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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


LightbulbSun

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Kids ruin everything if they aren't yours.

 

Id never date a woman who has a child regardless of how nice she was.

Be careful about generalizations like that.

 

You're not anywhere near an age to be worried yet.... but single guys in their 30s find it less practical to have prohibitions against dating women with kids...

 

In my mid-20s, I did go out with a woman who had an infant.

Though she seemed nice and I had no problem with her having a child (out of wedlock, it appeared, we never got close or into some deep conversation), by her decision, it never got past the first or second date...

Decided after that I prob. didn't want to date women with kids.

 

But.... as you get older, you may find someone you love who has a child.

Don't think less of them.

My college roommate ended up marrying someone who had a child... He got "an instant family," as he put it....

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Agree. there is a certain segment of the population that will likely never get a partner (whether voluntarily or involuntarily). I think there are certain genetic/environmental factors that will keep these people out of the loop regardless of what they try and do. Now many will say "oh, they are just lazy" or "they didn't try hard enough" etc. Everything can't work out for everyone all the time, that's common sense to me. But hey, if a person is willing to seek out a prostitute (male or female) then of course that is always an available step. But as far as everyone finding a partner, falling in love, babymaking and all that? No I don't believe that is possible for every single person on the planet. There's that B.S. about "there's somebody for everybody" -- although it sounds nice, not reality. But that's just my 2 cents, take it or leave it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think the more you overthink sth and stress over it, 'the bigger deal' it becomes.

Just go with the flow and don't take things so seriously... Have some fun. Stop worrying about what they think, or how they'll react, just be yourself and sometime soon you'll find a chick that will like you.

 

The self pity needs to stop. It's a BIG turn off.

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Have some fun. Stop worrying about what they think, or how they'll react, just be yourself and sometime soon you'll find a chick that will like you.

Yeah, that's what people told me when I was 20. I heard it again at 25. Now that I'm months from 30, I start to hear it again. You know, at some point someone has got to realize whenbeing yourself and going with the flow is just not going to work... Not being pessimistic by the way, just saying from experience.

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Yeah, that's what people told me when I was 20. I heard it again at 25. Now that I'm months from 30, I start to hear it again. You know, at some point someone has got to realize whenbeing yourself and going with the flow is just not going to work... Not being pessimistic by the way, just saying from experience.

 

I totally agree with this. I get tired of hearing "just have fun". I am 46, I have been hearing that since I was 18. It's good advice for a young person, but as you get older, many people want something more substantial than a good time.

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I totally agree with this. I get tired of hearing "just have fun". I am 46, I have been hearing that since I was 18. It's good advice for a young person, but as you get older, many people want something more substantial than a good time.

 

Unless you are a model "just having fun" isn't going to get you anywhere half the time. Flirt, approach men for simple conversation, ask guys to hang out, make more friends, get out more. Take the bull by the horns girls.

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Originally Posted by carra

Yeah, that's what people told me when I was 20. I heard it again at 25. Now that I'm months from 30, I start to hear it again. You know, at some point someone has got to realize whenbeing yourself and going with the flow is just not going to work... Not being pessimistic by the way, just saying from experience.

Originally Posted by BriarRose

I totally agree with this. I get tired of hearing "just have fun". I am 46, I have been hearing that since I was 18. It's good advice for a young person, but as you get older, many people want something more substantial than a good time

Recall hearing that as well in my late 20s. "Oh, you'll find someone..." or "You just haven't found the right one yet."

True. I hadn't.

But love was just around the corner at 30....

 

How I hated hitting 30 with little relationship experience to show for it.

Just a "NEAR-fiance" at 26 and a string of failed relationships...

 

Had many tearful nights. Cried out to my MOTHER, "What about me repels women?"

 

Unless you are a model "just having fun" isn't going to get you anywhere half the time. Flirt, approach men for simple conversation, ask guys to hang out, make more friends, get out more. Take the bull by the horns girls.

This is good.

Guys/gals,

Put yourself out there and meet new people.

 

Like MD Geist and others around here, "Mr. Awkward around girls" had a hard time getting dates and then second or third dates.

Funny, I had a harder time getting dates in college when I wanted a serious relationship compared to HS when I really wasn't so interested... Just wanted to date...

 

My dating drought lasted until 26, when I awoke and realized I needed to put some effort into it.

 

Help for those who can't get dates in their late 20s, 30s and 40s

 

Briar, I know you've posted in that thread, and maybe the tips there don't help women as much, but Carra and others, please take a gander and see if anything I wrote can help.

 

I do sympathize with you guys. I wasn't unlike you and if not for the best friend of my future wife setting us up on a blind date just after I turned 30..... may be where you two are today....

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Oh I actually meant it more in the sense that instead of stressing and worrying and going 'poor little me', just relax more. I didn't say don't try, you can have fun and be serious about it. But not in a 'my biological clock is ticking frantically' kind of way. Come one =_=

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Oh I actually meant it more in the sense that instead of stressing and worrying and going 'poor little me', just relax more. I didn't say don't try, you can have fun and be serious about it. But not in a 'my biological clock is ticking frantically' kind of way. Come one =_=

 

Agreed. Relaxing and taking oneself less seriously does not mean passively waiting for something to come along. The common complaint of not getting dates or relationships often has a direct correlation to the amount of effort that is expended.

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Agreed. Relaxing and taking oneself less seriously does not mean passively waiting for something to come along. The common complaint of not getting dates or relationships often has a direct correlation to the amount of effort that is expended.

 

Love ya Bulletproof, but I disagree with this. I spent over two years doing on-line dating and never even got a bf out of it. Maybe not the best example, but sometimes we do try and put ourselves out there and it just doesn't happen for us.

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Love ya Bulletproof, but I disagree with this. I spent over two years doing on-line dating and never even got a bf out of it. Maybe not the best example, but sometimes we do try and put ourselves out there and it just doesn't happen for us.

 

I think that's why online dating is both a blessing and a curse. It's awesome that we have this option now, but it needs to be one of many options, not just the only source. I think people rely on it too heavily sometimes.

 

I also think that just because someone is putting his/herself out there, doesn't mean he/she is doing it effectively. We're still at the mercy of our own choices, which may or may not be healthy, and at the mercy of our own personalities, which may need tweaking.

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Dating is hardwork.

 

I don't think we'll ever really figure out how it all works, because it's so complicated and so unconventional at times. The best anyone of us can do is to at least try every now and then. Hopefully we get lucky and we meet someone halfway decent. Even then, there's still no guarantee that whoever you meet, whenever you meet, that things will workout like we want it too. So it's a lot of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

 

I've been been pretty fortunate; I've had A LOT of experience for a young man my age and have seen and been exposed to a lot of different situations. Enough for me to know that in the end, all I really ever wanted was one woman to settle down with. The dating game takes a lot out of us all. As I said before, it's confusing, complicated and often unconventional - things happen in dating sometime and we have to be flexible, understanding and willing to learn to take it not so personally (something I've been very guilty of in the past). People are either going to be interested in you or they are not. That's what it is.

 

Then again, different people look for different things. At 27, young, I'm not interested in meeting FWBs or One night stands. Believe me, I've turned down more than I've ever taken and I'm getting too old to be running back and forth, in & out of relationships. What I'm looking for is something genuine, from someone genuine. So when I'm meeting women nowadays, I'm trying to see where they're head is at. Not everybody is looking for the same thing as me; some prefer a more casual and leisurely sex life whereas guys like me prefer a more stable situation and someone who's able to understand and have the same idea in mind.

 

Of course, without trying we won't ever get anywhere. I get just as bitter and frustrated as anybody else. But it's honestly one of those things that just happens or either because we've put such a substantial amount of work into it that it's finally paid off. There is no soulmate. You right now, you, have the potential of meeting, marrying and dating various different people in various walks of life. To believe anything short of that would be a disservice. I'm not very lucky in dating, but the only reason I've been able to meet women, have dates and outings is because I put myself in position to do so. When I want to date, I date. When I don't feel like dating, I don't. So I guess that makes me personally responsible for the success/failures of my dating life just like us all.

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I think it's just fate. I know too many people that tried for too long (including myself) and never found love, and others who found it without even having been single for a month. I know one woman who found it after being on-line less than 2 weeks. Another "tripped" over her husband in a bar (literally tripped).

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I think it's just fate. I know too many people that tried for too long (including myself) and never found love, and others who found it without even having been single for a month. I know one woman who found it after being on-line less than 2 weeks. Another "tripped" over her husband in a bar (literally tripped).

While I don't believe any kind of predestination plays a role, I do agree that great effort will not necessarily result in success (conversely, success can come with very little effort). However, it stands to reason that, on average, if a person is in a position to meet people more often, they'll have a greater likelihood of meeting someone they connect with. Still, the cumulative probability of connecting with at least one person may remain extremely small.

 

As ~2 sided coin~ indicates, we're personally responsible for putting ourselves in that position. We're not, on the other hand, responsible for whether anyone we meet is willing to give us a chance.

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  • 2 weeks later...

From my recent experience I must say that the whining and complaining that women often tell men to stop does indeed need to stop. I took advice from a Player to improve my POF profile and long behold I got a ton of responses in a week. Once I even got up to 7 emails in a day.

 

Men or Women should never go out of their way for someone unless they are married to them. Although yes keep working on yourself, stay healthy, stay clean and carry yourself beyond Jeans a T-shirt. Get out there and find different hobbies especially if yours is dominated by the same sex as you.

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From my recent experience I must say that the whining and complaining that women often tell men to stop does indeed need to stop. I took advice from a Player to improve my POF profile and long behold I got a ton of responses in a week. Once I even got up to 7 emails in a day.

I've always thought this was common knowledge . . . women preferring men of action (whining and complaining being prime examples of inaction), and people in general preferring to keep their distance from bitter people who like to whine/complain. Not that I'm being all holier-than-thou or anything, as I don't date nor like to do much of anything any more.

 

I'm amazed this thread is still going. Hopefully the discussion has brought the OP and/or its participants some modicum of success.

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Lightbulb,

 

First, maybe you have too high an expectation ? Sometimes when we want something badly, and want to it be perfect- Ie. result in marriage, etc- we self sabotage, sometimes without realizing it. Is it possible that you are looking for someone "perfect" ? If so, keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Everyone will have their quirks and foibles. Try to keep an open mind. Is it maybe possible too that you expect too much from the start ? Sometimes if we have a mindset of "I really want to get married !" people can pick up on that, and it's a major turn off. Maybe the next time you have a date, try to just take things as they come without having an expectation. I don't think you should give up. But I do think you should change your attitude. People of all shapes and sizes can be attractive. Attraction is based on so much more than looks. But, Nobody is attracted to desperation. Stop thinking of being on a "clock". There is no time limit. It's better to wait for the right person, than to get with someone who isn't a good match just to say you are "In a relationship" or "Married". Focus your energy on positive changes. Confidence is a major turn on. Don't set yourself up for failure by being purely focused on a relationship for your happiness. Happiness comes from within and a relationship can add to it, but it won't "make you" a happier person. Being in a relationship won't make you happy all the time. Only you can do that. And once you do, you'll have a greater chance for success in a relationship. You can't control what will happen in the future, but you can control YOU. Think about what positive changes you can start to make.

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With all of the utmost and very due respect, boy did I get tired of hearing all of the above when I was single and was not desperate to get married but had marriage and family as my top priority. It can be a jungle out there. especially the "are you expecting too much/perfection" and "don't be on a clock". 99% of my fabulous single friends (and me) were not expecting perfection and yup, especially after age 35, if we wanted the chance to try to conceive a child of our own we were on a clock. I'm all for spontaneity and living for the moment but, nope, I wasn't going to waste my time going with the flow unless I knew from early on that his "flow" was towards marriage and family in general. Ended up working for me, but just under the wire as far as the clock.

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One of the crushes of my lifetime, and I've loved him from afar for about 40 years (sorry, I'm trying not to reveal my age online) is plain and just generic looking. He's kind of short...like Napoleon. Looks are totally in the eye of the beholder because I think he's fabulous! Please, just get out and meet women and then see what happens from there.

Angel

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One of the crushes of my lifetime, and I've loved him from afar for about 40 years (sorry, I'm trying not to reveal my age online) is plain and just generic looking. He's kind of short...like Napoleon. Looks are totally in the eye of the beholder because I think he's fabulous! Please, just get out and meet women and then see what happens from there.

Angel

 

Actually, looks do matter to an extent. OP says he is a "sucker for girls with pretty faces" but says "how can I demand a pretty girl when I'm not so pretty myself?" Well, usually you can't. Hot people tend to gravitate towards other good looking people. Many men want the beautiful girl, but they are average or below average themselves. It is only when they are willing to date the average or less-than-average woman that they may see more success in their dating life.

 

I'm not saying looks are everything - they are not. Just that good looking people tend to go with other good looking people.

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  • 9 months later...

If you say that you are not good looking at all and you'd settle for "average" then an average woman by your logic would have to settle for above average/good looking which would exclude you?

People are all the same, they always want someone better looking than they are so unless you are willing to settle with someone less attractive than you then the chances aren't very high unless of course you make it up in other ways.

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Actually, looks do matter to an extent. OP says he is a "sucker for girls with pretty faces" but says "how can I demand a pretty girl when I'm not so pretty myself?"

 

Well, usually you can't. Hot people tend to gravitate towards other good looking people.

 

Many men want the beautiful girl, but they are average or below average themselves.

 

It is only when they are willing to date the average or less-than-average woman that they may see more success in their dating life.

 

I'm not saying looks are everything - they are not. Just that good looking people tend to go with other good looking people.

Bingo. Well-stated.

That "plain" or "average"-looking girl that many overlook... she might say yes to a guy's dating invitation and ultimately prove a better relationship than the so-called "hot" women.

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