try again you might need to make some headway too. He plans last minute which doesn't work for you. At the same time you can't just not make plans, hoping that he'll call you and want to do something. So why don't you offer to do something in advance and then do your thing until date night comes around? From a place of strength of course, so maybe after not talking for awhile when he'll likely jump at the chance.

 

I agree with SapphireNoir that you need to start fresh.

[sadchick83]

Hi Kevo,

No, He came over on Halloween, on the 31st...he texted me and the club opening was this past Saturday.

[DN]

I would not place to much emphasis on what he said to the hairdresser - he may not appreciate his private relationship stuff being gossiped about and was trying to shut her down.

 

i think it was a mistake to go out with that other guy. You need to sort out what is happening with your boyfriend.

[Ariel85]

I think you guys need to sit down and decide mutually what "trying again" means to both of you. It sounds right now like the lines are blurred, but this is something a good talk could clarify.

[sadchick83]

Thanks guys, the other guy was just an old friend....I have known him for years and I was just tired of sitting in on Saturday night for the past 3 months.

 

I have only had "Saturday night" plans twice in the last 3 months. At 4:00 I decide to stop being upset, call this old highschool friend. My usual Saturday nights consist of me helping my elderly parents with chores around their house, because my brother and sister live far away and are too busy/ have their own busy lives.

 

I feel like my impulses kill everything...I was so sad all day Saturday, so I finally got enough energy to call the old friend, and look what happens? Two hours later he texts to ask what I am doing!

 

Have I ruined my chances?

[MakeItCount]

I think you guys need to sit down and decide mutually what "trying again" means to both of you. It sounds right now like the lines are blurred, but this is something a good talk could clarify.

 

Agree with this completely. You don't have a clear answer right now, and you need to set boundaries.

 

Don't worry about going out with your old friend. Don't apologize for this. He sees you have your own life and aren't all hung up on it and now he's getting scared he'll lose you. I don't think you screwed anything up, I think you gave him a kick in the ass.

[sadchick83]

Thanks MakeItCount,

 

You made me feel a lot better....he just knows I went to the opening of a (married)friend's club..he doesnt know who I went with...he probably thinks it was with one of my girlfriends.

 

You know it is true what they say...these guys can SMELL when you stop waiting for them to call...like 2 hours in my case!

[sadchick83]

Ok Everyone, here is an update,

 

He called me today at 7:52 am...some lame question about a lawyer. I had just come in from a run, so I was feeling great!

He mentioned how the whole world is depressed (but not him)...anyway, after a nice convrsation he asked "Are you mad at me?"

 

Honestly, I didnt feel like bringing it up, so I said "no." When I see him I might tell him he did hurt my feelings and that we need to chat about what "trying again means" as a few posters have mentioned.

 

Anyway, we have a tennis date for Thursday!

 

It just goes to show you, having a bit of a life, making plans without him has him calling at 7:52 am on a Tuesday morning!

Ignoring him, being non chalant works. I was nice, just took 20x the normal time to get back to him. Believe me, this was so painful for me!

[Strawbridge]

Thought i would put my 2 cents in seeing as tho everyone has been pretty good with my story.

 

Sadchick: Sounds good! I would keep the tennis date light and friendly tho and wait for him to talk about you as a couple. Bringing it up too early might ruin the "date" and the idea of the date is that you want to put some fun and spark back into your situation But that's my opinion. I know you should probably talk about it but yeah wait for him to bring it up on thursday or do it the next time you see him.

 

Goodluck!