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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


LightbulbSun

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Not to generalize, but are most of those posters men without careers or still live at home? I can't imagine successful career men having trouble finding women. I'm stereotyping that most men who have trouble with women tend to have dead end jobs.

 

No, one poster is a multi millionaire. He still has no success with women.

 

And most of the posters have reasonable paying jobs. The problem is that women don't want them. One guy has asked out over 1,000 women, and been rejected by every one.

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It's fine to care about people. And empathy is good for a certain stretch of time. But at some point you have to get off the whole woe-is-me, emo, victim kick and move on. Staying on that forum is simply perpetuating the problem. My original point is that you seem to go looking for ways to feel bad. You spend time on the internet, precious time that could be so well-spent on yourself, and look up statistics and lonely guy forums and ways to back up your negative mindset. Why would you deliberately want to feel bad? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

 

Find a cause or a passion or something that will get you our of this hyper self-focus.

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No, one poster is a multi millionaire. He still has no success with women.

 

And most of the posters have reasonable paying jobs. The problem is that women don't want them. One guy has asked out over 1,000 women, and been rejected by every one.

 

You can't believe everything unless you've met them (if you have disregard this). There are a lot of reasons why guys don't get the one they want. The most common is being picky. Some of the online profiles I saw were ridiculous. I've seen so many average at best 40 year old guys wanting 25 years then they wonder why they are single. I've seen obese looking for thin, and homely looking for models.

 

Yes I realize that doesn't pertain to all, but there are many reasons guys end up alone. Others are too clingy or picking wrong choices.

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It's fine to care about people. And empathy is good for a certain stretch of time. But at some point you have to get off the whole woe-is-me, emo, victim kick and move on. Staying on that forum is simply perpetuating the problem. My original point is that you seem to go looking for ways to feel bad. You spend time on the internet, precious time that could be so well-spent on yourself, and look up statistics and lonely guy forums and ways to back up your negative mindset. Why would you deliberately want to feel bad? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

 

Find a cause or a passion or something that will get you our of this hyper self-focus.

 

You know, I don't like feeling bad. If you knew me as a kid, you'd see a always happy, smiling, carefree boy. And same as a teenager, and young adult.

 

It wasn't until I was around 24 that I started getting down. And that was because I realized that the life I wanted, the marriage, the kids, the one soulmate that would make my life heaven, wasn't there and possibly would never exist for me. And that is why I sank down into depression.

 

I guess I'm afraid to be happy? Because as long as I rationalize things as being a certain way, then I can accept that it's because of an unfair advantage (other people are attractive, I am not) that made me not live the dream I wanted. It's easier to give up, than to accept that maybe life just sucks and there's no changing it.

 

But the truth is, I'm pretty much through with that forum. I just visited it, and honestly, I don't want to feel sorry for myself anymore. I will miss those people, and I have 2 thousand posts on there, but I think I need to move on. And at least be happy giving other people advice, even if I AM at a disadvantage and will possibly never find happiness.

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Lightbulbsun you are starting to remind me of the guy I want. Back when he was your age he was so desperate to get married. I mean really desperate, he kept talking about it all the time and he wanted to be a dad. Somewhere between now and then he became this bitter guy who was so desperate to marry he fell for several gold diggers who took advantage of his desperation. The result is now he's afraid of getting hurt so we aren't going along as we should, and it's turning me off to finding someone else if he doesn't come around. See how that escalates?

 

I can't guarantee whether my situation will work or not, but most people do marry so it might. My point though isn't me, it's you working on your bitterness. Maybe you need to stoping emitting a desperate vibe, maybe you need to loosen your standards. Most importantly, don't worry you have time. Almost everyone I know married in their mid 30-mid 40's.

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"It's easier to give up, than to accept that maybe life just sucks and there's no changing it. "

 

Accepting that maybe life just sucks *is* giving up. Because life doesn't suck or not suck- it's our perception that makes the difference. If you decide life is great, and a gift, and act accordingly, you will see a difference. Depression is not really caused by circumstance. If that were the case, everyone who had similar circumstances would be depressed, and at the same level. The reason they're not is because everyone perceives situations and handles things differently, due to other factors like their upbringing, genetics, etc. Surely you've seen people with really challenging circumstances still manage to be happy, and you've probably found the opposite to be true also.

 

The idea is to find what makes you happy and do it. Another human is not going to fulfill that for you. It will be a band-aid on a bigger issue. And a good start is what you've mentioned- leaving the forum for a while and putting yourself in more positive situations. Take a hard look at how you write and speak and think, and consider whether it's usually negative or positive.

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completely agree with the title.

 

I haven't read the entire thread yet. And let me add... irrespective of what most ENA members feel, that subsection includes women and men both. Women don't have it any easier than men. Women are required to look beautiful and are required to keep their body fat in check and look bulky here and flat there... Oh and women are not allowed to say a word about marriage and babies. Its not any easy for women... just because they are born females.

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I disagree, life does suck. Good people die, bad people live, bad things happen, good people end up lonely and bad people end up in relationships, etc.

 

Being realistic is NOT being negative. Because life is not all happiness and roses.

 

Any place that's sucking the life out of you need to avoid. One thing all of us need to realize is that advice is just that. It doesn't mean that person knows what will happen. Unless we know someone we have no way of knowing what anything means.

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completely agree with the title.

 

I haven't read the entire thread yet. And let me add... irrespective of what most ENA members feel, that subsection includes women and men both. Women don't have it any easier than men. Women are required to look beautiful and are required to keep their body fat in check and look bulky here and flat there... Oh and women are not allowed to say a word about marriage and babies. Its not any easy for women... just because they are born females.

 

Yeah, shy girls have it just as hard as shy guys.

 

(That is something I can't admit on the other forum, without getting into a huge altercation.)

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Dude, you are so negative! Maybe there are some who won't ever find a partner, but you don't know who right now. Maybe I will be one? I don't know. But I'm trying to move towards a relationship. I even have the backup plan of women if I can't make this whole male dating thing work

 

I think you are not giving enough credit to your doctor about the BDD diagnosis. I think if you addressed that, that would be very helpful to you.

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Dude, you are so negative! Maybe there are some who won't ever find a partner, but you don't know who right now. Maybe I will be one? I don't know. But I'm trying to move towards a relationship. I even have the backup plan of women if I can't make this whole male dating thing work

 

I think you are not giving enough credit to your doctor about the BDD diagnosis. I think if you addressed that, that would be very helpful to you.

 

nevermind.................

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Your doctor has no incentive to lie to you. If you think your doctor has a different perception, that's fair. But if you think your doctor is lying, then you should see a new doctor.

 

I don't think my doctor is lying to me, but he is a guy and doesn't have the capability to judge what women like.

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Lightbulb,

 

Everybody out here, we're all struggling in our relationships/marriage arrangements. Some of us, more than others. So you're not the only one. But you've just got to get beyond this feeling of hopelessness and feeling as if you're powerless because that is whats holding you back. Women are out there and actually the percentage of Women available for Men is MUCH greater than available Men for Women. So that puts you at even more of an advantage. You've got to take that opportunity and run with it.

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This is true, but most people have experienced relationships by my age. Hell, most people are married with kids by my age.

I think the percentage was 1.7% of the general population will remain virgins for their entire lifetimes. From what I've researched and what I've experienced, this is very accurate. Relationships come more easily to some people than others.

 

that's purely speculation.

 

you know...i have a very good friend who was well into his forties when it happened for him...but it has happened...and for him he was completely ready for it when he did. say what you will about physical attraction...but this guy had it pretty rough. he's VERY short...has a serious speech impediment...has a learning disability...doesn't have a lot of friends...doesn't get out much...etc. etc. etc. what he discovered though...is that all these years he's been his own worst enemy. i mean, there are parts of himself that he's embraced (which is fortunate). beneath the surface shell he's an awesome guy. he's heartfelt and genuine. he's outgoing. he's personable. he's a great friend. he's not judgemental. he's open. regardless of those things...he developed and image of himself that bypassed everything that was great about him. his flaws became his reality. his outlook has changed though. i'm not sure what triggered it...but it was life altering. he's attracting things into his life based on this new outlook.

 

i guess you can keep running around in the same circles...playing the same cards...going through the same motions...but the reality of that is that you're always going to get the same results. forget about the flaws. they're there...just like the rest of us. the difference is that it's become your central focus. it's difficult to stop ignoring your basic human goodness...but that's only because you've become habituated to doing so. find something about yourself that you cherish. embrace it. open to it. nurture it! we're really just living organisms...and without the proper nourishment...we can't possibly expect to grow. start feeding the things that work for you. feed the things that make you feel good. let go of the identity that has given you nothing.

 

you have to open to the world before it will open to you. take the first step. it's terrifying to let go of the only thing you've ever known...but you'll never look back. resist nothing.

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Lightbulb,

 

Everybody out here, we're all struggling in our relationships/marriage arrangements. Some of us, more than others. So you're not the only one. But you've just got to get beyond this feeling of hopelessness and feeling as if you're powerless because that is whats holding you back. Women are out there and actually the percentage of Women available for Men is MUCH greater than available Men for Women. So that puts you at even more of an advantage. You've got to take that opportunity and run with it.

 

Thanks NormalSin.

 

I guess I need to take active steps to change what I don't like in my life. These involve:

 

- Getting a better haircut

- Losing weight/putting on muscle

- Straightening my teeth/getting braces

- Asking out women, and getting over the fear of rejection.

 

Not necessarily in that order.

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Lightbulb,

 

Everybody out here, we're all struggling in our relationships/marriage arrangements. Some of us, more than others. So you're not the only one. But you've just got to get beyond this feeling of hopelessness and feeling as if you're powerless because that is whats holding you back. Women are out there and actually the percentage of Women available for Men is MUCH greater than available Men for Women. So that puts you at even more of an advantage. You've got to take that opportunity and run with it.

 

 

Actually that is a myth, depending on the age. If you get to 40+ there is more men than women.

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Actually that is a myth, depending on the age. If you get to 40+ there is more men than women.

 

Lol yeah. I wonder where he got his statistics from, "much greater".

 

While 51 percent of the total population were female, the proportions of the

two sexes varied by age. At younger ages boys outnumbered girls. Among people under the age of 18 in 2002, the sex ratio (the number who were male, times 100, divided by the number who were female) was 105, with nearly 2 million more male residents than female residents. The proportions of men and women aged 20 to 29 were not statistically different. The sex ratio dropped gradually with age: from 98 for those aged 30 to 34, to 92 for the 55-to-64 age group. For the older population, the sex ratio declined rapidly from 84 for the 65-to-74 age group, to 46 for those 85 and over (see Figure 1). Among the population 65 and over, women outnumbered men by 5.3 million.

 

This is from the statistics of states in 2002. Women are only more in older ages because we live longer.

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For some reason stats like those keep getting mentioned and people believe them. It's because of the fake stats that men seem to think there is a shortage of single men and that they can be picky on who they date, including being 40 and wanting an 18 year old. It just bothers me because guys are passing me up because of this fake stat. I know it shouldn't bother me but it really does.

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For some reason stats like those keep getting mentioned and people believe them. It's because of the fake stats that men seem to think there is a shortage of single men and that they can be picky on who they date, including being 40 and wanting an 18 year old. It just bothers me because guys are passing me up because of this fake stat. I know it shouldn't bother me but it really does.

 

well, there is a shortage of single men in their 60s and up. But I doubt that makes a difference in most women's dating lives.

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well, there is a shortage of single men in their 60s and up. But I doubt that makes a difference in most women's dating lives.

 

It does for me because on another board I was told I should date men in their 60's! Seriously though I figure if I don't find a guy by my 60's I won't so it won't matter then anyway.

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It does for me because on another board I was told I should date men in their 60's! Seriously though I figure if I don't find a guy by my 60's I won't so it won't matter then anyway.

 

I honestly see a pattern of some men trying to lower females self confidence/worth so they can get better chances with women. Oh well, we don't have to listen to them really.

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I honestly see a pattern of some men trying to lower females self confidence/worth so they can get better chances with women. Oh well, we don't have to listen to them really.

 

No we don't. I honestly think the best idea is to listen to what you feel inside. People often tell me things I feel are the opposite and I need to listen to how I feel. This is my problem with online dating. Too many guys try to hurt a woman's confidence and it usually backfires. Then these same guys complain they can't find anyone.

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