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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


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There is definitely a subsection of people that wont find a partner - I know because I am one of them. And I have come to think it might be for the best. I seem to cause people unhappiness or unease wherever I go, just by being around - I can feel it in every fiber of my being, every impulse and thought tells me that people would be much more relaxed and relieved were I not anywhere near them. I dont want other people to be unhappy and I sure would not want to cause another person the pain of being near me (and one thing that is for certain, I definitely would never want a child who could possibly inherit whatever went into making me, whether it be genetic, environmental, or whatever). If I did find someone that I thought I loved (though I have no idea what love even means - I barely understand flirting or attraction), I think my greatest wish would be that they found someone that made them as happy as I would want to make them.

 

And I know that person isnt going to be me.

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Not being negative, just being objective, something I think most people don't really do when considering what it means to be in a relationship. I think I'm a tad more Sheldon Cooper than Joe Average, I've gotta a different perspective on the world and how it works and am a bit of a lone wolf, and I'm not sure I want to put some poor girl through that.

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Not being negative, just being objective, something I think most people don't really do when considering what it means to be in a relationship. I think I'm a tad more Sheldon Cooper than Joe Average, I've gotta a different perspective on the world and how it works and am a bit of a lone wolf, and I'm not sure I want to put some poor girl through that.

 

Not all women are the same. Some will be happy to be with you and others will not.

 

Many guys assume "well, I'm like Sheldon. No girl could want that." Trust me, some do. There are all types and then there are all types for those types. I am more of a female version of Sheldon Cooper at times. I'm very quirky, have some weird habits/preferences, and am just very opinionated and nerdy myself. Most guys couldn't deal with a woman like me but I have found a few who enjoy my company so it has worked out fine.

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Not so much a case of worrying about whether a girl would want to be with me, I'm sure there are some, the question I keep coming to is whether it's fair to put some of them through the ringer than is me. The conclusion I keep coming too is that I'm too niche.

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Sometimes I share that optimism FloridaMan, but sometimes I get really discouraged.

 

Like today I was in Walmart I walked past two decent but by no means super hot twenty something females and they all but ignored me. No passing smile, no eye contact, no acknowledgment whatsoever. Then I went to check out and the cashier (a marginally attractive twenty something) would not even respond to my attempts to make small talk. These kind of events are so discouraging.

Basing your attractiveness/desirablity on random encounters as those you mention isn't very objective.You really don't have any idea about the mindest of those girls at the time .
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Not so much a case of worrying about whether a girl would want to be with me, I'm sure there are some, the question I keep coming to is whether it's fair to put some of them through the ringer than is me. The conclusion I keep coming too is that I'm too niche.

 

Then you need to put yourself in surroundings where you might meet other Sheldon types. I really don't think being in a "niche" should prevent you from finding someone.

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Basing your attractiveness/desirablity on random encounters as those you mention isn't very objective.You really don't have any idea about the mindest of those girls at the time .

 

I agree, but when you are constantly treated like an outcast time and time again it starts to wear on the confidence. Come to think of it I can not recall a time when a girl actually flirted with me.

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  • 3 months later...

I've been screwed and lead on countless times. Have I been out dating? In fact I have!

 

One of the reasons why I haven't been on Ena as much. I've been going on frequient dates. Yet all the girls I meet have been very flakey. Especially this current one who keeps making excuses not to met me and was upset with me for nothing today. Women are heartless. They will respect mean men, they know those men will throw them out the door, but guys like me they will take full advantage of. Don't give me any more BS excuses that these are the wrong kinds of women! The point is I've been on dates with girls who would be considered * * * * s, divorcees, single nice women and you know in the end they all turn to be liars, flakes and full of it.

 

All they want to do is flex their women muscles and see how much they can hurt a man because they themselves have dated the wrong men in the past and they feel the need to go out and prove something to themselves and the rest of the world. Thats why people like me are susuptable to getting hurt countless times and being written off. My advice is don't be nice to women, Chances are they won't be nice to you and will treat you like dirt when they get the chance. They will play with your mind and probably get off the fact they have hurt you. They have done that to me in the past.

 

I don't know what else to say. I've lost faith in the opposite sex, they are such mean and heartless creatures. I've tired to be compassionate and understanding throughout the years perhaps its my way of thinking when its not. Women will act like total ***** play games until they need a guy like you and then they want to get serious. Thats just the way they work. To a degree I can be gald I'm still a virgin because I'm not as dependant on them for my needs. Although my life will be shorten without one. I wish I can live life completely without them. Without having to deal with the nonsense I've been put through and I've never even entered a relationship with them in the first place I can only imagine that it would be like a prison cell with one in your life being constantly abused about why you aren't good enough and how she's got better options than you. But I guess the sex aspect must be worth it.

 

I'm sorry but I'm writting this post being very upset and heartbroken over this very reason.

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Instead of falling into thinking that all women are heartless, perhaps look into why you choose to pursue someone who "keeps making excuses not to meet me and was upset with me for nothing". Someone who keeps making excuses not to meet you - while perhaps posing a challenge which some men find attractive - is not a healthy choice.

 

Women are like men that way - when we are interested, we want to see you! We won't make you jump through hoops wondering if we are interested. If you have to wonder, we probably are not (same with guys).

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I've been screwed and lead on countless times. Have I been out dating? In fact I have!

...

All they want to do is flex their women muscles and see how much they can hurt a man because they themselves have dated the wrong men in the past and they feel the need to go out and prove something to themselves and the rest of the world. Thats why people like me are susuptable to getting hurt countless times and being written off.

Geist, I am sorry this happened to you and did not want to hear how some women have mistreated you.

My advice is don't be nice to women,

Chances are they won't be nice to you and will treat you like dirt when they get the chance.

 

They will play with your mind and probably get off the fact they have hurt you. They have done that to me in the past.

A woman I PM here has told me a little about the manipulation, games, cruelty and other abuse guys she's dated have put her through, so am not gonna discount your experience.

This happens to women as well.

 

My advice is to remain "non-chalant" when dating, esp. in the early stages. Don't be deliberately mean, but act like you could care less if she's with you or not.

Read some of the non-chalant threads here.

May post a link later. They can help you deal with the game-players you meet.

I don't know what else to say.

I've lost faith in the opposite sex, they are such mean and heartless creatures. I've tired to be compassionate and understanding throughout the years perhaps its my way of thinking when its not.

 

Again, my advice is to not go on generalities like this. If you hold negative views of women, it's gonna make you bitter and spill-out into your real life. Women aren't attracted to negative people.

There's a 29 y.o. virgin guy someone posted about on another board. He wears it on his shoulder and is mad at everything and everyone. You don't want to end up like him, Geist.

link removed

Got a buddy whos a 29 year old virgin and hes angry about it.

Hes a bitter dude takes it out on the world. He goes after younger girls because he doesnt feel he can compete with chicks our age. They also dont intimidate him.

 

He will be a 40 yr old virgin, no question.

The reason is because hes closed down, decided already its game over. Self fulfilling prophesy.

Hes more bitter everyday. Alienates people. Fear biter you know. Hes a sad dude.

So watch saying stuff like youll be alone forever. Dont even toy with the idea. Its more damaging than you know.

Women will act like total ***** play games until they need a guy like you and then they want to get serious. Thats just the way they work.

Let's say that's true.

So what if they mistreated some other guys years ago.

She's dating you now, right?

 

If she isn't playing games with you nor mistrating you, and loves and cares for you, that's all that's important?

 

I'm sorry but I'm writting this post being very upset and heartbroken over this very reason

Can totally understand, but I still don't think all women are manipulative b****s.

 

The prev. poster, BriarRose, has had guys do things like that to her, as she's posted, so she's not a game-player. The Seeker (remember her postings in your threads?), is a 20-something y.o. virgin who has had games played on her as well. She wouldn't mistreat a guy like you.

I could name many more.

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Did she date bad boys before giving her virgin boyfriend a shot?

Maybe she did. I dunno.

 

From reading ENA threads , do agree that some women (wrongly) go after the bad guys when "good guys" like us (when I dated) are out there for them. We wouldn't mistreat them or treat them like dirt.

 

But let's for sake of argument agree she did used to date the bad guys.

If she's not doing that now, what's the problem?

 

She's now dating this virgin guy, who from her post, sounded like an older virgin in his 20s. He obv. wasn't a bad boy. And now he's not a virgin, thanks to her.

She didn't belittle his "lack of experience," was patient with him during the LM and in her post said she admired him for telling her he was a virgin.

 

Doesn't that tell you something about the woman?

 

Could you not find a woman like her? One who has changed and really looks for good guys now?

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Without having to deal with the nonsense I've been put through and I've never even entered a relationship with them in the first place I can only imagine that it would be like a prison cell with one in your life being constantly abused about why you aren't good enough and how she's got better options than you.

 

It seems pretty impossible that every single woman is like that. Have you read any of the threads on this board? There are plenty of people in happy relationships that do not describe women (or men) this way. So what is different about them? Are they all imprisoned by some horrible female but just not saying anything? And what about all the other healthy relationships in the world? Those are all fake, too?

 

Your personal experiences do not equal facts- they are simply your experiences. And since you can't change other people, the change likely has to be with yourself.

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Just want to add my 2cents. My sister did not get married until she was 48. She was not a virgin, she had a child she was raising. Then found her husband on a dating site.

 

I was talking to friend the other day, and she was telling me her husband (2nd) was a 35 yr. old virgin when she met him. Of course I think she may be bi-polar, or PMSing all the time, who knows, but we call her husband "st. Rob". lol

 

Then there is the story of my cousin. He lived up in Wisconsin on a farm in the middle of no where. He had 2 younger brothers. While the 2 younger brothers where out trapping and skiing, he was home playing the guitar and singing. OR outside with a birdbook looking at birds. To be honest, I was 100 percent sure he was gay.

 

The middle brother went to hawaii and lived with an older woman in a tree house. They had a child. They have been separated for years now. He is not married.

 

The youngest has always traveled the world on his motorcycle. We comes home during the summer and works the farm, then takes off to see the world. I know hes had many women, and aluded to having a girlfriend in some asian country. But no one has ever seen her. He is in his 40's and not married.

 

Now the oldest brother, the one who never dated, who I thought was gay. The one who is in Mensa because he's in the top % of pop. because of smarts. Well...he's now married and had a very beautiful little girl.

 

He had never even kissed a girl, and a friend of his, with his blessing, had his WIFE kiss him (my cousin) to show him how. I heard this story from my sis. I was shocked! Anyway, he worked in a hospital with computers. He's is good looking btw, so that helps, but a total geek. one of his co-workers wanted to set him up with a woman who was 41 and still living at home with her mother. He declined. Finally the met up. He was 40 and she was 41. And they lived happily ever after. (but not with out speed bumps)

 

He always had a positive outlook. He joined the peace corp in his early 40's and worked in Africa. We all thought he'd come home with a wife from there, but no.....he hadn't met "the one". But your heart and MIND has to be open and wanting and believing that you are capable of loving, and to BE loved.

 

Being cynical and pessimistic with a chip on your shoulder will get you no where.

 

A few years ago I went to massage school and met a 35 yr. old guy. I was married and he was just a friend. No way would I ever have been interested in him. He talked about women in such a disrespectful way if they weren't drop dead gorgeous and perfect body. In other words, he was annoying, potty mouth big time, talked down about women as if he was "Gods gift" to them, and couldn't find a date to save his soul. Of course he blamed the women. All of us could see his problem, but like life is sometimes, he couldn't see HIS problem, and how his ATTITUDE was keeping him from dating.

 

Just my point of view from a woman....and wanted to give you virgins some hope. Plus I was married for 20 yrs to a man I couldn't stand and didn't have sex with him for the last 15 years. He stayed with me for 20. the next month after he left the house, I meet a guy I adored. Had fantasic sex often for almost 4 years. He had an affair and left me for a tatooed, drinker, smoker skank...with lots of money.

 

Sex isn't everything, unless there is a heart attached to it. IMO

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I start to feel like I will also never find the right person. I keep on trying to date the good guys but end up with one who mistreats me or worse. Always left feeling absolutely horrible. Guess there isn't much point.

 

And you are a gorgeous girl! That's why men are so wrong thinking good looking women have life so easy, it's just not always the case.

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And you are a gorgeous girl! That's why men are so wrong thinking good looking women have life so easy, it's just not always the case.

 

Thanks.. I'm really not all that great looking though. I could stand to be in much better shape. meh

 

I think I would probably be better off if I never attracted any men. Seriously.

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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner

 

Very true. However, this does not necessarily mean that these people will live out the rest of their lives in misery and contempt.

 

I know people who are old, single, spinsters, non re-married divorcees, widowers, 'virgins' who are happy living the single life, doing what they enjoy.

 

So I think the invisible assumption (which I have underlined) to the original statement is:

 

There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner, and will live out the rest of their lives in misery.

 

No. It all depends on the individual.

 

TS

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Sure it is possible that you never find anyone. But I think the possibility is very low. Since you are only 28 and you're gonna live up to 80 something years. So yeah, you will most probably kiss and have sex at some point. The possibility of finding a loving amazing relationship tho is much lower. Not only for you, but for most people.

 

what I'm trying to understand is how is the possibility of finding a loving relationship at 28 much lower of a chance? It's the same odds at any stage in life. Usually as well very young relationships do not last with people being naive and or immature.

 

who is guaranteed 80 years on this planet? Nothing is guaranteed just like love and whether you find it now or later it makes no difference except you've had it longer

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what I'm trying to understand is how is the possibility of finding a loving relationship at 28 much lower of a chance? It's the same odds at any stage in life. Usually as well very young relationships do not last with people being naive and or immature.

 

who is guaranteed 80 years on this planet? Nothing is guaranteed just like love and whether you find it now or later it makes no difference except you've had it longer

 

It's a much larger dating pool of singles when you are younger. So yes, it is easier to find love at a young age. Of course, you can find it at any age, but I am not going to believe someone who sits and tells me that it's going to be just as easy for a 50 year old as it is for a 25 year old.

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It's harder for women as they get older because of the biological clock -even if they would be fine with adopting or not having children, many men would not be or at least want the opportunity to try to have a biological child (for women who don't want children, they may have to be willing to date older men with grown children in addition to the men who don't want children).

It was easier for me to meet men in my 30s as opposed to my 20s because I had more self-confidence and there were better hair products for my frizzy hair (not kidding about the latter -it made a difference in finding more men who were attracted to me).

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you don't have to be a part of this subset. If you keep feeding into this negative thinking (Am I destined to be alone FOREVER AND EVER) and go to lonely male virgin forums like that, I will GUARANTEE you will be alone, as will all the other lonely male virgins out there.

 

This is absolutely right. Be rest assured that your beliefs create your reality. If you wish to change your surroundings, change your thoughts first...

 

You can read my thread "sole mate" (here, in finding love and soul mate) to have a better idea of what I'm talking about. Good luck!

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