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There is a certain subsection of the population that will never find a partner


LightbulbSun
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Yes, I agree FloridaMan. Most people, and I mean the VAST majority, do not feel that "wow" moment when they first meet someone. that "wow" moment comes from pure physical attraction, it has nothing to do with anything on a deeper level.

 

We often become more attracted to people just through knowing them and loving them. Don't give up on someone just because they don't knock you off of your feet the moment you meet them. That is just not very true to life.

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We often become more attracted to people just through knowing them and loving them. Don't give up on someone just because they don't knock you off of your feet the moment you meet them. That is just not very true to life.

How true.

She admits she didn't feel anything special during that dinner date either.

It wasn't like, "This is so boring..." or anything, but I obv. didn't pick up on any vibes that she might be interested.

Guys, this proves you really can't know what a woman is thinking...

 

The dinner ended with a big gaffe on my part... I didn't pick up the check!

 

I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was bec. the other couple brought her and it wasn't like a date I set up, so I didn't feel the need to buy her meal.

Thankfully, she overlooked that and agreeed to go out with me on a date of just her and me, where I did pay for the meals.

 

I wasn't even aware of the gaffe until some time later when she pointed it out to me. Oops....

Edited by ClarenceRutherford
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I agree with Floridaman and Fudgie, most people don't feel that wow moment from the first time. I am now very attracted and in love with my boyfriend but I didn't feel anything towards him the first time I met him. He's a good looking man but he's not my type. We were just friends and when I got to truly know him I fell madly in love with him. This is why I'm telling you to give a nice sweet girl a chance even if it was just hanging out with her as friends, you may not be attracted to her at first but once you get to know her you might start to have feelings for her.

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Add me to that 'didn't feel that wow moment' party. My first boyfriend was my 'friend's brother's drummer friend' for nearly 4 months until I actually talked to him long term and noticed how attractive I found him. My boyfriend now I didn't even find cute until the 3rd date. He was coveted by many girls then too. It wasn't until he told me about how much pressure he felt on him because of sports and the strive to be popular that I actually started liking him.

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Not to rain on the parade, but I think the "wow" thing is either something you feel generally or you don't, and it isn't necessarily based on the other person but on yourself. I know there are many people who say that they didn't feel a "spark" with their SO on the first or even fourth or fifth date and advocate to wait for something to grow. There's also a school of thought that spark is just sexual attraction and isn't indicative of any sort of solid relationship.. but that hasn't been my experience. Personally, if I have a romantic interest in someone, it's going to be there from the start. I've spent multiple dates trying to build attraction to someone - and even longer with people I really liked as friends who had romantic interest in me - and it just doesn't develop for me and leaves the other party frustrated. Not saying that one way is right or wrong, but this is my experience.

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I think the "wow' factor (at least to me) is that initial physical attraction. It doesn't come from talking or getting to know someone, it's more of a "damn he's hot" thing.

 

I agree, you should never force attraction but maybe, if you like someone on the inside, go out 1-2x. Don't just judge them by whether or not the "wow" is there the second you meet them.

 

By all means, if it's been 1-2 dates and you don't feel any romance/chemistry, then you can move on. But don't blow someone off because you're not head over heels at first.

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That's your experience, but for many, there isn't some big "oh wow" or butterflies in the stomach. Some look for that, don't find it and are disappointed and prematurely move on.

 

If they had gone out another time or two, he/she may have seen what a great person the other is and formed a valuable, loving relationship, as I did.

 

(That's one of many reasons it's good not to jump into bed with someone so soon- you don't really know that person and later find out the guy's a jerk only after sex).

 

If I'd only gone on physical attraction and feelings from what I picked up on that first date with my now wife, I wouldn't be with her now.

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LBS, you got some great advice in this thread and I hope you take it to heart. I understand you not dating an obese or a girl with poor hygiene (I wouldn't date those guys either) but you need to be open to lowering your standards. Generally speaking women who are 10'a want guys who are 10's, and other attractive women can smell a guy who only wants her for her looks a mile away. I too admit I have been thinking of lowering my standards because lowering standards opens the possibilities.

 

I've noticed that the best relationship I ever had was with a guy who wasn't my type AT ALL. I liked him at first, but the chemistry grew as I fell for him. The guys where I had the really hot chemistry? Faded fast because attraction was all that was there.

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LBS, you got some great advice in this thread and I hope you take it to heart. I understand you not dating an obese or a girl with poor hygiene (I wouldn't date those guys either) but you need to be open to lowering your standards. Generally speaking women who are 10'a want guys who are 10's, and other attractive women can smell a guy who only wants her for her looks a mile away. I too admit I have been thinking of lowering my standards because lowering standards opens the possibilities.

 

I've noticed that the best relationship I ever had was with a guy who wasn't my type AT ALL. I liked him at first, but the chemistry grew as I fell for him. The guys where I had the really hot chemistry? Faded fast because attraction was all that was there.

 

Yeah, I suppose. And I've already mentioned that I find more average girls (like 5's) attractive as well, and sometimes even more than the 10's.

 

Regardless, I'm going to quit rating girls, and start talking to them. Maybe I'll meet someone who's extremely good looking, maybe she'll be average, who knows? Only God knows what's in store, and I just need to have faith and go along for the ride.

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I suppose I have to work from that.

 

I grew up thinking of 'love at first sight' and 'instant attraction.' I suppose that works in the movies, but not in real life.

 

You are correct LightBulb, life doesn't work that way.

 

Sure, when I met a couple of my past boyfriends, I might have seen them and though "eh, I guess they are kind of cute" but nothing that was like "-WHAM- you're hot! wantwantwant."

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I'm going to quit rating girls, and start talking to them. Maybe I'll meet someone who's extremely good looking, maybe she'll be average, who knows? Only God knows what's in store, and I just need to have faith and go along for the ride.

This is a good step, LightBulb.

 

Beauty is only skin-deep anyway, as the Temptations ("My Girl," "Get Ready," "Ain't Too Proud to Beg," etc.) sang in that great '60s song.

Look the song up on Youtube. "She may look fine on the outside, but inside she's...."

 

Jooj, NewWave, Fudge, Canine and some of the others have given you good advice.

Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seatbelts as the plane to happiness takes off...

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Yeah, I suppose. And I've already mentioned that I find more average girls (like 5's) attractive as well, and sometimes even more than the 10's.

 

Regardless, I'm going to quit rating girls, and start talking to them. Maybe I'll meet someone who's extremely good looking, maybe she'll be average, who knows? Only God knows what's in store, and I just need to have faith and go along for the ride.

 

That's the right attitude to have. I also plan to take the advice myself and lower my standards. People often have more to offer once you meet them.

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You are correct LightBulb, life doesn't work that way.

 

Sure, when I met a couple of my past boyfriends, I might have seen them and though "eh, I guess they are kind of cute" but nothing that was like "-WHAM- you're hot! wantwantwant."

 

I've had that with several guys and the ones that I actually dated were passing things. I've had the best luck with guys I thought were nice but not always hot.

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Another lesson: for those single and getting late in life, value friends and their connections. Maybe one of your friends knows someone you could go out with and arrange for a blind date. They can work.

I can't tell you, Lightbulb and others, how important blind dates and "connections" are.

 

Remember that older woman I cold-called on at the univ. night class?

One of her acquaintances was the woman who set me up on the blind date with my wife. I met that married woman (who set up the blind date) at her job as part of a job search and networking.

 

Later, while working in a nearby town, the married woman went on a business lunch with me and I somehow blurted out how in this town it was hard to find women to date. I was 30 and I found women were either in their early 20s (I couldn't relate to them) or 40 divorced/kids (which I wasn't interested in).

 

She said, "Hmmm.... I have a friend in the next city. She's kinda shy. Would you be interested in meeting her?"

 

Yes!!, I said, but knew it would never get arranged as people have told me they'd "set me up" before. I got a phone call the next week and the rest is history.

 

So consider pressing some of your friends, cousins, relatives, business colleagues, etc., if they happen to know a young lady who might be interested in going out with you. These people know you and they know their friend, so a "match" might result.

 

Don't discount the possibility of "arranged" dates. Don't know where I'd be now if I hadn't gone on that blind date. I was 30 and getting tired of searching for a life mate.

If that woman hadn't introduced my future wife to me, I might still be looking and depressed.:sad:

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Maybe I've missed something, but from what I gathered, not just this thread but the previous ones, why are we even discussing "passing up girls" when there aren't even girls to "pass up"? It's like beggars can't be choosers, except worse. From what I've read the problem isn't standards, it's the SA.

 

The one thing I have to say is remember ultimately luck has a lot to do with it (except it's up to the individual to maximise that luck). There's always a very real chance you get very active but still not meet anyone. In the past couple of years I have become much much more social, have more regular activities to keep me busy. Yet thinking about it now, not one of them would have presented me with any new dating chances. My point isn't to not do them, nothing like that. But to make sure you don't think of anything you do as "the magic bullet", which is sometimes how the advice is presented. It's not as simple as "volunteer or join a club" -> gets you a girlfriend.

 

Plus I have to admit, as positive as some of these posts are LBS ... I've seen them before, the "alright I know I have to do this and that ...". Try and make it the last time

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I'm in this subsection. I've had horrible luck. Either I like them and they don't feel any chemistry with me or they love me and I'm not into them. Never mutual interest. Depressing.

 

I can relate. I never have a hard time getting all kinds of men attracted to me. The only problem is it's never guys I want. When I did online dating I'd see all these nice looking men and want to talk to them but they never responded to me. Meanwhile the guys I had NO interest in contacted me.

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I can relate. I never have a hard time getting all kinds of men attracted to me. The only problem is it's never guys I want. When I did online dating I'd see all these nice looking men and want to talk to them but they never responded to me. Meanwhile the guys I had NO interest in contacted me.

 

I suppose it's the same with me. Women I find physically unattractive messaging me. I read/delete.

 

I don't pretend it's just as hard for women, but I don't want to date someone I find repulsive. She'd at least have to be cute.

 

But someone will find those women attractive as they are, so it's better if I don't contact them, anyways.

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I suppose it's the same with me. Women I find physically unattractive messaging me. I read/delete.

 

I don't pretend it's just as hard for women, but I don't want to date someone I find repulsive. She'd at least have to be cute.

 

But someone will find those women attractive as they are, so it's better if I don't contact them, anyways.

 

Yes, if you find someone repulsive better not to contact them. That's what I mean, these guys who contacted me were repulsive looking. Sure, maybe in real life they are nice looking (though highly doubt it) or they have a great personality but online is all about the looks.

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I suppose it's the same with me. Women I find physically unattractive messaging me. I read/delete.

 

I don't pretend it's just as hard for women, but I don't want to date someone I find repulsive. She'd at least have to be cute.

 

But someone will find those women attractive as they are, so it's better if I don't contact them, anyways.

Light Bulb,

You have some women messaging you?

 

If I recall correctly, you have never asked a woman on a date, or... have never gone on a date.

 

Why not interact with them?

 

What would you lose by communicating with some of these ladies?

 

You could meet them on "simple" dates like coffee or over lunch. This would give you some good needed experience.

 

It's not like you have to marry any of them. You may find they look better in person.

You posted yourself how you're getting frustrated and how you think you're getting along in age and need a relationship. I do wish you experience a relationship and fall in love. But screening people out based soley on looks doesn't sound very wise IMHO.

 

It sounds like you're a little superficial here. You've got some women expressing interest.

Why not see where it goes?

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Light Bulb,

You have some women messaging you?

 

If I recall correctly, you have never asked a woman on a date, or... have never gone on a date.

 

Why not interact with them?

 

What would you lose by communicating with some of these ladies?

 

You could meet them on "simple" dates like coffee or over lunch. This would give you some good needed experience.

 

It's not like you have to marry any of them. You may find they look better in person.

You posted yourself how you're getting frustrated and how you think you're getting along in age and need a relationship. I do wish you experience a relationship and fall in love. But screening people out based soley on looks doesn't sound very wise IMHO.

 

It sounds like you're a little superficial here. You've got some women expressing interest.

Why not see where it goes?

 

I'd be curious if he's being superficial or they were repulsive. The guys contacting me were really repulsive. 400 pound guys, guys who were weird, guys looking for sex, slobs, married men, con artists, liars, etc. Not to mention all the dads contacting me though I stress no dads (some of these guys were actually good looking).

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I'd be curious if he's being superficial or they were repulsive. The guys contacting me were really repulsive. 400 pound guys, guys who were weird, guys looking for sex, slobs, married men, con artists, liars, etc. Not to mention all the dads contacting me though I stress no dads (some of these guys were actually good looking).

 

That's what I meant. Extremely overweight and unattractive girls.

 

I know that sounds mean, but I can't be physically intimate with someone if I'm not attracted to them. They don't have to be a beauty queen, but they also can't be on the other end of the curve, either.

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That's what I meant. Extremely overweight and unattractive girls.

 

I know that sounds mean, but I can't be physically intimate with someone if I'm not attracted to them. They don't have to be a beauty queen, but they also can't be on the other end of the curve, either.

 

Nobody's asking you to be physically intimate with them; you're putting the cart before the horse. I think FloridaMan's suggestion is a good one: if what you need is experience with women, it would not hurt you (or them) to go on a simple coffee date with some of these women who are initiating contact. Besides, you never know if physical attraction can develop based upon emotional or mental compatibility.

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I'd be curious if he's being superficial or they were repulsive. The guys contacting me were really repulsive. 400 pound guys, guys who were weird, guys looking for sex, slobs, married men, con artists, liars, etc. Not to mention all the dads contacting me though I stress no dads (some of these guys were actually good looking).

Originally Posted by LightbulbSun

I suppose it's the same with me. Women I find physically unattractive messaging me. I read/delete.

 

I don't pretend it's just as hard for women, but I don't want to date someone I find repulsive. She'd at least have to be cute.

 

His posting made it sound like he was ruling these women out primarily based on looks.

I can't really understand that.

 

Of course I wasn't attracted to every girl, and could have gone out with a woman I remember who worked somewhere else at my office. A business colleague told me, "She's really a nice girl, Fla. Man.... You should go out with her..." Perhaps she said something to him about her liking me. (I was 30). I didn't pick up on it at the time. My loss.

 

Yeah, I may not have been attracted to her. So I too didn't always follow what I recommend on these boards.

 

If I had gone out with this woman and the relationship didn't work out, I could have met a friend of her's who really liked me and we became an item...

 

In the OP's case... these women are adults and understand that not every guy is attracted to them or their personalities (and vice-versa).

Light Bulb could have met a friend of one of the girls and dated her... Or Light Bulb could have introduced that girl he dated to one of his friends and started dating...

 

If you end up introducing a friend of your's to the woman he marries, he might be so thankful he tries to set you up with a girl..

 

You never know how these things work out, Light Bulb.

Edited by ClarenceRutherford
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