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Meeting the after a period of NC...My initiatve this time. Honesty or nonchalance?


sadchick83

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Some advice would be great here....please post.

 

My guy and I went out for 14 months and have been broken up for about a month and a half. The last month of the relationship was rough, so we broke up. Basically, his actions (not coming home, yelling at me, me yelling at him, etc )caused me to boot him out of my house. There was no abuse, no cheating, no swearing, we were essentially just getting on each other's nerves. We were both under a lot of stress at work, especially him as he recently started a new business. Other than that we had a great relationship, trips to Arizona, Hawaii, white water rafting etc. We play all kinds of sports, eat healthy , etc.

 

I did great at nc for about 3 weeks. Then he initiated contact 3 times in a week (about 2 weeks ago) when he got a break from work. We met for drinks, he called and came by my work. I realize it is great to do Non chalance/ no contact etc. It healed me and I feel much better.

 

Yesterday, I went to my hairdresser, who knows him through a friend of a friend and apparently he poured his heart out about our break up to this woman.

 

So today I called him, its been about a week and a half since he came by my work.

I was just going to ask him for a good electrician, but since the call was going so well, I decided to ask him to do something on Saturday. He said for sure.

 

I guess the thing that got me was his relatives are here from Europe, and he mentioned they wanted to meet me. He said "well, things didnt work out."

However, out of the hundreds of places there are in my city, yesterday he took them one block from my house.

 

So here is my question--keeping in mind I do want to reconcile.

 

Question #1 He said he was going to call me this week anyway (his week off) when he pick up the phone. Have I done damage by initiating an outing at this point? He initiated 3 times a week ago, so I don't want to play too hard to get. He has been a bit down with work whereas I am finally enjoying success at work.

 

Question #2 Neither of us have been with anyone else, just working hard at our jobs over the past 6 weeks. I dont want to be desparate, but I want to suggest we reconcile. I want to try again, even if it is slow. How do I start this conversation without being desparate?

 

Any suggestions would be great. Neither of us are game players.

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I would just see how it goes on Saturday and play it by ear. You don't know how you will feel till you have spent some time with him one on one. You don't need to suggest anything at this point. I would just go with the flow and accept this could be your first date. You wouldn't get serious on a first date now would you?

 

If you aren't game players, then I would think he was glad you called as he has been obviously reaching out to you. Don't think you have done any damage.

 

That's how I would handle it but obviously everyone is different...

 

Good luck! x

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I would do non chalence and go with the flow of date. Allow things to progress without any pressure that's the key they run from pressure. So just have fun upbeat enjoy the moment. You will do great and you will have a third date.

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Thanks Kate,

We actually had our first one hour drink date about 2 weeks ago, so this is the 2nd planned outing. I really just want to know if we reconcile or not.

 

Ah sorry, totally missed that bit. But again, you need to have your dating head on - rather than your 'relationship' head on. Sunnyv is right, you need to go with the flow a bit and take pressure away from both of you. If you are meant to be, it will work out in the end x

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Have to agree nonchalance is the way to go. A month and a half is not very long. Try to release any and ALL expectations. Avoid talking about the relationship and where it went wrong. Have fun, keep things light, try to end the night first (meaning, you decide when it is time for YOU to go home, don't wait for cues from him) and definitely do NOT get physical with him!

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Hi sadchick83,

 

I'm not sure if my advice would help even a bit as I myself need it but I'll try to give you my opinion.

 

Definitely you didn't damage the situation by initiating contact this time. As far as I can see he still cares. You played it well by holding on to no contact for a good period of time. I think both of you are relaxed now and that fed up disease is gone, that was the main point and first step as well. Remember, you still want to reconcile so a limited contact does the purpose, you already know that hardcore no contact is for moving on.

 

As for your coming date. I agree with the other posts. You have to act normal and simply enjoy it. He might be the one to bring up the relationship, maybe comment about it. Here you have to keep it cool and upbeat, just be honest and reply to him briefly. Try to let him take you to the conversation and you just quietly follow. It would be great if he mentioned reconciliation, you will know how to deal with it. If he didn't, I'm not sure but maybe you can ask him about what he has been thinking about in the past days. Maybe he would open up a bit.

 

I hope this helped and good luck honey.

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Yeah simply go with the flow and mix honesty with nonchalance. Normally you are an honest person, and I'm sure that NC helped you get yourself and your feelings together. This will help you maintain a good level of nonchalance, and will show that you still care but not really needy or desperate about it.

 

Make sure you keep us updated

Best of luck

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