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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


LightbulbSun

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I remember the one time I put a craigslist ad up, saying I was a virgin and wanted to lose it

^^ BIG mistake (imo). If I was reading that, my first reaction would have been "Ugh. This guy is just looking for someone to have sex with". PASS.

 

No need to mention the virgin/wanting to lose it, bit. You probably won't get many responses, for reasons mentioned above.

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I have several online horror stories, such as the guys who lied about their age, weight, even marital status. Not keen to try it again unless the one I want doesn't come back and I don't meet someone offline.

Indian matrimonial sites are much better compared to western dating sites. They seem like business, cut and dry... but people are not interested in wasting their time, so they keep it pretty simple and quick. I have decided that I will not use western dating sites to meet non-Indian men. Its just too risky. I am comfortable meeting Indian men from the matrimonial sites, but I dont' have same trust in non-Indian men from dating sites.

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I have several online horror stories, such as the guys who lied about their age, weight, even marital status. Not keen to try it again unless the one I want doesn't come back and I don't meet someone offline.

 

I only had one guy lie about his age (by about 2 years). It really turned me off but all in all, my experiences were not bad ones. They were only bad in the sense that I never got a bf out of it.

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Some people are more prone to those sorts of tricks more than others, but I've been doing online dating for going on 6 years now and I've never once met a guy who had lied about anything major. Some looked different from their photographs, but I didn't meet anyone who had posted a pic of a 6'2" ripped model and turned out to be a dumpy 5'4" overweight guy. Don't judge the experience until you've tried it.

 

No need to sure you're status as a virgin with the online dating population as a whole. That's personal and private information that you can let someone know on a fifth or tenth or twentieth date - whenever you feel comfortable that you may want to commit to a woman. I was a virgin when I started online dating and the only person I ended up telling was the guy I met through the site who would become my boyfriend, and that wasn't until we were in an exclusive relationship and sex was on the table.

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Well, it's clear that I need to stop putting myself into situations where there is a cold approach. Because every single time, the girl either has a boyfriend or isn't interested.

 

It happened that way today. I found out in my speech class that I had a lot in common with my one crush, and then I saw her walking out of the add/drop place with a handsome looking guy. Now maybe they were just friends, but I have to assume that he is her boyfriend, since she is a beautiful girl and he is a handsome guy. Not to mention that, if she just dropped out of my speech class, I will never see her again anyways.

 

Cue to my yoga class. The girl I crush on there was there, and actually SPOKE to me, but it was clear from her voice that she didn't want to. No excitement, no flirting. Obviously this girl doesn't dig me the way I dig her.

 

And that's the way it's always been. Either I'm into them, and they either are attached or don't like me, or they like me and I don't feel that way about them. There has never been mutual interest between me and a girl.

 

What is it? Am I just too socially awkward to get a girlfriend? Too ugly? Too unlucky? Are there attractive girls out there who actually dig the nerds, and don't like the dumb jocks?

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It happened that way today. I found out in my speech class that I had a lot in common with my one crush, and then I saw her walking out of the add/drop place with a handsome looking guy. Now maybe they were just friends, but I have to assume that he is her boyfriend, since she is a beautiful girl and he is a handsome guy. Not to mention that, if she just dropped out of my speech class, I will never see her again anyways.

 

Cue to my yoga class. The girl I crush on there was there, and actually SPOKE to me, but it was clear from her voice that she didn't want to. No excitement, no flirting. Obviously this girl doesn't dig me the way I dig her.

 

You are speculating and setting yourself up for disappointment before actually knowing and trying. The guy realistically could have been a friend or a relative. Or yes, possibly her boyfriend but thing is you don't know. I do have attractive male friends at school who I get lunch/drinks with, but am not interested in dating. As for the yoga girl, it's same thing. She could have been having a bad day, or was distracted by something, but you pick up the first hint of a negative cue and give up. How many times have you actually spoken? It often takes several conversations for interest to actually grow. You have to be persistent and you can't let tiny things deter you if you really want something.

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And that's the way it's always been. Either I'm into them, and they either are attached or don't like me, or they like me and I don't feel that way about them. There has never been mutual interest between me and a girl.

 

What is it? Am I just too socially awkward to get a girlfriend? Too ugly? Too unlucky? Are there attractive girls out there who actually dig the nerds, and don't like the dumb jocks?

 

Of course there are. I know it's tough not to blame yourself, your appearance, and your personality when you're unlucky, but I do think that these sort of cold approach situations really aren't doing you any favors. I'd really suggest getting over your phobia and trying online dating. It's the only place that I've ever had guys knocking down my door - in person, I'm always in the corner of the bar getting no attention. Of course there were many I didn't have interest in, but it was a confidence booster, and it provided me with tons of guys to message and date.

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What is it? Am I just too socially awkward to get a girlfriend? Too ugly? Too unlucky? Are there attractive girls out there who actually dig the nerds, and don't like the dumb jocks?

 

It couldn't be because you're shooting out of your league, could it? You always mention attractive girls, well if you're not anywhere near their league (as you implicitly admit to), why would you expect they would go for you?

 

And I've noticed you still have the high school mentality of assuming people fit stereotypical roles (such as your perjorative dumb jock comment) which I think is due to sour grapes. People are more complicated than that. Most are at least somewhat 3 dimensional. Like me, i have a nerdy side and a jockish, athletic side. I'm a social, open person and a withdrawn, quiet person depending on who I'm with or forced to be with.

 

Anyway, date in your league or else you probably will be in that subsection.

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I'll try Plenty Of Fish again, but the people on there seem weird, going by their posts on the forums. And they seem unaccepting or really judgmental of virgin men.

 

I think the key is to organizing some sort of study group with said girl, or (like richpart said), making a joke about the yoga poses. I thought I was going to fall over from some of the poses today; I was like, "How can these girls be so flexible, and I'm struggling to stay upright?" Guess it comes from being a guy, lol.

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It couldn't be because you're shooting out of your league, could it? You always mention attractive girls, well if you're not anywhere near their league (as you implicitly admit to), why would you expect they would go for you?

 

I am attracted to what I'm attracted to. If you expect me to date someone I'm not sexually attracted to, it'll be friendship, not love. Even if I pretend and pass it off as a relationship. And it really isn't fair to the girl, to date someone you're not attracted to.

 

And it's not like I only go for the hot blonds. The girl I like, that I was talking about, is attractive, but in a cute and nerdy way. Yet the guy she was with seemed to be the typical jock.

 

I see this more often than not, girls only going for the jocks. So don't say that I'm stereotyping, when I see it WITH MY OWN EYES.

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I'll try Plenty Of Fish again, but the people on there seem weird, going by their posts on the forums. And they seem unaccepting or really judgmental of virgin men.

 

I hated POF. Loved OKCupid.

 

As I mentioned previously on this thread, do NOT say that you are a virgin on your profile.

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I hated POF. Loved OKCupid.

 

As I mentioned previously on this thread, do NOT say that you are a virgin on your profile.

 

I never have. The closest I came was mentioning it on POF forums as a question, although I deleted my profile the same day.

 

People don't know for certain that I'm a virgin in real life. It's not like I go bragging about it. I've talked about it the most on here, because I feel most comfortable here.

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I never have. The closest I came was mentioning it on POF forums as a question, although I deleted my profile the same day.

 

People don't know for certain that I'm a virgin in real life. It's not like I go bragging about it. I've talked about it the most on here, because I feel most comfortable here.

 

So if you're not mentioning it on your profile, how do they know you're a virgin? You said that women on POF don't take kindly to virgins.

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From reading all the topics on POF started by older virgins.

 

So how did girls know that THEY were virgins?

 

This is just some more self-defeatist stuff, man. You never know until you try. Do not mention your virginity to a girl until you're interested in seriously pursuing something with her. Contrary to popular belief, girls cannot identify on sight (or via an online dating profile) which guys are virgins and which aren't.

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So how did girls know that THEY were virgins?

 

They knew, because these older virgins asked if it was okay being a 20-30 something virgin, and if they (the women) would date them. Then there was a bunch of self righteous b's who would say, "No, I don't wanna train him, I like experienced men, blah blah blah."

 

THAT is why I felt like crap, because I know I have a flaw, and to some it's a red flag. It's not something I can help, because how are you supposed to GET experience if nobody will be with you because you don't have experience?

 

This is just some more self-defeatist stuff, man. You never know until you try. Do not mention your virginity to a girl until you're interested in seriously pursuing something with her. Contrary to popular belief, girls cannot identify on sight (or via an online dating profile) which guys are virgins and which aren't.

 

If the guy is socially awkward, they can probably guess that they're not good with girls.

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They knew, because these older virgins asked if it was okay being a 20-30 something virgin, and if they (the women) would date them. Then there was a bunch of self righteous b's who would say, "No, I don't wanna train him, I like experienced men, blah blah blah."

 

THAT is why I felt like crap, because I know I have a flaw, and to some it's a red flag. It's not something I can help, because how are you supposed to GET experience if nobody will be with you because you don't have experience?

 

If the guy is socially awkward, they can probably guess that they're not good with girls.

 

I'm gonna challenge you here.

 

First of all, a woman who does not want to date a virgin isn't necessarily a "self-righteous b." All people have the right to choose who they want to be romantically and sexually involved with. Some women prefer to date partners who have sexual experience. Others like men with little experience. Still others have no preference. Yes, it's unfair, but it's life.

 

Second, socially awkward does not equal virgin. Socially awkward does not even equal not good with girls. You're making a lot of assumptions about what woman do and do not perceive, and are choosing not to move forward in making things better for yourself because of these assumptions. There are plenty of women who adore socially awkward guys (as you've been told dozens of times in this thread and your other threads).

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I am attracted to what I'm attracted to. If you expect me to date someone I'm not sexually attracted to, it'll be friendship, not love. Even if I pretend and pass it off as a relationship. And it really isn't fair to the girl, to date someone you're not attracted to.

 

Ok, but then just accept that yes, you may never find a girl and stop complaining when girls out of your league reject you.

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This all smacks of a self-defeating attitude. That's not funny and friendly. That's not fun at all. That's not putting yourself out there. That's protecting yourself from harm by assuring yourself of certain failure and excusing yourself from participation. No guts, no glory. You have to learn to stop your negative internal dialogue.

 

So, apparently your crush in speech class has a handsome BF. Based on what? Her walking somewhere with a handsome guy? Bad assumption. You're just looking for the easiest way to fail. Your yoga crush actually walked up and spoke to YOU? But you said it was clear from HER voice that she didn't want to?!? Why? Did one of her friends put her up to it? Did she have a gun pointed at her head? Come on, man. Talk to her. Make a joke about something. Show her that you are somebody worth knowing! She may have been expressing interest, trying to check you out, but your self-defeating attitude made her lose her excitement. You're shooting yourself in the foot. Do you see what I'm getting at?

 

Girls dig nerds - I see them walking around with them every day. Stop making excuses. You don't have any! You're not too ugly. You're not too unlucky. Please! You just have to put yourself out there and show some women who you are. Yeah, you're gonna get rejected. But this boy and girl stuff has been going on since the beginning of time - why do you insist on making it so complicated?

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They knew, because these older virgins asked if it was okay being a 20-30 something virgin, and if they (the women) would date them. Then there was a bunch of self righteous b's who would say, "No, I don't wanna train him, I like experienced men, blah blah blah."

 

 

Oh, I get it. When you have certain things & traits you insist on in a potential romantic partner, it's "hey, that's just what attracts me", but when women do they are "self-righteous b's". Totally hypocritical.

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Oh, I get it. When you have certain things & traits you insist on in a potential romantic partner, it's "hey, that's just what attracts me", but when women do they are "self-righteous b's". Totally hypocritical.

 

All I care about is that I'm attracted to her. That's physical.

 

I wouldn't reject a girl based upon her sexual history, but apparently a LOT of women reject virgins based upon their sexual history (or lack thereof.) I don't know a guy who would reject a female virgin.

 

There is definitely a double standard, when it comes to virginity. It's a thing many men have to suffer with, and silently. We can't tell anybody, because it would just be a slap to our manhood.

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All I care about is that I'm attracted to her. That's physical.

 

I wouldn't reject a girl based upon her sexual history, but apparently a LOT of women reject virgins based upon their sexual history (or lack thereof.) I don't know a guy who would reject a female virgin.

 

There is definitely a double standard, when it comes to virginity. It's a thing many men have to suffer with, and silently. We can't tell anybody, because it would just be a slap to our manhood.

 

But you would reject a girl based on her looks? Its all superficial shallowness, which it seems everyone is these days.

 

Its almost as though everyone has this set criteria that HAS to be met when finding a mate no matter what, otherwise sorry, its a no go. Maybe thats why so many people are alone. No one accepts faults anymore, no one takes chances.

 

Its all about shallowness, shallow, shallow, shallow...

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All I care about is that I'm attracted to her. That's physical.

 

I wouldn't reject a girl based upon her sexual history, but apparently a LOT of women reject virgins based upon their sexual history (or lack thereof.) I don't know a guy who would reject a female virgin.

 

There is definitely a double standard, when it comes to virginity. It's a thing many men have to suffer with, and silently. We can't tell anybody, because it would just be a slap to our manhood.

 

Yes, there is a double-standard: men think other men who sleep with anything that walks are the shiz -- but a woman who does that is a harlot.

 

So that's another double standard you can cogitate on. Being a man, this is irrelevant to your experience.

 

But I don't wish to contribute to a nascent thread-derailing of "who's got the worse deal" gender conversation. And I highly recommend for your sake that you catch yourself in these types of thoughts. Because anything you say is worse for a guy, or some gender double-standard outcry, I can name you an equally disadvantageous aspect of being a woman. I could tell you that if you were a woman, in a woman's experience, with a woman's lot over the span of a whole lifetime, you'd see the gravity of the problems we're dealt and it would leave your problems in the dust; and you could say the same thing, and who would be right? This has been going on ad nauseum since I joined this forum and I have yet to see it produce any gains for an OP. That gets you NOWHERE. Except just a little further from being someone with a productive/constructive mindset.

 

Which means: just a little bit further from landing a date.

 

A woman is not a self-righteous b if she wants a man to have some sexual experience under his belt. Or to be a good lover. And I think it's normal for an eyebrow to be raised at a man who is a virgin at this age -- BUT. BUT BUT BUT, it all would be negotiable if you can talk with confidence about yourself and your life (if I were the girl in question, what would win me over would be your telling me a bit at a time about what you've grappled with in having social anxiety and OVERCOMING IT [or working on overcoming it], because I like a man who overcomes a problem more than a man who has none), you have some success and motivation outside of relationships, and you seem like a decent guy as opposed to a sociopath who views the world through a peephole except on Saturday evenings between 7 and 11 p.m., when he ventures out of doors to hit women up.

 

I think you can pull that off.

 

But I do admit, I have to agree with Strawberry Yogurt. I believe that there ARE leagues, otherwise I could date Ben Stiller if I just put on a pretty dress and crashed the right parties. A league is not just a looks issue, it's a whole societal status issue as well. Which is why you can get someone like Gene Simmons paired up with a Playboy playmate for life, even though look at the guy. I mean, just look at the guy. I'm just giving you EXTREME examples so please please pleeeease don't make a literal translation, as you are inclined to do with examples given to you just for illustration.

 

What I'm trying to say is that if you're only going for the women who are model material, chances are strong they live lives matching that in some way, with the concomitant attitudes and priorities, and I'm not surprised you're having problems and dead-ends.

 

This doesn't mean you have to (or can) force yourself to being attracted to someone you aren't, but it does mean that you're limiting yourself in a big way.

 

And also, you're being very narrow-minded about how attraction develops. And if you take an instant snapshot of them and judge on that basis, well, you are applying the same harsh and snap, rigid jugmentality you accuse women of applying to you when they don't give you a chance.

 

Just because you don't INSTANTLY find someone a rubber-neckingly-crash-into-a-lightpost pretty face, doesn't mean getting to know her, you might not find your attraction growing.

 

So you say some girls have been attracted to you. Some have even called you hot.

 

I would like to know as many details as you can give about specific instances of this, who called you "hot", what were they like in all respects, who has expressed interest in you, HOW LONG YOU KNEW THEM AND HOW MUCH YOU HUNG OUT TOGETHER, how close did you get, are they still in your life, etc.

 

I want to know about the women you are passing over, how many of them there have been and the particulars as best as you can recall. You can even give them pseudonyms.

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