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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


LightbulbSun
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Originally Posted by LightbulbSun

That's what I meant. Extremely overweight and unattractive girls.

I know that sounds mean, but I can't be physically intimate with someone if I'm not attracted to them. They don't have to be a beauty queen, but they also can't be on the other end of the curve, either.

Nobody's asking you to be physically intimate with them; you're putting the cart before the horse. I think FloridaMan's suggestion is a good one: if what you need is experience with women, it would not hurt you (or them) to go on a simple coffee date with some of these women who are initiating contact. Besides, you never know if physical attraction can develop based upon emotional or mental compatibility.

I see now, Lightbulb. You're talking about overweight girls or something.

 

Still, Orchid's right.

Getting some dating experience under your belt could only help you with your social anxiety.

You'll learn how to handle yourself on dates, how to ask the right questions, help the conversation flow (let her do most of the talking if possible) and start easing up and seeing how going out with girls isn't so painful but can be an enjoyable experience.

 

Many of these women may be as lonely as you and think of guys like you as "nice sweet guys" like Jooj recommends (about women) who never give them a second look.

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It's really mean to just delete messages from women based on looks. At least talk to them.

Some guys don't get the chance to have women messaging them. I'd have been flattered if just one woman showed interest in me in my late 20s (before the internet). I couldn't find any to love me.

 

I see you've started another "woe is me" thread.

Your Never having had a relationship is painful thread.

 

I don't want to rough you up but you seriously need to get away from the pity party.

 

Spend as much time as you post about this problem trying to solve your problem, ala going out on dates.

 

Is it true you have never gone on a date?

Or even asked a girl for a date?

 

I think you said this. (Not making fun of you, just making sure I understand things).

 

If so, THESE WOMEN ARE OFFERING THEMSELVES TO DATE YOU.

What are you afraid of?

 

I told you about the married woman who asked if she could set me up in a blind date with her "shy" best friend. I jumped at it as I wasn't finding many women where I lived. We've been together for 18 years.

Not saying you'll meet your future wife in these dates, but you sure won't meet her if you don't start dating.

 

Lightbulb, consider these women contacting you a good chance for you.

Meet up with some of them. You will gain far more than you think!

Edited by ClarenceRutherford
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In defense of LBS I have rejected men based on looks. I admit now it was wrong and I often wonder if one of these guys was a match. I'll never know but I received so many responses that I had to delete people. If I do online again I am going to be more open to looks because in the last few years have met people who are unattractive but great people. Maybe I'll meet a guy who's unattractive but fall for him.

 

There are several differences between me and LBS. For one I'm not a virgin or need dating experience. Personally, if I was like him I probably would date a few of these guys. Plus, I'm sure men get less responses online than women.

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You have to date someone you're attracted to sure, but I agree with Florida and Canine. If you cry "never had a girlfriend", "no interest", "dateless", "miserable with no attraction", but then turn around and say you've been turning people down then you just make people cynical about you and they'll just call you picky (even if you're not, but you don't even give them a chance!). I still chat via PM with a couple of guys here in their dateless ruts as I used to be, and we all know what it's like to have zero interest, TRUE zero interest. It's a bit of a slap in the face to be honest if you claim the same but then comes out you've been turning people down - you aren't just turning down dates, you're turning down experience.

 

I've said the same for girls who cry the same "never had a date" plus "I didn't find them attractive", I'm now saying it for this too.

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It's also about confidence and morale. Being able to get that first date gives you loads of it, which you (and everyone else) needs. You don't have to go stringing people along, you may be a bit disappointed they aren't your type when you *meet* them, but at least you'll be more happy than you are now as you keep looking that someone

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Oh my god! A girl that viewed my profile 2 years ago just viewed my profile recently. She's 2 years older, but still so pretty...and her profile interests match mine perfectly.

 

I'm going to write her. I have no idea what to say, but I really *do* want to talk to this girl.

 

(Oh, and I hadn't logged into my POF profile for 6 months. All the recent girls that have viewed my profile since I changed my pic and profile on there are CUTE! Unless they're fake profiles, I'm definitely getting pretty girls interested.)

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Oh my god! A girl that viewed my profile 2 years ago just viewed my profile recently. She's 2 years older, but still so pretty...and her profile interests match mine perfectly.

 

I'm going to write her. I have no idea what to say, but I really *do* want to talk to this girl.

 

(Oh, and I hadn't logged into my POF profile for 6 months. All the recent girls that have viewed my profile since I changed my pic and profile on there are CUTE! Unless they're fake profiles, I'm definitely getting pretty girls interested.)

That's great, LightBulb. I don't date so don't know what's best in RE: online dating -- or if you can UNDELETE messages- I assume it's like email, but may be like PMs- once deleted, can't be undone.

 

You didn't say it in any of your posts, but like many of us, I'm sure you suffered some lonely times and may have come to tears (I know you bury yourself in video games, TV and music. That's a way of coping.)

We know what that's like, LightBulb.

 

There are others on ENA that also obssess over their problems and post numerous threads and get similar reactions you've gotten, so you're not the only one. The suggestions we've made to move on only make sense.

 

The advice Canine, NewWave, Jooj, Starrgirl, Orchid and dr_styles and all the others provide is intended to help you, not belittle you. You're not a loser and you're going to find success at dating. But it does take some work and a positive attitude.

Be thankful you have friends here that only want what's best for you.

I'm sure you're up to the challenge.

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Oh my god! A girl that viewed my profile 2 years ago just viewed my profile recently. She's 2 years older, but still so pretty...and her profile interests match mine perfectly.

 

I'm going to write her. I have no idea what to say, but I really *do* want to talk to this girl.

 

(Oh, and I hadn't logged into my POF profile for 6 months. All the recent girls that have viewed my profile since I changed my pic and profile on there are CUTE! Unless they're fake profiles, I'm definitely getting pretty girls interested.)

 

 

Great news (let's hope they are legit). I have seen your photo and I would date you if I was younger. I think your problem is insecurity.

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The other thread you started got closed, so want to build upon some things you said. Was gonna send you a PM on this but feel others in your situation could benefit.

It's not that I'm not good looking. When I was skinny, I had really attractive girls all over me.

My problem is my weight, which makes me not so good looking. I have good features, but they're dimmed by the 'fat.'

There are only two possible solutions to this

1. Stay at the same weight I am, and date women who are more on my current level (date down)

2. Work out and lose the weight, and improve my appearance, and then date the 'hot girls.'

Good solutions except I'd cut the bolded part. You have never had any dates, so why focus on the "hot" girls?

How about the regular, average, good looking, or otherwise girls?

Like another woman posted here, 95% of all women aren't "hot."

 

Dating women "more on your current level" doesn't mean you're "dating down."

Seriously, any kind of date would be "dating up" for you at this critical stage in your life.

 

Ban me, who the f cares? I'm never coming back on here again. It's clear that whenever I try to argue logic, it always is turned right back on me. I regret ever signing up here. You people can justify whatever you want. I'm done.

I know you've calmed down, but no need to grab your balls and leave the gym.

No need to throw a fit.

As you said, this may be a good place to vent. You surely wouldn't want to say a lot of this stuff in real life. You want to attract- not repel- women and other friends.

But how many times do you see this on the forums:

I just discovered my boyfriend's stash of porn! I am sickened, and I think he is a pervert! Should I end the relationship?

...and then you see a bunch of replies that state that you should end the relationship, because he's "cheating."

 

I'm sorry, but porn isn't cheating, and anybody who even thinks that doesn't belong in a relationship in the first place.

I wouldn't start a debate on porn.

I used to MB like crazy - sometimes like 3X a day - to porn (my wife wittholds and she's out of state). But kicked the habit in Oct. and haven't used porn at all, thanks to some help of some fine ladies on another board.

link removed

I was gonna argue with them but then realized they were right! I did want to be sexual with the women I saw in the videos.

 

MB all you want - it's a healthy outlet - but porn IMHO is destructive and gets you to thinking wrong things about women.

 

No, I haven't posted about my past porn use on ENA. Nor have I started a thread dedicated to how I'm trying to get my wife sexually interested in me again (I've posted that crisis on 2 other boards).

I don't post all my problems (but am leaving that option open....).

Edited by ClarenceRutherford
critical v. periolous
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Btw, speaking as an attractive women we can spot those guys only interested in our looks a mile away. So when an average or below average man tries to attempt to date hotter women we can spot these phonies. We hate guys dating us based on looks.

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Btw, speaking as an attractive women we can spot those guys only interested in our looks a mile away. So when an average or below average man tries to attempt to date hotter women we can spot these phonies. We hate guys dating us based on looks.

 

This doesn't make a lot of sense. Any guy who is average trying to date an attractive female is a "phony" ? So when someone is on the same "scale" of attractiveness as the woman, they are no longer a phony just because they are as attractive as well ?..not sure where your logic is. Most guys are initially looks orientated. As are women..initially.

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This doesn't make a lot of sense. Any guy who is average trying to date an attractive female is a "phony" ? So when someone is on the same "scale" of attractiveness as the woman, they are no longer a phony just because they are as attractive as well ?..not sure where your logic is. Most guys are initially looks orientated. As are women..initially.

 

I mean these guys who aren't at the same level but try to attract hot women. For instance in high school the AV nerd trying to attract the cheerleader.

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I mean these guys who aren't at the same level but try to attract hot women. For instance in high school the AV nerd trying to attract the cheerleader.

That's the kind of thing I've been saying to LightBulb: stay within your social caste or class.

If you were born "on the wrong side of the tracks," don't cross the tracks and stay in "the wrong side of town..." Don't try to achieve more."

JUST KIDDING....

 

But realistically, don't think the computer geek is gonna suddenly get attention of "the in-crowd" or the prom queen.

 

And a guy near 30 isn't gonna be let inside the world of an 18-21 y.o. girl, who can be so fleeting they don't really know what they want and have many more options.

That door is locked.

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That's the kind of thing I've been saying to LightBulb: stay within your social caste or class.

If you were born "on the wrong side of the tracks," don't cross the tracks and stay in "the wrong side of town..." Don't try to achieve more."

JUST KIDDING....

 

But realistically, don't think the computer geek is gonna suddenly get attention of "the in-crowd" or the prom queen.

 

And a guy near 30 isn't gonna be let inside the world of an 18-21 y.o. girl, who can be so fleeting they don't really know what they want and have many more options.

That door is locked.

 

Exactly, but we see so many here state that is possible. In most cases it's not. I'm middle class, what's the possibility I will attract a rich man? Sure it could happen but not likely.

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I mean these guys who aren't at the same level but try to attract hot women. For instance in high school the AV nerd trying to attract the cheerleader.

 

Honestly, I don't believe in this line of thinking. I didn't even when I was in high school.

 

This is coming from someone who was a varsity cheerleader all 4 years, and an AV nerd.

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Honestly, I don't believe in this line of thinking. I didn't even when I was in high school.

 

This is coming from someone who was a varsity cheerleader all 4 years, and an AV nerd.

 

I agree. It's ridiculous. It's like an eighties movie or something. People are not that one-dimensional. Thank goodness.

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I mean these guys who aren't at the same level but try to attract hot women. For instance in high school the AV nerd trying to attract the cheerleader.

 

The problem with this is that you are more or less telling us that you understand and can speak for most attractive women. I have no doubt that YOU view less attractive guys hitting on you (and you tell us you're attractive so for the sake of the debate I'll buy it) as phonies, but there are attractive women who look at normal guys and are into them because they offer a variety of other things. They don't think they're settling. They don't consciously say "This guy is not attractive but nice so that's something." They are genuinely physically attracted to the guy because other things spark it.

 

Be realistic, sure...especially when it comes to weight issues -- but I very rarely meet people I can drop into categories like "AV Nerd" and "Cheerleader." Hobbies, tastes, preferences, and lines of thinking usually aren't represented by a strict dichotomy.

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Everyone is missing my point so I will say it again. Many men make the mistake of rejecting women who may like them to pursue women who likely wouldn't. As much as people don't want to admit it, yes looks matter. When I see a fat man complaining about fat women I think he's delusional.

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Everyone is missing my point so I will say it again. Many men make the mistake of rejecting women who may like them to pursue women who likely wouldn't. As much as people don't want to admit it, yes looks matter. When I see a fat man complaining about fat women I think he's delusional.

 

By your logic; a fat man should not date a slim attractive woman because (a) he is fat and should only consider other fat women (b) who is he trying to kid, she is completely out of his league.

What if said slim attractive woman prefers fat men?, what if he has a great personality and makes her laugh?, its quite possible that she may see beyond his physical size; perhaps inspire him to lose weight.

Didn't you just say that you do not like guys dating you for looks only?

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