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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


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I understand where newwave is coming from, I think what she's trying to say is the men who have high standards where they expect the women to be slim, gorgeous and intelligent but they themselves don't hold themselves up to almost any standard and it's an amazement to the world if they get their lazy @ss off the couch to work out or get a job!

 

I agree with her!

 

A man should not hold a view or standard if he himself can not hold that same standard for the women also.

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By your logic; a fat man should not date a slim attractive woman because (a) he is fat and should only consider other fat women (b) who is he trying to kid, she is completely out of his league.

What if said slim attractive woman prefers fat men?, what if he has a great personality and makes her laugh?, its quite possible that she may see beyond his physical size; perhaps inspire him to lose weight.

Didn't you just say that you do not like guys dating you for looks only?

 

He can date who he wants. However, just because he wants a slim woman doesn't mean he will get it. Yet many of these guys believe he can get a slim woman. Since he's fat he should consider fat women as well.

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I understand where newwave is coming from, I think what she's trying to say is the men who have high standards where they expect the women to be slim, gorgeous and intelligent but they themselves don't hold themselves up to almost any standard and it's an amazement to the world if they get their lazy @ss off the couch to work out or get a job!

 

I agree with her!

 

A man should not hold a view or standard if he himself can not hold that same standard for the women also

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Agreed and yes that's what I mean. I've posted about this fat guy looking for a slim woman and "no fatties".

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Agreed and yes that's what I mean. I've posted about this fat guy looking for a slim woman and "no fatties".

 

The man you're talking about is allowed to have his prefference but it shocks me to see people in general that have a preference, do not hold themselves to the same responsiblity and then have the nerve to say, "no fatties."

 

I am frankly not shocked such a man is single with that kind of mindset and attitude!

 

 

Okay so I'm going to step off the ranting stage now....

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The man you're talking about is allowed to have his prefference but it shocks me to see people in general that have a preference, do not hold themselves to the same responsiblity and then have the nerve to say, "no fatties."

 

I am frankly not shocked such a man is single with that kind of mindset and attitude!

 

 

Okay so I'm going to step off the ranting stage now....

 

Right. I know if I want a guy who's in shape I expect to be in shape myself, etc. You'd think a guy like himself who is large would be more understanding of large women. Instead he asked for a tall in shape brunette with large breasts. He's 46 and single (or so he says).

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Right. I know if I want a guy who's in shape I expect to be in shape myself, etc. You'd think a guy like himself who is large would be more understanding of large women. Instead he asked for a tall in shape brunette with large breasts. He's 46 and single (or so he says).

 

I'm sorry but unless the man in question is a millionaire and the women in question is a gold digger he better start hitting the gym.

 

Don't get me wrong, it does happen where two people meet, fall in love and everybody else is scratching their head as to how. But that's most often because the man in question has an amazing personality, is a gentleman and a kind hearted person and the women is also amazing in personality. But lets be frank, the man you're describing sounds like a lazy you know what.

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I think largely the issue is, attitude. If a man (or woman) expects or feels entitled to whatever they deem is worthy of them. Then, they have a hypocritical attitude no matter what their preference is.

 

I think for someone to be truly open to a relationship they need to evaluate themselves and judge themselves, not others.

 

I used to think, "oh my dream girl is X, Y and Z and want her to be like this and I want her to look like that.

 

 

Now, I think along the lines of, if and when I meet this dream girl.

 

Do I match her dreams, wants and needs? Am I as a man, everything she's looking for in a spouse?

 

 

I went from, "it's all about me me me" to how can I make myself better, stronger, smarter and more confident?

 

I now judge myself, hold myself to a standard and only afterwards do I look at a girl and see if she also holds herself to a standard as well.

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Everyone is missing my point so I will say it again. Many men make the mistake of rejecting women who may like them to pursue women who likely wouldn't. As much as people don't want to admit it, yes looks matter. When I see a fat man complaining about fat women I think he's delusional.

 

I agree with the last sentence. I don't think you have the right to complain about something that you yourself do or suffer from. At the same time, I don't think it's necessarily a mistake or a bad thing for an average guy to pursue a woman he finds attractive, even if an outsider might look at them and think the woman better looking.

 

Looks matter but not to the degree that you should convince yourself not to pursue what you're attracted to.

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Yep. For instance in the spring I am going to a singles group. I am also considering online dating if this doesn't work. Because I hold somewhat high standards I plan to uphold them for me. I know that I need to workout, dress nicely, wear makeup, style my hair, ect to attract a man I'd be interested in. If I was to walk into the singles club wearing ratty clothes and no makeup I'd get less responses than if I look fantastic. However, if a man walks in wearing ratty clothes and dirty hair, he's not going to get my attention and if he is attracted to me he will be rejected.

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He can date who he wants. However, just because he wants a slim woman doesn't mean he will get it. Yet many of these guys believe he can get a slim woman. Since he's fat he should consider fat women as well.

 

You know I'm built like an NFL lineman I'm trying to lose weight but its very difficult for me to do so however I do continue to carry myself well and take time in my appearance as well as hold a great sense of humor and I can tell you that a lot of the girls who have shown interest in me have been slim petitie girls. I'm interested in the full figured, wide hiped curvy women but I have had a few girls who could have been swim suite models show interest in me.

 

Another thing is Fat women do not like to date fat men. This is very true they actually prefer a guy who's in shape and such which is why you see a lot of them dating men who are skinny or thin. But its very interesting how things work. Like I said I prefer what most men will call "Fat" but I look at them as curvy in most cases. Fat is when its seems obvious to the world were the person is just large. I guess my problem is I like older women who are mature and out of the club scene but girls like that aren't going to date a guy like me because they think I'm trying to have sex with them. I'm 24 and with the way things are going I wish I could date a 30 year old because girls even in my age group are quite immature, these 30 year olds are simple and know what they want out of life and I can have great conversations them and do things geniune vs having to play games.

 

I want a curvy 30 year woman.

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Originally Posted by Cognitive_Canine

Honestly, I don't believe in this line of thinking. I didn't even when I was in high school.

This is coming from someone who was a varsity cheerleader all 4 years, and an AV nerd.

I agree. It's ridiculous. It's like an eighties movie or something. People are not that one-dimensional. Thank goodness.

My posting involved this little thing called reality.

 

Of course, anyone can date anyone they want for any reason. No law should stop 'em.

 

However, realistically, a guy in his 30s or 40s in most cases thinking he could snatch an 18-21 y.o. woman is probably wasting his time as I would have if in HS I thought I had a real chance of dating the cheerleader or the class queen or a girl in the "in crowd..." I could certainly try...

 

I wasn't unattractive but like a lot of people, wasn't popular. I later learned there were many people not in that "in crowd," so I might have been able to ask a couple of girls out that I feared were in a different league, so my loss.

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I guess my problem is I like older women who are mature and out of the club scene but girls like that aren't going to date a guy like me because they think I'm trying to have sex with them. I'm 24 and with the way things are going I wish I could date a 30 year old because girls even in my age group are quite immature, these 30 year olds are simple and know what they want out of life and I can have great conversations them and do things geniune vs having to play games.

 

I want a curvy 30 year woman.

I don't think that's so unrealistic.

At 26, I dated a 30 y.o. woman, and when I was 28, I dated a woman in her mid-late 30s. I dated several older women and after I turned 30, met my future wife who was 33.

 

I preferred these "older girls" much like your reasons. They were more mature, knew what they wanted in life and I suspected they might be looking for a life partners, as was I.

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I understand the feeling completely. Im at uni right now and i feel like the only single guy and to be honest it makes me feel bad. The problem is ive decided to devote my attension to my current studies and having at least for the moment given up on the dating game, the reason being im fed up with all the superficial women that i see on a daily basis and only screw with my head. Im only 22 but im no longer interested in these casual relationships, i want something more meaningful. If im being honest ive never been all the way ( if you get what i mean ), so naturally this causes me some stress as this shouldnt be the case at my age especially since im not totally unattractive. And many times i find myself thinking i might never go all the way, because of my decision to pull out of the dating game and look for that special individual seems hopeless, yet i pursue it anyway. Im not a very social person and like my own space and only share it with those closest to, which immediately seporates me from most people and even my parents dont really understand me. I feel alone and know whatever i do isnt going to change that as ive never really felt any connection with anyone, i seem to be leaving it in the hands of fate and that makes me feel powerless.

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My posting involved this little thing called reality.

 

 

I guess our realities are different then. I didn't find that people were so easily put in boxes, particularly after high school. Yes, in high school we are still finding our identities, so there are some people that simply are The Cheerleader, etc., but many people are involved in multiple activities and have different facets to their personalities.

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I guess our realities are different then. I didn't find that people were so easily put in boxes, particularly after high school. Yes, in high school we are still finding our identities, so there are some people that simply are The Cheerleader, etc., but many people are involved in multiple activities and have different facets to their personalities.

That's understandable, Bullet.

I was just talking about unrealistic expectations. People should go for what they want. No problem there. Keep your feet on the ground and keep lookin' to the stars...

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sjjohnson89,

You shouldn't worry. You're still young. 22 is nowhere near being old.

You have plenty of time to find that lasting and fulfiling relationship you so desire.

 

I know you're concentrating on studies, but I wouldn't stop dating. College presents you an ideal opportunity to meet many more women than you're going to have when you enter the real world and begin working.

 

I'm sure there are more mature women on your campus that aren't so superficial, and ones who share similar interests and feel much like you.

 

Read what female posters like Jooj said, there are "nice sweet girls" who may not have a lot of romantic or sexual experience that want to be asked out by nice guys like you.

 

Look at me. I didn't find my "soulmate" until I was 30. I was all worried as I approached the big 3-0 bec. though I met women, I could never form good lasting relationships.

3 mos. after turning 30 I met her, and 3 mos. after that, we were ML.

 

So it will come. Just keep looking.

Above all, keep a positive attitude in your search.

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Btw, speaking as an attractive women we can spot those guys only interested in our looks a mile away. So when an average or below average man tries to attempt to date hotter women we can spot these phonies. We hate guys dating us based on looks.

Every attractive woman who I work with [at least 12-15] is dating or married to an average or even below average looking man.Many of these guys are not what I would call fat but they definitely have beer bellies.Personally I don't think Lightbulbsun should date anyone that he isn't physically attracted to..Physical initmacy is a significant portion of any romantic relationship.If LBS isn't going after any women at all how can anyone suggest that he is being picky? He does not go after the women that he desires.Will they reject him because they find him unattractive?Who really knows??

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I suppose I have to work from that.

 

I grew up thinking of 'love at first sight' and 'instant attraction.' I suppose that works in the movies, but not in real life.

Yeah, "just like in the movies" is rarely reality.

 

Not discounting that some do fall in love at first sight, as I may have known people like that, but it's not as common as some might think.

 

Just look at some of our grandparents and their parents.

Someone's uncle from "the old country" corresponded via letter with a woman back in Italy or Germany a relative knew. They fell in love via mail. She later came to the U.S. on a ship and the two were married shortly after.

Didn't see any "love at first sight" there. Their love was based on feelings and getting to know each other through writing.

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If LBS isn't going after any women at all how can anyone suggest that he is being picky?

 

In the end it doesn't really matter if it's truly being picky or not. In the end, he is crying dateless and not happy about it. Going on a single first date is hardly anything really. I'd be worried if anyone put that much meaning into just one date.

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In the end it doesn't really matter if it's truly being picky or not. In the end, he is crying dateless and not happy about it. Going on a single first date is hardly anything really. I'd be worried if anyone put that much meaning into just one date.
As long as the OP is reasonably attractive why is it unreasonable that he couldn't find someone to go out with on that first date whom he found attractive? Are we to assume that all women who may be showing interest in the OP are unattractive [at least to him] ? Regardless of dating experience if a man puts quite a bit of effort into his appearance by eating properly ,exercising ,etc . why is it illogical to assume he wouldn't want a partner who shared those attributes.There is nothing ''arftificial'' about having a desire to be physically attracted to someone who you wish to share a romantic relationship with.
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dr_styles is right. I'm putting way too much pressure on myself. I mean, it's just a date! It's not like I'm going to marry the person (maybe, but who knows?)

 

Same with my virginity. I'm actually going to declare myself a 'proud celibate', until I meet the right girl. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, and for me, I had a very good reason for it (social anxiety.) I shouldn't let anxiety over being one still affect how I interact with women; that's like putting the cart before the horse.

 

I think I'm going to put dating on the backburner for now. Keep my eyes open, and ask out girls that I'm interested in, but don't really stress about it. My problem is that I'm making something incredibly simple into something incredibly difficult, and probably making my situation (and attractiveness) worse in the process.

 

I will continue to post here, and learn from people, and offer advice. But as far as the resentment, and the loneliness...I need to put all that stuff behind me. A broken man only attracts broken individuals, and as someone else said in a former thread, I used to look happy. I need to get back to that happy state of mind.

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dr_styles is right. I'm putting way too much pressure on myself. I mean, it's just a date! It's not like I'm going to marry the person (maybe, but who knows?)

 

Same with my virginity. I'm actually going to declare myself a 'proud celibate', until I meet the right girl. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age, and for me, I had a very good reason for it (social anxiety.) I shouldn't let anxiety over being one still affect how I interact with women; that's like putting the cart before the horse.

That's a good attitude. Nothing at all wrong with not being experienced.

I think I'm going to put dating on the backburner for now. Keep my eyes open, and ask out girls that I'm interested in, but don't really stress about it. My problem is that I'm making something incredibly simple into something incredibly difficult, and probably making my situation (and attractiveness) worse in the process.

 

I will continue to post here, and learn from people, and offer advice. But as far as the resentment, and the loneliness...I need to put all that stuff behind me. A broken man only attracts broken individuals, and as someone else said in a former thread, I used to look happy. I need to get back to that happy state of mind.

"I'm going to put dating on the backburner for now..."

It's good that you don't plan to stop dating. Don't make it your overarching life priority, but LightBulb, you're in a good situation where there are many more women in your life through college than what you'll likely find when you enter the cubicle world, where many will likely be married or in relationships.

Still date and ask girls out, but don't obssess over it.

But as far as the resentment, and the loneliness...I need to put all that stuff behind me. A broken man only attracts broken individuals, and as someone else said in a former thread, I used to look happy. I need to get back to that happy state of mind.

You got that right.

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I am definitely coming back to this thread later in the week. It gives me some hope.

 

I'll say that I'm sort of the same boat. I'm looking for the girl that I want to get involved with/marry. I haven't been involved with someone at any length for about 4 years and I need to admit it: I want to be in love with someone again and I want to be happy with someone. And given that I that I just turned 28, I'm thinking that I need to get myself out there as much as possible to find that special someone.

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